"Master has.. fire affinity~! He melts away, all the enemies~!"
"Malenia my dear friend, please no more singing..." Abaddon pleaded.
He did not believe himself to be a man who was easily embarrassed, but having his favorite busty angel sing a song about him was doing just that.
"Would you like it more or less if it came with a dance?"
Smack!
"Ow! Why!?"
"Stop troubling our god with your childish antics! You are clearly being a nuisance!" Kanami scolded.
'Here they go again...' Abaddon thought in disappointment.
"How am I a nuisance!? Master was clearly depressed; I was only trying to improve his mood a bit!"
"Does it look like your terrible song was helping??"
Malenia paused and looked at the shrunken dragon who was curled up on the ground, all four heads looking equally weary.
"I can't really tell when he's in that form. Hey master, am I a nuisance??"
"If I said you were, would you change the way you behaved?"
"Probably not."
"Then what was the point of asking?"
"Just to get this bitchy vampire off my back."
"Kanami is very sweet, don't say that about her."
"To you she is! Oh hey, that reminds me, do you ever fuck my big sisters in that form?"
Smack!
"Why would you ask him such a thing you wretched cretin?!"
"Obviously because I wanted to know!"
Kanami smacked Malenia hard on the butt once again, and they resumed their previous argument.
The two of them had been like this for so long now that Abaddon could barely recall what life was like before he'd heard the sounds of their arguing.
Even now as the group rested after ten days of marching and fighting, their mouths were the only thing that never took a break.
The rest of the euphrates were seated around a campfire, watching this spectacle as if it were a sitcom that they would never get tired of rewinding.
Kanami and Malenia were something like oil and water. While both of them worshipped Abaddon, the way that they showcased that worship was entirely different.
Kanami was rigid, obedient, and treated Abaddon like the holiest of existences that none who were unworthy should even be allowed to lay eyes upon.
Malenia was childish, more carefree, and treated Abaddon like he was her own personal fap fuel.
The two were never going to get along to begin with.
"I don't see why you girls can't just play nice. " Abaddon said absentmindedly. "Is there a reason for the two of you to fight like this?"
The two of them looked at each other like they were their most hated enemy.
In truth, the girls were actually rather jealous of each other.
Kanami would give anything to be able to live in the home of Abaddon and his family, and Malenia would give anything to be seen as someone who he could depend on.
But again, they would both rather die than admit such a thing.
"She has no respect!"
"There's a huge stick up her ass and not in a fun way."
Abaddon shook all four of his heads in defeat and decided not to interfere any longer.
He didn't have the energy to interfere, his mind was clouded by thoughts of this war and the next, as well as the longing he felt for his wives and children.
That wouldn't have been as difficult to deal with, but he was currently faced with another dilemma that he wasn't sure how to handle.
"God, there is an enemy army approaching."
Abaddon's reptilian eyes followed Kanami's finger, and he saw a large army approaching from the west.
Most likely, they were reinforcements arriving for the town they just destroyed a few hours ago.
After razing the entire fort to the ground, Kanami had the idea to allow one of the soldiers to 'escape' and call for help.
If you can make the enemy come to you, then why would you go to them?
Abaddon sighed in defeat before returning to his regular appearance.
He leisurely clasped his arms behind his head and started walking towards the ruined fort.
'Maybe I'll actually get to do something this time but... I doubt it.'
-
Of the eight mountains of Apeir, there are two members who are twin brothers and travel everywhere together.
Godfrey and Gideon are among the most powerful of all of the eight, and some of the most highly respected as well.
When they heard that their sister fortress had been destroyed by the great enemy, they immediately readied their men and set out.
And now that they were here, they could see that the destruction was even worse than they had imagined.
The huge structure that should have been standing tall, was now no more than a pile of smoldering rubble.
"I smell blood, and even see it..." Godfrey began.
"Aye, but no bodies..." Gideon realized.
With destruction such as this, one would expect there to be an ocean of corpses and body parts around, but there was no such thing.
It was as if they had just left their blood behind and... vanished.
"You're here."
Suddenly, a man walked through the smoldering flames, and the army immediately went on their guard.
At the front, the eyes of the two generals narrowed as they recognized Abaddon from his description alone.
Skin as black as the night itself, long hair the color of freshly spilled blood, and a frightening gaze containing eyes of two entirely different colors.
' '...This motherfucker is too handsome.' '
Gideon and Godfrey seemingly had the exact idea at once, and their hatred of this man who they'd never even met before reached an unnecessary level.
Gideon suddenly realized that Abaddon did not seem to be alarmed by their arrival, and even appeared to be waiting for them.
He looked down from his horse at the man who'd led them here.
This was the dwarf who had escaped from the initial assault and come to their doorstep begging for help.
