Chapter 552: Not Dead Yet
LERRIN
A low groan rolled in his chest, even that small vibration causing pain. But he couldn't reach for Suhle, couldn't touch her as he yearned to do. So he stroked her mind with his own.
No matter what. You are the only one for me as well, he admitted. I never said the bond doesn't exist, Suhle. I only… I cannot receive it.
Her face crumpled and he wished he could comb her hair back with his hand, to have a clearer view of her. He ached for her, but resisted, too.
Find someone who will protect you, he sent. There is too much here to overcome alone. When I am dead… do not waste your life loving a corpse, Suhle. You have love to give. Give it.
"Stop talking like that!" she hissed. "You are not a waste! You are proud and upright and strong and… and you have a keen mind. You are beautiful heart, Lerrin. Let yourself see the truth of this!"
He closed his eyes and sighed as deeply as he could without coughing.
I unleashed evil in my own people, he sent sadly. I couldn't see their lies… or yours. I am blind. Too blind.
"And you had all the humility and strength to admit it! To do what was possible to heal the wounds of your people!" she countered. "Your character, Lerrin—who you are—I see you. I see all of you, my mate. Why can't you see yourself?
"It is so much harder to turn from wrong and make it right. So much more difficult than to have started on a path and held it. You saw the deception and owned your wrong. You are redeemed, Lerrin. Do you hear me? You are redeemed!"
He opened his eyes again and they stared at each other in silence, her face pleading, his resigned.
"Please," she begged, her voice broken and hushed. "Please… redeem me. I hid my truth from you not to harm you, Lerrin, I promise it. I vow it to my death. I never intended to hurt you, or others through you. I never lied to you—everything I told you was true, and my truest hope. But I… I omitted my safety with Reth because I knew I could be trusted to hold your secrets. I would not betray you, I would never betray you!" She stroked his cheek so softly with her thumb, tears welling in her eyes. "I knew I would never betray you, and so I told myself… I told myself you didn't need to know. That you had enough to worry about. That your focus should be yourself. I was… I was a coward. I'm sorry, Lerrin. I'm so sorry. I know I should have told you from the first, but I was so scared… so scared first that you would not cover me, and then that I would lose you. I wanted your trust so badly… because you had mine."
Suhle—
"Do not deny me!" she whisper-screamed. "You can trust me, Lerrin. You know you can! You have always been able to trust me! I have never betrayed your heart. Never! I never betrayed your love. I worked for your good, always. Never for your harm, or the harm of your people. Always… always for what was best. Please… Trust… it is so hard for me, you know that. But that's why I'm so certain you are such a prize. Your heart is so good! I feel safe with you, Lerrin. I never feel safe. Not truly. Do you understand? But with you… even when you are angry I long to be in the circle of your arms."
Lerrin closed his eyes at the image that rocked him then—Suhle, the first night they had finally acknowledged what they were to each other. The way she'd curled into him, tense and nervous, but… yearning.
He'd done nothing but hold her that night, woken up with her in his arms. But the joy of that… the knowledge that she had slept when she often struggled even when she was alone. That she had never entrusted herself to another that way, even in that small way, yet she did for him… It lit his heart from within.
She had always lit him up from within.
No one else had ever done that.
He groaned and opened his eyes again.
She was all he could see. Knelt on the bloodied floor, heedless of her leathers, her eyes wet and shining with tears of worry and grief. For him. Her hand to his face, so softly because she knew how he hurt.
He was so tired, but he ached to hold her. To be held.
He didn't know what to do.
And he must have sent that thought without realizing it, because a small smile stretched her trembling lips. "You don't have do anything. Just… let yourself love me, Lerrin. Please."
I have never stopped loving you, Suhle. That is not what I suffer.
The words were resigned. Afraid. And honest.
She shook them off with another smile. "I can help you," she whispered. "I can help heal you, and I can… I can make sure Reth protects you better."
The words, what they meant, the picture of her embracing Reth, of her comfort with the male. Her assumption she had only to ask him and he would assist her. It made Lerrin want to snap his teeth.
Everything always came back to fucking Reth!
But, either his mind was open without his permission, or she knew him too well, because her expression hardened then. With anger. At him.
"Stop seeing bonds where they do not exist," she whispered, hushed, but angry. "I know Reth will help because he will help any of his people. You could ask it of him and he would do it. Because he is a good male. Just like you, Lerrin."
Lerrin begged to differ, but she wasn't stopping. Gentle as her hand was on his face, her words snapped in the air between them.
"I came to you as a nobody, Lerrin. When you were King. I came as a servant, unknown and untested. I asked for your help, and you gave it. because you measured me true. Do you remember, Lerrin?"
He sighed softly. Because he did.
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Zev prowled towards her, all shining, brutal beauty, his chin low and those incredible, piercing eyes fixed on her. He didn't stop until they were toe-to-toe and he blocked her view of every other male in the circle.
His eyes dipped to her mouth as he leaned in, his whisper playing on her skin.
"You. Are. Mine."
His deep voice twanged in her belly as the howls of the wolf pack rose from behind him to echo across the mountains of Thana, while the other Chimera protested his claim.
Fighting the urge to stroke his broad, bare chest with her shaking hands, Sasha forced herself to tilt her head and raise an eyebrow. "So bold for a pup who just found his fangs."
The other males roared with laughter.
Ignoring their taunts, Zev's eyes sparked and he leaned even closer, the scruff on his jaw tickling her cheek as he smiled. "So bold for a human who already knows the pleasure of gasping my name."
She shivered when his teeth grazed her ear.
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