Chapter 518: Don't Sleep
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*****
RETH
They lay together in the dark of the cave, Elia's head on his shoulder and her breath washing over his skin. She didn't breathe like she was sleeping, but she also didn't speak. He left her to rest and vowed to watch over her, to keep her safe. To know if anything began to go wrong, even before she did.
He couldn't relax.
He was overjoyed that she was back. Terrified of what was yet to come with this unknown pregnancy and… The image of her pulling out of his arms to rush to Gahrye kept running in a loop in his head. Her childlike confusion and frantic emotions.
He shifted uneasily, dropping his head to the side to kiss her crown.
Elia's hand that was resting on him twitched, her fingers digging into his chest for a second. Her nails—long and uncut for weeks—biting into his skin.
He was grateful for it. It meant she was truly here. He wouldn't wake in a moment with the scent of her on the furs, but her warmth fading and her presence… gone. He knew he wouldn't. He knew she was truly here. But a sharp, unfocused terror still screamed in the back of his head.
He'd almost lost her, that much was clear. She'd been stuck in her beast—and who knew whether she yet would be again. She'd almost delivered their cub prematurely, and still might. And she'd… she'd come back changed.
Had the human world broken her mind?
He prayed it hadn't. He prayed her confusion tonight was a result of the herbs, the fear, the time in her beast, the dreams… all of it. He prayed that when she woke, finally rested, her mind would be clear and she would turn that look of love and desire back on him… that they would share the struggle of keeping her healthy and their baby growing inside her for as long as the Creator allowed.
He prayed that she wasn't changed permanently.
He huffed a humorless laugh at his own thought. Of course she was changed permanently. He had been. And his life had at least been… recognizable. Hers? Her entire world had shifted, literally.
She was Anima now.
He shook his head. She was beautiful, and magnificent, massive and fierce.
And she was his. No matter what, she was his.
He pulled her tighter into his chest, and she buried her nose in his neck and sighed, clinging to him.
No matter what, he thought as he stroked a hand down her back.
No matter what.
*****
ELIA
It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. It was another dream—and scary this time because she'd almost lost the baby in it. A nightmare. But Aymora had given her the tonic, so she would stay here for a while, and she needed to be here.
She couldn't handle it anymore. Everything that had happened, everything that hadn't happened… she'd retreated into her beast, and she knew it. She'd given up fighting and it was the wrong thing to do. But she didn't know what else she could have done.
Gahrye had Kalle and they needed to be together as much as they could.
Reth was fighting Lerrin—possibly even losing, though her entire body tightened at the thought and she prayed and prayed that he was safe.
They'd been given the hidden histories, but her mind… she couldn't hold the information anymore. She'd tried. She'd tried to read and remember and… she'd failed.
No. She was easier to care for as the beast, so she needed to stay that way until Reth came for her.
Kalle and Gahrye would find what was needed.
They would deal with Shaw—another reason for her to stay in the beast.
An image flashed in her mind then. Part of this dream. This horrible dream. So much darker than the others had been.
Shaw's face—first twisted in anger and malicious glee, then wide and screaming with pain.
The taste of him, of his blood, his flesh was in her mind and she shook it away.
That wasn't her. It was a dream. She hadn't done that. It was a dream.
The voices…
That was the only comfort in this dream, it had shielded her from the voices. Not forced her to meet them again.
She didn't think she could have done that.
But Shaw… if the voices could follow people out… had they followed her and Gahrye?
She tensed in a rush, her entire body going rigid. Dream-Reth shushed her, pulling her closer and kissing her hair, murmuring comfort.
This was the best part of the dream. She didn't want to leave it.
She couldn't go to sleep. As soon as she slept she would fade and she would be back in her own world, alone and in pain and with no answers about Reth…
No. She needed to stay here and stay awake, and enjoy this for as long as she could. Because there was nothing on the other side for her. Gahrye deserved to be with Kalle without her ruining everything.
She sighed and inhaled Reth's scent deeply, memorizing again the texture of his skin, the salty taste of his collarbones.
Everything within her seemed to swell at the smell of him, the warmth, the smooth strength of his skin.
How was she going to survive leaving again?
She wouldn't. It was that simple.
So, she couldn't sleep. As long as she stayed awake, the tonic would keep her here, and she could love Reth and be close to him, and he was alive.
It didn't matter how tired she was. It didn't matter how spent, or weak.
She wouldn't sleep. She would just lay here with Dream Reth and love him. Ache for him. And pray that none of the things she'd seen in the past twenty-four hours would actually come true.
She wasn't sure she was strong enough to do the traverse again. But if Gahrye could keep her safe in it, she would. To get back to Reth, she'd do anything.
She definitely wouldn't eat Shaw. Hadn't eaten him. Even in the dream she'd stopped herself after only a few bites.
He'd tasted horrible.
The hair on the back of her neck stood up and she turned away from the thoughts.
That wasn't what she needed right now. Right now she just needed to be here, close to Reth, to soak him in.
Who knew how long it would be before they could meet again in the dream like this?
*****
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