Chapter 525: Broken Hearts, Broken Minds
GAHRYE
Gahrye hadn't really slept, though hours after he went to bed on the couch he'd reached that place where the world was fading and he was drawing into himself.
Until he heard them.
First, Elia, her voice high and desperate. Then Reth, calling to her. The adrenalin rush sucked him out of the half-sleep void and his eyes opened to the darkened cave, the arm of the couch under his head, and the rhythmic joy of the voices in the bedchamber.
The thick, rock walls of the cave were a mercy. He couldn't hear everything. But he could hear enough.
He was immediately slammed with the memories of his own mate—her head thrown back and throat bared, her body prickling under his hands, writhing. Her voice in his ear.
The sheer desperation he felt for her tightened his body. Then Elia cried out and Gahrye was on his feet, hands shaking. Despite eyes stinging and bleary with lack of sleep, he was wide awake and he had to get out. Get away from this.
He couldn't be in the presence of their joy and desire. It would break him.
He'd left all his things inside the bag on the floor, so it was a simple matter to pick it up and throw it over his shoulder and stride for the door.
Aymora cursed as he was crossing the Great Room towards the door. She leaned over to shake Jayah, muttering something about stupid Alpha males, but Gahrye didn't care. He didn't want to hear anything. None of it.
He'd unbarred the door and was pushing to get out, almost at a trot, when Reth's roar shook the cave. He didn't even pretend anymore and began to sprint, the echo of Reth's roar chasing him into the meadow.
He couldn't go back. He couldn't. But as he sprinted towards the trees, he also realized he had nowhere to go.
He'd gone to his old Tree the night before—to find lights on, and the noise of a family bubbling from inside it.
Aymora had explained that many of the Anima had been forced to share or move to make room, to bring everyone into the protection of the Tree City when battle was imminent. She'd assured him they would have a home for him today. But… but that didn't help him just then.
He slowed once he got under the trees and onto the path back to the City. Then stopped.
Where would he go?
For a moment the sheer misery of his situation washed over him in a wave. He dropped his bag to the ground and stood there, face in his hands, fighting tears. Had he done so little, meant so little that he was just an afterthought now?
Elia would help him, he knew. But she was consumed—with her mate, and with her coming cub.
Instinctively he turned back—then remembered Elia's cry, and Reth's roar. His mind flooded with Kalle—the scent of her, the warmth and softness of her skin, the rose blush of her nipples—
He jerked his head aside, pushing the images away. He couldn't torture himself that way, it would tip him over the edge.
But what could he do? Sit in the market all day?
It didn't sound appealing, but he also wasn't sure what other option he had. He picked up the bag and began to walk—until he looked up and realized, the sky was barely gray. The market wouldn't be open for at least another hour. Probably two.
Kalle's eyes, that strange mix of brown and green and gold, flashed in his mind and for a moment she was there with him. Smiling up at him, rubbing his arms, enjoying his strength.
She leaned into his ear and whispered all the ways she admired him—the desire she felt when he lifted heavy things. The admiration she had for his integrity, his mind. The trust she felt.
"I know you'll always do the right thing," she'd said to him. "I know I can trust you no matter what's going on. You'll always do what you think is right. Do you know how rare that is?"
She'd looked up at him with those large eyes, her lips pulling up into a smile. "The world needs more men like you, Gahrye."
Then she'd shown him exactly how much she trusted him.
He stumbled on the path and blinked, coming back to the present with a jolt.
He couldn't let her down. He couldn't become anything less than she'd seen. The Creator would never let him go back if he failed.
Gahrye took a deep breath of the clear morning air and raised his head to scan the forest.
He was here. He was back in Anima. He was alone—but not forever. Somehow he would get back to his mate. Somehow. Until then, he couldn't give in to this pathetic self-pity. This weakness.
He was not weak. He was not stupid. And no matter what the Anima here thought of him, back in the human world, his mate saw his strength.
He would show her that whether she was with him or not, she never had reason to fear that he would do anything to shame her.
Snorting and nodding once, he started along the trail again. But now his mind was racing. He needed a place to sit in the quiet and plan, to figure out the best way forward in his purpose. The purpose the Creator Himself had given him.
Then he met a fork in the path and hesitated before taking the one that would return him to the center of the Tree City and the market. Because he'd just remembered: The disformed cave.
He and the other Outsiders used it to gather when they were tired or sick of being under the eyes of anyone who judged them for their birth.
It wasn't the most comfortable spot, but it would be mostly private, and only interrupted by Anima he actually wanted to see.
Maybe… maybe he could start on this purpose today. After all, the disformed were the ones he had to focus on. What better spot to begin his… what was it? A campaign? A battle? A plan?
All of the above.
And he was the right Anima for it. Even the Creator made that clear.
The rest of them could kiss his ass, as Kalle would say.
He knew what he was there to do.
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