Chapter 321: Talk About Ugly
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LERRIN
Suhle dropped his arm like it burned. "I'm sorry!" she gasped, hands to her mouth. "I'm so sorry, you startled me and—"
"Suhle, who taught you to fight?" Lerrin asked faintly.
She stared at him, shocked. "A family friend."
"You said… you said you chose service even before your first bleeding."
"I did."
He sucked in a breath. "Then why did you learn to fight?"
Her face pinched, but she didn't look away. "To protect myself."
"From what?"
Her breathing was quick and shallow, those haunted shadows he'd seen in her eyes at times were back. He thought she would look away, try to escape him. But instead she pushed her shoulders back and sent to him.
During my twelfth summer I was… attacked.
Lerrin felt it like a punch to the stomach. He'd known. He'd known.
Who? he asked.
She bit her lip. A group of youths that were… I was beautiful even then and they were in that adolescent phase. They thought I was older than I was and they approached me to demonstrate and try to entice me. I wasn't even certain what they were doing. They claimed later that I made the signals. But… I didn't.
Rage exploded in Lerrin's chest. With their minds connected, she wouldn't just sense it in his body, and scent it, she would feel it.
He shook with hot, pulsing anger. He'd tried to keep this side of himself away from her, knowing how sensitive she was to tension. But in that moment, he was overwhelmed with rage.
He thought she'd be afraid, but instead she seemed surprised. "Lerrin, it was a long time ago," she said and reached for his arm, holding it softly… as if to soothe him?
"What tribe?" he snarled.
"It doesn't matter—"
"What. Tribe?" The words were dark and bitten off.
Her jaw went hard. She regarded him carefully, but there was no fear in her scent, for which he was grateful, though he didn't deserve it.
Then she delivered the blow he'd been expecting, but feared.
"They were wolves."
Lerrin ripped out of her grip and stepped back, his heart pounding, hands fisted at his side. "Why didn't I hear about this? What happened to them? Did you not report them? Were they punished?"
"It wasn't…" she trailed off, glancing at the tent flap, then turning back to meet his eyes, she sent to him instead.
You didn't hear of it because nothing occurred for you to hear of. An older male found me in the forest… after. He took me to your father and reported it so I didn't have to speak of it. Your father called the three in together. But they claimed… as I said, they claimed I had made the signals. Their story was the same. It was their word against mine.
Lerrin gaped at her. "Suhle… I'm so sorry…"
She shook her head and turned away, back to the dishes, her hands fluttering slightly. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"But those males—"
"I prefer not to speak of it," she said firmly, still facing away from him.
"Are they here?" he asked, horrified.
She froze. I said, I prefer not to speak of it, she sent, without turning back to him.
Lerrin raked both hands through his hair. No wonder she was afraid of males. No wonder she'd said she needed a master and asked for his cover.
No wonder she was so upset about the Bears.
He'd been such an idiot. So blind. So willing to overlook his instincts. So willing to delay looking into what had happened to her. He'd forced her to come to him, begging for a safe place to sleep!
He was desperate to hit something. To bite someone. Rage and desperation both rose in his throat, threatening to suffocate him. He wanted to punish these males—still would, once he found out who they were. If Suhle wouldn't tell him herself, he guessed a few well-placed questions with the Spy Master was all he would need.
But before then… before then he had a beautiful, broken female in front of him trying desperately to hold onto a shred of dignity.
He wanted to hold her, to gather her in and put himself between her and this world that would do such a horrible thing to her.
Then it occurred to him… "Why did you come?" he asked, faintly. "If you were so mistreated, so wronged… why would you come here? Why would you stay with the tribe?" To even ask the question was an admission that tore out a piece of his heart. But he would think about that later.
She slumped then, her hands dropping into the water. He wondered if she would cry. But instead she dried her hands on the towel next to the basin, then turned to face him. And her eyes were fire.
"I came because I believed—still believe—that what I have to offer, what I am, serves good here," she said firmly. "Nowhere is free of threat. I choose not to run in fear. I choose not to hide from the world. I choose to stand and fight. There are times the fear touches me, yes. And I… I am very grateful that you allow me space here for that reason. But I did not come here for you, Lerrin. I came here to serve the Creator in the only way I know how. And because my purpose is the same as yours: To see the wolves brought to their best place, under the best leader, and in the hope that with time, there will be no need for any young, any female, to fear the strength of an Anima male."
"I already thought there was no reason for you to fear," Lerrin admitted, raking a hand through his hair.
"You were wrong," she said simply.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Suhle."
Then she smiled at him, her small smile. The peaceful one he loved. "Don't be sorry, Lerrin. Be better than the males that harmed me. Lead your people to be better. That is the very best thing any male, any King could do."
He stared at her, stunned again by her beauty, but this time by the beauty of her heart.
"I will," he replied hoarsely. "I vow to you, I will. But I'll also do better than that."
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