Chapter 553: Remember
LERRIN
It had been months earlier. He was saturated in grief over his sister, but determined to do his duty both as Alpha, and as brother. So he'd gone to Lucine's tent, intending to remove her personal things to make room for Asta, his second.
Before he learned that she, too, was a betrayer.
Lerrin blinked that part of the memory away and turned his mind back to that moment when he'd walked in and found Suhle under the eyes and hands of another male. Her hood high to hide her face, her posture submissive.
He hadn't known her strength, then. And he hadn't known the evil present in his own males.
He'd seen only a devoted servant, and a male with eyes for her…
"I… I am a trained servant," she had said, her head tipped down and eyes averted, her shoulders rounded in submission.
"Yes, and you clearly served my sister well. I'm grateful—"
"You carry a great load now, Sire, and I have… no responsibilities. Perhaps… perhaps I could serve you instead?"
Lerrin frowned. "That's very kind of you, but I have no need of a servant. I am very self-sufficient." He turned away again, but she didn't stop.
"I am certain that you are, Sire. Your sister spoke of your… lack of arrogance. It commended me to you when you became Alpha. But, while you may not have need of a servant, perhaps… have you considered that, as one of your people, I have need of a master?"
Her scent was untangled. There was no guile. Yet, he'd never heard such a ridiculous thing before. "No wolf has need of a master…" He turned back to face her, frowning. "What is your name?"
"Suhle,"
"Suu-lee?"
"Yes, Suhle," she said, then spelled it out, pulling her hood back and raising her eyes as it fell. Lerrin's eyebrows climbing as she did so.
She was, perhaps, the most beautiful wolf he had ever seen—even more so than his sister. Though he shuddered to think of his own flesh and blood that way, he was not blind. His sister had been desired since her first breeding season for a reason.
Lucine had been the golden light, to his midnight dark. But this wolf… he had heard of her. Whispers among the males—even those of his father's generation. Even without a powerful birth, she would have rivalled Lucine for desirability as a mate, except for one thing.
"You are disformed?" he said thoughtlessly, then wanted to bite his own tongue. Grief had shattered his filters.
But she faced him, unwavering. "Yes."
He swallowed. "Well, Suhle, fear not. I do not hold the old ideas about the disformed. Under my rule, you will not be limited by anything beyond your own ambition. So, you do not need a master, you simply need a purpose."
"I have found my purpose, Sire. I am… suited to service," she said firmly. They had argued about the need for servitude, his belief that she should not debase herself in such a way. But she stood firm.
"I do not wish to… raise criticism, Sire. I only wish to ask for your patronage. I have need of a master. A strong master. Your sister saw my need and offered her cover—for which I was truly grateful. But now, with her gone…"
"Cover? What cover? Why do you need a strong master?"
Her lips pressed thin. "I have taken the old covenant," she said tightly.
"The old cov—?" Finally, the pieces clicked into place.
She'd chosen not to mate at all until she had found her true mate. A choice that was commendable, but not common among the wolves. And with her beauty…
Suddenly, the scene he had interrupted when he stepped into the tent took on an entirely new meaning. "Hold… when I entered here—"
"I was avoiding the attentions of that male," she said plainly.
He'd been half-turned towards the door, but now he came back, stepping right up to her, watching her shoulders roll and her chin drop, but her hands at her sides were clenched to fists.
He opened his nose and scented her. Sure enough, spikes of anger and fear rose, twisted into her scent that reminded him of the sweet, juicy, darkberries that only fruited in the fall.
"You have no need to fear me," he said, frustrated, standing over her.
"Yes, Sire…" She hesitated. "I hope you are true," she said quietly.
At first, offense rose in him. But as she held herself so still, and he loomed over her…was it any wonder she stood there, defensive?
He stepped back to give her more space and noted when she relaxed a hair. "You have no need to fear me," he said, more softly this time. "I would have hoped you had no need to fear any male under my watch…"
She remained silent.
Lerrin snorted air through his nose. He looked longingly at the tent-flap, then back to her. "You truly have chosen servitude?"
"Truly," she said firmly.
They'd argued again about goals versus purpose. And she, as he would learn she always did, saw right to the heart of him.
Her lips pulled up in a smile. "Your purpose is to bring your people to the best of themselves.? A noble purpose indeed, and one that mine can support wholeheartedly. So, I ask you again, Sire. Will you let me serve you? Will you offer the protection of your cover?"
He'd eyed her warily. "I do not warm my bed with those who work for me. If you would seek power through that, it will not work."
She had shivered. "I assure you that is not how I seek power. It relieves me greatly to hear that you do not expect those… attentions, Sire. They are not part of the service I offer. I find no joy in those activities."
He'd frowned, recognizing that she had not answered when he asked after the conduct of his men.
A growl rose in his throat. "Have you been mistreated, Suhle?"
But she once again dodged the question. "All of us have experiences we would rather forget, have we not? Will you allow me to serve, Sire? I can make your life easier, and you can make mine more peaceful. A… joint endeavor, if you will accept me and claim my service as your own."
Lerrin had rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I may say yes," he said, eyes closed. "But under one condition: Stay out of my head. I will not desire to join minds, except in dire circumstances. When I am alone, I wish to stay alone."
She nodded, and her smile broadened. "I am happy to respect that wish."
"Then, very well," he said. "Move your things from this tent because it will be taken by Asta. Find a place near mine. I will put it about that you'll be serving me. And only me."
Her eyes, the blue of the sky on a clear spring day, locked on his and sparkled. "Thank you."
He'd found it strange, that day the way that lifted his heart in his chest.
Lerrin blinked and returned to here, to now, to the pain in his body…. And the pain in his soul.
He had not seen her clearly then.
But now… now even with his pain, even with all that had passed between them… now he saw her.
*****
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