Chapter 387: The Drums of War
LERRIN
Lerrin's chest was tight, his mind echoing with images of the prisoners who had already been killed, with vivid images of Reth descending on him, tied in a corner and unable to defend himself.
He knew the risk was real. And he knew if he were in Reth's shoes it is what he would have done—having received an accurate message to stop the attack or not. He wouldn't have allowed the Cat to live. If he'd been provided the means to find and imprison his enemy, not only would he have taken it, he would have bitten out the male's throat the moment they were breathing the same air.
The thought he had then took his breath away. It came to him, in full color and sound, that he walked into this day praying that his enemy—the male he'd taunted, attempted to kill, and declared war on—was more merciful, more balanced, more wide awake, than he was himself.
How was that possible?
Creator, help us, he prayed silently. I have been changed by these events—I see more clearly now. Please make sure my enemy does the same. I do not wish to lose my mate when I have just found her…
He swallowed hard and kissed Suhle briefly, inhaling her scent, and committing to memory the softness of her skin, the exact timbre of her sighs.
If it had not been for discovering her, he might have prayed that Reth would kill him. Every time he thought of how he'd turned his eyes from truth, how he'd been determined to hate even when his instincts told him—correctly—that he was not seeing clearly, his stomach became a pit of dread and putrid sick. Shame coated him, soaked into his skin until it overwhelmed his scent.
How could he call himself an Alpha, a leader—a King!—and not have seen what was happening in his people? It burned in his gullet that Reth had tried to warn him right back when this began, that the cat had somehow already known. Or at least had some hint…
He shook his head and found Suhle's eyes again.
"I am ready to fight for my life," he said, his fingers still trailing through her hair and down her back. "But we both need to pray that Reth is willing to follow through on his promise for peace. That he has not been tainted by war. That he found some reason for killing the prisoners beyond sheer bloodlust. Because that is the only way I will be able to return to you quickly." He swallowed hard and groaned. "Suhle, how did we get to this point? I cannot send you into danger, but I must!" he clung to her, resting his forehead on hers, his eyes closed against the pain of the images blooming in his mind—of her in Reth's hands. Or his beast's claws.
He swallowed hard. "When you're done, the moment you have delivered the message, you must return here immediately. You must hide until I return so there is no chance—"
"No, Lerrin." Her voice was soft, but determined. "I will return to the camp and I will hunt down this faction. Anything I can find can only help us identify them and their goals more clearly. So while you are gone and I am driven mad with worry, I will spend the time until you return gathering information on them so that when you return—or we are called to the Tree City—you can know who to target. I will find out everything I can. For you. So you can remove them."
Just that little idea reminded him that his oldest friend, and Second, was a traitor. The rage bubbled up into his throat and he growled. But Suhle stroked his chest and whispered comfort.
"I know you fear that she has betrayed you, but I am not certain she is a traitor, Lerrin. I have seen her discussions with them three times, and it is always the same. She forwards the idea of working with you, of finding a way through this that involves you."
"The fact that she lied makes her a traitor, no matter what goal she began with. I will remove her on my return, regardless," Lerrin snarled.
"But—"
"No, Suhle. I adore your heart, and you are wise. But I am not moveable on this." His determination matched her own. "She has hidden the truth from me at the very least. And has likely been undermining my throne from the start. I will not give her any further chances to bring the people closer to this sick goal of theirs."
Suhle paled. "Do you truly believe her sin unforgiveable, even if she hoped to bring you together?"
"Yes," he spat, then closed his eyes. "Do not flinch. It is not you I am angry at, I'm sorry, Suhle. I'm sorry."
But despite the paleness of her face, she was nodding. "I hear you, Lerrin. I would not be so quick to dismiss, but I hear you." She sighed, her fingers digging into his back. "Very well. I will discover as much as I can about who else is involved and at what level. And if I find anything that confirms Asta as a traitor, I will tell you, I promise."
And then they were done, he realized. And his stomach sank.
Neither of them wanted to leave. Neither of them wanted to part, or stop holding the other. But Lerrin knew they had to.
So, as she stared up at him, he tipped her chin, marveling at how she bared herself to his touch so easily.
"I am yours, Suhle," he whispered. "Forever. You have me."
Tears filled her eyes, shining on her lashes. "And I am yours," she said in a choked whisper.
"I love you."
"I love you."
"We will be together again and we will… we will make a life," he said hoarsely.
"Yes." She smiled then, and the whole world got brighter. As he pulled her into a kiss, he prayed one day he might have a heart as good as hers. That she might rub off on him, until he could be as proud of himself as he was of her.
Then they finally let each other go, though they held hands until they stepped out of the dark of the cave and into the light, on their way to war.
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