"You let him escape." Gideon guessed correctly.
"Something like that."
With a flick of his finger, Abaddon launched a small ball of pressurized water right between the eyes of the dwarven soldier, killing him instantly.
"You bastard!"
"Why would you do that!?"
Abaddon did not seem to be bothered by their rage in the slightest and re-clasped his hands behind his head, as if he was still bored out of his mind.
"I gave him the offer to surrender once before, and he did not take it. I am a great many things, but I am not a man who goes back on his word."
Gideon and Godfrey ground their teeth together as they stared at Abadon with looks that could kill.
"So then all of the men stationed at this fort... you killed them as well!? Because they would not surrender to you?"
"Sure, but also because they were hungry."
"What?"
Abaddon casually pointed up into the sky, and horrifying creatures burst through the clouded night overhead.
They were something like dragons but a little bit smaller, and they had no wings or arms along their massive black scaly bodies.
They danced in the sky while peering at the ground below, their red eyes seemingly waiting for the slightest conflict to break out.
"W-What the hell..?"
"Dragons!?"
"I've never seen any kind of dragon like that!"
As the army fell into the fear that came with seeing the euphrates in their true forms, Abaddon extended to them a simple courtesy.
"I make you the same offer that I made the one who now lies face down in the dirt. Lay down your weapons and kneel and if you do not, you will cease to draw breath within thirty minutes."
After a full twenty seconds, one soldier finally could not suppress his fear, and fell to the ground with tears running through his face.
Whether they were due to Abaddon's previous demonstration or the horrifying monsters in the sky above, was really anyone's guess.
Like a domino effect, one soldier turned into two, then five, then twenty.
In the end, roughly 5,000 men out of this one-million-man army surrendered before the fight even began.
Gideon and Godfrey were furious.
"Cowards!! I'll remember the faces of you lot, and I'll make sure that every one of you face punishment!"
"All of you should be ashamed to call yourselves men!! You should have joined a whorehouse instead of the army!"
"Do not belittle them because their vision supersedes your own. When the sun rises, you will not even be able to regret that you did not make the same choice." Abaddon said casually.
"Big talk for a man who hides behind his creatures!"
"Without them, you would fare no better than an insect against us!"
""We will kill you all, and deliver your heads to king Darius!!""
Suddenly, a small twinge of emotion pierced through Abaddon's empty heart.
An emotion that he hadn't felt since this war began was threatening to burst free.
"Are you... challenging me to fight you on my own?"
Gideon and Godfrey suddenly paused and looked at each other.
Without saying a word, they had an entire conversation.
'Is this prick so easy to goad?'
'I said it as a mockery but... isn't this better for us?'
'We cannot afford to waste this opportunity.'
'That's true.'
Turning back around, they unsheathed twin bronze blades and pointed them at him menacingly.
""That's exactly what we're saying! Are you man enough to accept?!""
Inside, Abaddon's soul was seemingly revitalized.
"That's... Pfft... Hahahahahahaha!!!"
The dragon laughed loudly as he stared up into the night and spoke to his forces above.
"My euphrates. It seems as though your hunger will go unsated for the time being."
Oddly enough, the source of his depression came from the Euphrates themselves.
In the entire time he had been at war, he hadn't gotten to fight a single goddamn battle.
'How can we allow our god to fight against such inferior enemies? We exist so that such a thing never has to occur!'
'My god, I bring you the head of the enemy leader, I hope to please you with this offering.'
'Please relax, leave all of these insects to us.'
He had heard it all.
The Euphrates and Malenia were so fanatical in their worship that an enemy never even came within 100 feet of him unless they were already dead.
They were something like children bringing home a good report card and so desperately hoping to be praised.
It was almost like he had over fifty kids instead of four.
And maybe that was why he couldn't bring it upon himself to tell them to ease up.
Their sheer determination to be praised was almost as adorable as Mira's little sailor mouth.
But now that he had a perfectly good excuse to participate, he could finally feel some excitement in his life once again.
In the sky above, Malenia was seated on top of Kanami's snout and looking down at the ground curiously.
"Hey... doesn't master seem a bit happy to have been challenged?"
"I... do not know? He's certainly smiling a lot."
"I know, it's making me really hor-"
"Can you just stop for five seconds!"
"No."
BOOM!
Abaddon stomped hard on the ground, and a wall of ice surrounded himself and the army, trapping them all together.
"What is the meaning of this!?" Gideon roared.
Abaddon had a pointed smile as he popped his knuckles and stretched his torso.
"I had to take certain measures so that you would not run away. You've made assurances to me and I intend to make you keep them."
Done stretching, Abaddon walked forward with no weapon in hand, but emanating a distinctive feeling of danger that no blade could match.
"Come along now, dwarves. Which one of you wants to entertain me first?"
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