Chapter 247 - He Cannot Leave
"It's fine then," Jerlina shrugged. "I'll go change first," she turned to go to her room.
Her hands started to shake and tears clouded her eyes.
She could see that Jeremy is getting mad about it and wants to not discuss it further. She wanted to let it go but she couldn't.
But she didn't want to anger him further. And she is not someone who'd reply word for word with someone who gets mad. So she decided not to pursue it.
But...
"Joel..." she looked back. "Talk to me if you find any of my behavior unacceptable. We can deal with it... If you think I am too motherly or controlling or careless..." she took in a deep breath seeing him staring back at her as if she was speaking a different language.
"Just be open, alright?" she said and walked inside her room.
Jeremy watched her leave. She appeared shorter than usual and her voice was so soft that he barely heard it. He felt ashamed for shouting at her.
"Je-" he stopped hearing her room lock.
He rested his forehead on the door and placed his hand on the door. He could see her shadow in the gap between the door and the floor. He knew she is leaning on the door.
Is she crying alone?
He closed his eyes and tried to listen. There was no noise for some time but he could hear some ruffling noises inside after some time.
He guessed that she should have composed herself and trying to move on. For some reason, his heart clenched.
He remembered how she acted when she was drunk last time. She was cute and she started spilling out her worries although she hated him that time. But then she pretended to be fine.
And that day when she was sedated, she acted a bit silly. But then, she stopped pestering him for ice cream once there was another person.
She is the kind of person who doesn't open up about her feelings all the time. Just now, she tried to tell him something and wanting him to talk to her. But he pushed her away by shouting at her.
You can shout back, you know...
He wanted to tell her. But he didn't know if she could change that much. But she slapped him and it seemed like she was hurt when he said she can look for someone better.
Ugh!
Jeremy walked back to his bed. Resting his forearm on his forehead, he leaned leisurely on the bed.
Was she right when she said that it was not a slip of my tongue? But I didn't mean it. I looked at her eyes and I said it without thinking twice. I don't know how that happened.
Jeremy started to think about it deeply. She is hurt because of him and the best thing he could do is to solve her misgivings rather than making her shut up about it. And he realized that she is not wrong usually about these things.
She was right about Emma...
Closing his eyes, Jeremy started to rehash the incident that led to him saying those words to her.
He thought it was her baby's grave that got damaged and so he got stressed.
I am useless, aren't I? I can't even...
Ah, right... I thought the same thing then too!
Oh, sh*t!
Is that why I asked her to find someone else? Do I really think that I am not worthy of her?
Yes, she is well-educated than me, kinder than me, smarter than me, and prettier than all the women out there. She is also richer than me, it seems.
But I always knew that. And it doesn't matter.
What was I even thinking?
Who else is worthy of her other than me? Why did I even think that?
Is it because I was not with her when she was getting surrounded by Viper and his men? But it is not like I procrastinated. I was with Bobby!
Ah... it was because of Wyatt. She said Wyatt saved her from Viper and I held onto it. She didn't even talk about it again. She was just talking to me about what happened there and told me that she has to keep her promise to him.
And I felt guilty because I didn't keep Emma away from me. But...
Yeah, it was my fault but it is not enough for me to push her away from me!
She confessed to me! I was in love with her for years and she – my wife, confessed to me; beautifully! She said she wanted to have kids with me! She even chose the names already!
And what did I do?
Ugh! I AM pathetic! Now I understand why she was mad!
I should talk to her about it... That I am pathetic and pushed my insecurities onto her.
I even shouted at her.
Idiot!
As he was thinking of his stupidity, he felt a soft touch on his abdomen and he opened his eyes. Jerlina was in front of him.
Jerlina didn't want to disturb him but it seemed like she had disturbed him. "Oh, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was checking if your shirt is wet and- Ahh!"
As she was speaking, she was pulled to his embrace.
"Joel..?" Jerlina didn't expect he'd pull her and she checked if she is accidentally resting on his abdomen.
But before that, she felt his coarse fingers grabbing her chin and he made her look at him.
"Jeryl..." his sapphire blue eyes met with hers and she got lost in those eyes.
"What?" she asked and she naturally got closer to his lips.
She already decided while changing to let it go. She thought about it and wondered if she might be a little oversensitive considering her history with Gerard.
Joel is not Gerard. Joel is the one who had unrequited love for me for almost a decade. He might act foolish at times, but he will not let me go. I know that!
After reaching that conclusion, she felt her mood getting better. And even if he is hiding something, she knew she can find it out later.
And just like he said, they are married and Joel really cannot send a text and disappear. She knows all his passwords. If it is mandatory, she can use it to her advantage. Plus he will have to meet her for signing the papers at least.
He really cannot escape from me. I am not going to let him go. We are stuck together for life!
Jeremy ran his thumb over her eyebrow and she closed her eyes. She looked so much at peace but looking at her like that only made Jeremy feel bad.
Is she hiding her true feelings? Is she hiding her pain?
Jeremy pressed his lips on hers. He thought she'd pull back, but he deepened his kiss as she responded to his kiss.
He was feeling bad but that doesn't mean he doesn't get the urge to kiss her. She is too cute!
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