Chapter 293 - A Villainess
"You hurt me when you're hurting alone…" Jeremy said making Jerlina's eyes water.
"It does?" she placed her hand on his cheek and tears fell from her eyes.
I really don't deserve this guy, she thought. But still, I want him.
"Joel… what I meant when I said it was my grief was…when that happened…" Jerlina could feel it in her heart that she needs to be open about this with him. For her; for him; and their relationship's sake.
"Yeah," Jeremy wiped her tears and held her cheek.
"I was alone… Even before that, I was alone, and…" she looked at him. "I handled everything alone… And when I think about my baby, I go back to those days and I… I am believing that it is just my burden to bear and no one else's… And I also think it will hurt you if you know that I am still hurting by that. ... I thought I was fine… Scar said that the pain comes in bouts and it would get easier as time passes… Although I? see that is happening very slowly… It still hurts, Joel… Maybe when we have our kids, it will ease up my hurt…" She spoke everything that came up in her thoughts.
"And I don't think about Gerard a lot. It's just only when I remember my baby… Just the appearance. But I don't love him anymore and I know for sure that I am in love with only you. I… this is what's in my heart and I…I don't want to lose you, Joel…" she leaned closer to his chest and hugged him.
Jeremy let her speak and listened to everything she said carefully.? He couldn't say he understood everything perfectly especially why she wants to bear the pain alone still. But the baseline is that she loves him.
"I was going to ask you to bury your baby in our backyard. But I didn't tell you that fearing how you'd take that…" he decided to speak about it now.
"You did?" Jerlina looked at him resting her elbow on the bed. "You won't mind?" she asked.
"Why would I?" he let out a sigh.
She says all these things and he forgets one basic thing about her. She never received love and care growing up. She never knows sharing her pain and happiness. And the guy she was with before, received more love from her than he gave her.
She needs to learn. He needs to show her how to be more expressive. And with him she has improved a lot, doesn't she?
"I love everything about you, Jeryl," he held her cheek. "And that baby… he's a part of you. And…" he didn't want to say more.
He knew she gets his point. When he met her again, even if she had a child from another man, he still would have married her and take that child with her. He would have loved the child as he loves her.
That's how much he loves her.
"I know…" Jerlina kissed his lips. "I know how much you love me, Joel…" she hugged his neck and buried her head in his neck.
She would never doubt his words. She knew he is telling her the truth. She knew it because she knew he made the casket for her baby. When she was broke with no money to her name; when she was depressed worrying that she cannot give a proper burial for her child, he, made her baby a casket.
And looking at that box, she could feel the love the one who created the box put into the wood as he carved it to a casket.
"You made that casket for my baby, didn't you?" she asked kissing her hand.
"You knew?" he widened his eyes. He wondered if his mom told her about it. He thought she'd throw it away if she knew it.
"I figured it out. I could recognize your style, Joel," Jerlina said. A tear drop fell on his hands.
"Don't cry. It was not a big deal. I felt guilty and I…"
"When I looked at that box, I didn't see guilt, Joel… I saw love…" Jerlina hugged him. "Thank you. You're a very great man. I am not as broad-minded as you are…" she said from her heart.
"Don't think too much, love," Jeremy rubbed her back. "You are the kindest person I know."
"Oh, come on!" Jerlina looked at him with a smile. Her eyes were red but there was happiness in her face. "I don't know how I would handle it if a child of yours suddenly makes his appearance," she poked her nose.
"A child of mine?" Jeremy raised his brows. "I don't think-"
"Are you sure?" Jerlina's tone was a bit skeptical. "How many women have you been with? Are you sure none of them-"
"Oh, shut up," Jeremy furrowed his brows. "Don't talk nonsense." He rolled and faced the wall. "I was always careful. And… even if there was an accident,? I bet the woman would have contacted me by now," he grumbled.
He placed his hands in between his thighs as he felt his entire body going cold. He was terrified.
Jerlina could see that he was sulking. But since he told her that she should share her grief with him, she decided to share what bothers her.
"And judging by how your father was, you wouldn't let that child be an illegitimate child and you will marry his mother even if you love me, right?" she asked.
She knew he is an honorable man and he won't let his child suffer as he did. In that case, what will happen to her?
"That's not going to happen! There is no child!" Jeremy shouted.
The hair on his neck stood up.
She is right. By principle, he will not let his child be a b*stard. And that should mean that he should…
Ahhhh! Why didn't I keep it in my pants?
"Don't worry, Joel…" Jerlina patted his back. "I'll become a villainess if that happens. I'll scare that woman away. We can raise the child… Although I don't trust myself much, I think I am not heartless to hurt a child, so… I think we'll work it through…"
She was a little sad to even think about it. She hoped they never come across this situation.
"Really?" Jeremy turned to look at her. "You will fight for me? You will not leave me?" he asked.
He thought she'd say that he'd leave him if that happens. He didn't think that she'd say this.
"You're happy you're having a child from another woman?" Jerlina gritted her teeth.
"No! I only want kids with you, my lovely Luna," Jeremy hugged her tightly.
"Let go, you nasty…" Jerlina tried to struggle out of his hold only to get squeezed more by him.
After struggling to stay angry with him, she started laughing.
"What's with me? Why am I trying to get angry for something that didn't even happen?" she lied on her back and let out a sigh.
"I am turning stup-"
Before she finished, Jeremy's lips crashed on hers.
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