Chapter 364 - Her Perspective
He walked behind her after locking the door. The shepsky dogs are let out and he asked for some of his men to guard his home for the night. He might have dissolved the gang but that doesn't mean his men won't listen to him anymore.
They'll come for him if he asks for help.
After settling everything, he walked to their bedroom. She was not in the bedroom and so he walked to the bathroom where the sound of flowing water was heard. The tub sounded full and he walked in a hurry.
Jerlina was standing by the bath staring at the faucet. The tub was filled to the brim and she still hasn't turned it off.
Jeremy walked closer to her and his sleeves grazed on her arm. She still didn't even flinch. Jeremy closed the faucet and turned to look at her. And then he drained some water so that it would be perfect for the bath. He checked the temperature and it was not hot.
"You don't want it to be hot?" he asked.
He didn't expect a reply considering her condition but she replied.
"It's? not advisable to have hot baths during pregnancy."
"Oh, that's good then. This temperature would be perfuect."
"Yes," she bowed her head and tried to unbutton her buttonless dress.
Jeremy walked behind her and helped her with the zipper. He could see that she is not too out of it. She still cares about her pregnancy and that gave him relief.
It is not surprising that she is minding of her pregnancy this much considering what happened with her previous pregnancy.
As he slipped her dress off her smooth shoulders, he couldn't help but rub her shoulder and he placed a kiss on her neck.
"Jeryl…" he whispered in her ear. "I love you."
He had a lot to say to her. This entire situation with Gerard has become a mess and he is partly responsible for that. But he still didn't regret his death. He just was a little upset by how it happened.
Jerlina rubbed his hand and stepped inside the tub. Removing his clothes, he followed her. She started to lather her body and he got the loofah and started to wash her body. She said nothing and allowed him to do whatever she wanted to.
He washed every nook and corner of her body with care. Every part of her body is beautiful and he could never get enough of it. When he touched her abdomen that looked a little protruding and he felt a tingle in his heart.
Our baby…
His eye clouded. He wanted to place her on his lap and do her right then but she is distressed and he decided to wait until she composes herself. Carefully, he washed her.
Jeremy found this enjoyable. He knows she loves washing him too as she never bothered to hide her excitement to touch him.
He does not do this often as she doesn't let him to do so often because this would always end up with him getting too excited with her on the bed. But whenever he does this, he would feel like she is part of him. He used to only wash himself and now that he washes his wife, it gives him the feeling that she is part of his body.
Becoming one flesh is what they say about marriage, right?
He feels it. And that's why his little guy would get more excited than usual whenever they take a bath together.
"Do you want to wash your hair?" he asked.
Jerlina nodded and his lips curved up to a smile.
He gently washed her hair without letting water or shampoo drip on her face. He could see that she is enjoying it and that's all he needed.
Jerlina was enjoying the sensations given by his rough, and yet slender fingers that always are gentle with her. She's visited spas and gotten some treatments. She would say that her husband has a knack for gentle massage and exfoliation.
Slowly she could feel the heaviness in her heart lessening. But she still had a pain in her heart.
Gerard's face as he looked at her was implanted in her heart and it came back, again and again, no matter how hard she tried to forget.
"I knew, Joel…" she held his hand and rested her cheek on it.
Closing her eyes and with her back to Jeremy, she found the courage to talk about it.
"I knew those guys have orders to kill anyone who might be a danger to me. I knew they were pointing their guns at Gerard. And I knew if I announce my pregnancy he would do something extreme…"
Jerlina started to open up and Jeremy listened silently. He didn't want to interrupt her or say something that she didn't want to hear now and so he decided to be careful.
"And still I said it…" Tears started to accumulate in her eyes as she recollected that moment. "I don't know what I was thinking at that moment, Joel… I don't know what I hoped for. I wanted him to back off. I didn't want you to hurt him and…" she buried her forehead in his big hand.
Jeremy's heart skipped a beat.
She didn't want me to hurt him and so she left it to those guys. Ah! Now I understand why she is hurting! But it still was Gerard's decision to point the weapon at her. Had he backed off, those guys might have left him to live.
"I said it…" she said sniffing and Jeremy hugged her from behind and tried to take a peek at her face.
"Don't look at me," she turned her face, and Jeremy backed off.
She has more to say. She will once she composed herself and so he didn't want to disturb her. She was still leaning on his hand and he didn't pull back.
The water started to turn cold.
After waiting for a while, she spoke clearing her throat. Her voice was hoarse and he held her closer to give her warmth.
"I think he saw those men, Joel… I think he knew his gun was empty… I think he knew what would happen if he pointed his gun at me… I don't think he wanted to hurt me for real…" her voice started to shake and she started speaking from her chest.
"I know I shouldn't talk to you about this, Joel…But his face… He looked at me and… I think he felt betrayed to know that I was pregnant and he gave up… He gave up and killed himself!"
She let go of his hand, hugged her knees, and started to shake burying her head in her knees.
Jeremy rubbed his forehead.
Does she think that Gerard died in heartbreak? Does she want to take responsibility? Does she even realize that she insinuates that she regrets moving on from that guy and getting pregnant with my child, eventually pushing Gerard to-
Ugh!
She's confused.
Gerard is responsible for his own actions! She knows it!? She's just confused seeing him die in front of her. She wouldn't have seen that many emotions on his face in that dim light at night.
She saw what she wanted to see.
He knows how grief works and how trauma works. He thought he saw malice on Gerard's face. And she saw different emotions. It was a heated situation and no one's memory would be 100% right.
She shouldn't have been there.
And she likes to find reasons to be sad about. It is her character and she does what she does the best.
Jeremy sighed rubbing her back.
He would not ever doubt her. She broke up with that guy properly before even marrying him. The way their wedding certificate was signed was not proper. But everything else happened properly in their relationship.
Even before he confessed and even before the ceremony, she made it clear to that guy that she is not getting back with him. She was hurt but she slowly got better and only after she was over her hurt, she accepted his love.
And so he would never doubt that her love for him is not strong.
Ah… what should I do now?
What should I say to her? Should I try and explain it to her?
Should I say anything to her?
What if I say the wrong thing?
Should I stay silent?
But she is hurting!
Jeremy got confused.
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