Chapter 386: Traitor
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LERRIN
"I am going to tell you our planned attack—where we will enter his territory, where we will hide to wait, what time we will attack, where I can be found. I am… I am putting my life in his hands, Suhle. He may kill me first. But… but I cannot in good conscience see the people at war—I cannot risk our people winning, knowing what the wolves are moving towards. And yet, I cannot put my people back under him, either. He has not done well for the wolves. I hope, pray, there is a compromise we can find. A way to live in peace, or…" he whispered. "Is it possible to be a traitor to a people who live in hate and will use their power against others? Am I wrong? Or are they? Are we both? I am… I am so confused…"
"Do not be. You walk in the Light, Lerrin."
Lerrin snorted. "I do not know about that. What I do know is that I cannot see another way to eradicate the rot from among my people and NOT kill everyone in the Tree City two days from now. I wish I had seen this sooner. I know you were trying to help me see, Suhle. I am sorry I was so blind. About so many things."
They held each other for a moment before he pulled back to look at her precious face. "The time has come to work with one enemy in order to overcome a greater one. If I can get the Cat to listen."
She raised an eyebrow. "You might not want to call him 'the cat' at the negotiation table," she said dryly.
Lerrin chuckled, but it died on his lips quickly. He stared into her beautiful eyes and his chest ached physically—fear of losing her, grief at what had happened to her, anger at the idea that she would be in danger while he was gone…
He pulled her into his chest again. "I have never been so afraid in my life," he admitted gruffly. "Thinking of sending you into his paws makes me want to wet myself."
"I am more frightened for you," she whispered, clinging to his back. "And frightened of never holding you again, never being held. You are… so important to me, Lerrin."
"I know you were right about not fulfilling the bond," he whispered. "I know you are safer because of it. But… I wish it wasn't so. I wish we had."
"I do too."
Lerrin frowned. "How can that be, after what you have been through?" he asked carefully. "I know you told me that you do not enjoy the physical acts of mating, Suhle. If we need to wait, or… or not do that… I will understand."
She swallowed and pulled back again so he could hold her eyes. "I have discovered something these past weeks. I am no longer so… against it." She took a deep breath. "The difference isn't the act, it is why.
"Before I met you, I never felt truly safe with a male in that way—even those I enjoyed and who loved me. I was always afraid. So any touch felt like a violation."
He squeezed her again, but she didn't drop his gaze. "You make me feel safe, Lerrin. I feel safer with you than I do alone. That has never happened before. And with that feeling comes desire. I did not ask for it. I did not expect it. But it is there.
"I cannot say how my past will affect me, or that I will never recoil from you. But you should know that if I do, it will not be because of you. And… and I look forward to being that close to you. I want to complete the bond. I want… I want to do that when you return," she said breathlessly.
He nodded slowly. "I want that too. I want everyone to know you are mine. Only mine. I want them to be certain I will kill them if they touch you. But more than that… I want to show you how I feel about you."
Her cheeks pinked, but she leaned up to kiss him softly.
Lerrin wanted to get lost in her, to spend these final minutes alone in nothing but love. But he knew they had to discuss the? plan. So a moment later he pulled back and began combing her hair back from her face with his fingers as he spoke, outlining how they would reach the royal meadow. Where the soldiers would be positioned to take the Tree City. The signals they planned to use.
Suhle's face grew more and more grim as he spoke and understanding dawned on her face—if this went wrong and Reth wasn't able to guard against it, it would happen. And the wolves might win.
"…are you certain you can get to him?" Lerrin asked for the fourth time.
"I am certain I can get a message to him," she said softly.
"You have to relay that conversation at the River. No one will know about that except me and Reth and Behryn. He will know the message truly comes from me if you include that."
She nodded. "I remember. I will quote it."
Lerrin began to tremble, his mind suddenly full of fearful images of her being taken by a group of guards, thrown into a prison, tortured… killed.
He sucked in a breath. "No… this is wrong. I can't put you in this kind of danger."
"I will never let myself get in danger, Lerrin. Trust me. Look at me!"
He did look down at her again and her eyes shone with confidence and love.
"This is why my skills leave me uniquely equipped," she whispered. "I can be in and out before they even know I was there."
Lerrin grunted. "As soon as you have gotten the message to him, you have to get out of there. But… how will you do that? He is killing prisoners—"
"I know how to get information to him without putting myself in his hands. And if all else fails, I have a family member that can relay it for me—they will not give me up. And you are correct—that memory will validate the message." But then her lips thinned. "The thing I fear is that he may have become so frightened that he will not give you freedom. He may come for you—and not to speak."
Lerrin swallowed hard. As usual she saw the truth.
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