Chapter 359: Don't Move
LERRIN
Lerrin stayed where he was in the middle of the tent, his back still to Suhle. He could smell her—a heady mix of fear, relief, and something he couldn't identify. He clenched his hands and reminded himself that he couldn't reach for her. Had to make her comfortable. Had to let her see that he would never let her be put in this position again.
He cleared his throat and didn't turn. He needed another moment to be strong. "I am sorry that happened," he murmured. "I will attempt to ensure that it is not possible in future. I will give an order to the Guards that no one is to enter the tent when I am not here," he said. "Please don't… don't be afraid to be here, Suhle. I will… I am going to fix this."
"I know," she breathed from directly behind him, much closer than he'd expected.
He turned, startled, to find her standing toe-to-toe with him, eyes wide and locked on his.
The bubbling that had started in his veins as soon as he saw her rose to a full boil. Heat, yearning, a desire to protect… Everything within him pulled towards her so strongly, and he had to fight so hard to keep himself back, it frightened him.
What was it about her that drew him so? And clearly not just him, but any male who spent time in her company.
It wasn't just her beauty—Lerrin rarely noticed anymore. And she hid under that hood most of the time when there were others present…
"Suhle, I'm sorry I—"
I did not run from you because I was afraid, she sent, her eyes tight and pleading.
Hope exploded in his chest and Lerrin held his breath.
I ran because… because…
She trailed off and tore her eyes away from his, looking down at the ground, her eyes darting back and forth as if she were truly searching for something.
He waited while she struggled, praying she would find the words, praying that the growing ball of hope wouldn't be shattered.
I did not come here for you, Lerrin. I did not know if I would stay, she sent hesitantly, still not looking at him. I came because I thought I could do good, but I swore to myself that I would not… that I would not stay if…
"I'm sorry," he breathed. "I should have seen it sooner. I should have let myself see it. I am… I am trying, Suhle. I will not allow this to continue whether you are here or not."
She nodded, but still sent through the bond rather than speaking to him.
I know. I knew you were a good heart, Lerrin. I knew that pain was driving you and that when that passed, things would improve for you. I wanted… I wanted to take some of that for you. To help you.
Instinctively he reached for her—to cup her face, to comb her hair back so he could see her clearly. But he caught himself when she tensed, his arm halfway up.
It grieves me that I make you fear, he sent.
She blinked. "You do not," she said simply and finally looked at him again. "You do not frighten me at all," she whispered.
He frowned. Yet you do not want me to touch you.
I want you to touch me very much—
Lerrin sucked in a breath.
—but I fear… I fear if you do I will never return from it, she sent and her eyes closed as if she were in pain.
She was there. Right there. Hurting and confused and he didn't know why. But he knew if he stepped wrongly, this was the last time she would ever be so close.
Tell me, what's the right thing to do? he pleaded with her.
She looked up at him and his stomach dropped. There was so much grief and fear in her gaze he was certain she was about to tell him never to reach for her.
But instead she looked into his eyes, back and forth, as if he awed her. Then she swallowed audibly. "Don't move," she whispered.
Lerrin froze, everything within him spinning, as she shuffled in the last inches to stand between his feet and she reached up, slowly, her fingers trembling.
His breath came faster and his skin prickled before she even touched him, as if everything within him reached for her, pulled towards her hands, her skin.
Then, with the lightest feather-touch, she stroked her fingertips along his forehead.
The lines here, she sent, they are always deeper when you're worried. I want to wipe them away.
Then she trailed her fingers down the side of his face to his jaw, where she drew the line of it.
This is so strong, so handsome, she sent, her cheeks pinking. But always hard when you are angry, or flustered. I want to soften it, to show you that you do not have to set yourself against everything. That you are not alone in facing what you face.
His breath was coming faster and he prayed she wouldn't notice—until he realized her chest rose and fell quickly too.
Her throat bobbed, but she didn't remove her touch. A moment later she let her eyes drop back to where her fingers still rested on his stubbled jaw, then follow them down the line of his throat.
He wanted to flinch away, to snarl.
He had never in his life allowed another Anima to touch his throat.
But with a quick, soft look in his eyes, she returned to watch herself trace the line from his jaw, down his neck, to his Adam's apple, then the hollow between his collarbones.
And this, she sent. This is where I want to protect you.
A tiny groan broke in his throat and her eyes snapped to his.
Terrified that he'd frightened her, he forced himself to remain still. But she smiled, only a small smile.
Lerrin?
Yes?
Don't. Move.
He watched as she slid her fingers to the back of his neck, then she buried them in the hair at the nape of his neck, tightening her grip there until he almost groaned again.
Then, before he could bring himself to believe it, she pulled his head forward and down, and, watching him closely, she stretched up on her tip-toes to lay her mouth over his.
*****
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