Chapter 305: Dreaming in the Dark
RETH - Anima
Three weeks. She'd been gone almost three weeks. Or was it two? Reth sighed and raked a hand through his hair. It was late. Very late. The cave was pitch black except for small lights from the bathing pools where the guards kept twenty-four-hour watch. He'd been in bed for over an hour, but he was just staring at the ceiling.
He needed to sleep. He hadn't slept well, or long, since the day she left. And when he was awake, he spent every second planning, strategizing, making decisions, and trying to reassure himself and others that they were going to come through this.
The tension and adrenalin that carried him through the day—a helpful spur—became a whip late at night, as he saw his responsibilities beginning to wane. As more and more of his friends and helpers left to sleep… his heart would race. Because he knew… he knew he was going to go bed, and lay there staring at the ceiling, wishing for her.
He was a pathetic mess. But he knew himself—and war—well enough to know that he had to find a way to relax. If he didn't, now, while things were relatively quiet, he was going to fall apart when the real conflicts came.
He sighed and rolled over, laying a hand flat to her side of the furs.
Her scent was almost gone and he grieved it. He'd made the mistake of sleeping on her pillow when it started to fade—he'd slept a little better that night, with her scent in his nose—but when he laid down the next day the pillow smelled mainly of himself.
He'd roared in frustration and accidentally brought the guards running. That had been awkward to explain. And the way the guards had looked at each other as they'd left, once they were certain there really was no intruder, had been a spear to his gut…
His father had spoken to him about this time in war—when the enemy was at the gate, but the assault had not come. When you knew they watched, and they let you know they were there. But you could not see the battle front. Not yet…
…They'd been sitting in the building the security council used looking at maps. His father was showing him how the Tree City could be defended, and where its weakest spots were. How to hold those.
"The inexperienced believe that combat is the worst of war. And battle is ugly, son… but it is not the worst. The Creator made you to deal with a problem. And when you're in battle you know where your enemy is, and you know what you have to do…" His father had frowned deeply and pushed his hair back off his rugged face. "No, the worst time is before you know where they will attack. Before you have decided where you will go. When you wait. And anything is possible. Because every creaking door, every running messenger—every sparrow startled into flight could be the enemy. And every whispered word could be the verdict of your failure." He'd turned to Reth then, who was only seventeen at the time. "Don't ever underestimate the enemy's ability to put you off-balance before you begin. Keep yourself centered. Keep your people hopeful. Keep your advisors close. But most of all… don't fuck up."
Reth had snorted in laughter, but his father hadn't smiled. It wasn't a joke.
"That's the moment you'll know your true mettle as a leader, Reth. When you stand alone at the end of a long day and begin to understand the thousands of ways the decisions you made in those few hours might end in death for someone else. Do not underestimate the toll that will take on you…"
Reth groaned. He wasn't sure if he wanted his father there to help give him advice, or feared what his father would say—that he would declare Reth already a failure for being the one to have brought the Anima to this point.
He blew out a breath. "You were right, Dad," he whispered.
A male's fears were the worst enemy, twisting his mind and heart until he couldn't see straight for fear and yearned to simply leap into beast form and run to the hills. But the terrifying thing to Reth was that his fear for his mate outstripped even his fear for the Tree City.
What kind of ruler did that make him?
He slowly slipped into sleep asking himself that question over and over.
*****
Reth?
Reth are you there?
ELIA?!
His heart thumped painfully. "Elia?!"
She was there again. He couldn't see, but he could feel her warmth and as he reached across the furs, she scrambled towards him, her hands clawing at his arms in her haste to get him closer. But this time, instead of pulling him between her thighs, she wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him so hard he was almost suffocated.
Elia, love—
Please don't let me go.
I won't. I won't. My love, I will never let you go.
I'm so scared, Reth! She sobbed and he pulled her in tighter, if that were even possible, her hair falling over his face and filling his nose with her scent until his throat wanted to close with tears.
"What's happening. What's making you fear?" he whispered.
I can't see you. I can't hear you. I can't be near you. And this baby… it's growing, Reth. I don't know how, but I can feel her kicking already. That's impossible, but it's like a moth fluttering against the inside of my stomach. I've never felt that before. She's growing so fast. What if the war isn't over? How will I raise an Anima in this world—let alone give birth? What if the baby shifts? What if she's the wrong shape and…
What if I die, Reth. How will you get Elreth back to Anima?
"Ssshhhh, love, don't say that. We won't have to—"
"Reth this is real," she gasped and he gulped. She was fully there now. He could smell her, and hear her. "What if I die? How will they save Elreth without a doctor? How will you get her to Anima if there's a war? She can't live here."
"Gahrye is… he's still there to help you, right?" Reth said through his teeth, every fiber within him resisting the idea of another male putting his hands on her—on his cub. But he knew Gahrye cared for Elia and would do everything he could to save her—and Elreth.
"What if you die, Reth? I wouldn't even know. I would be waiting here forever. I'd never see you again, never touch you."
"You have me now, Love. I'm here. I'm here."
"How are we doing this? How am I reaching you?"
"I don't know, but I thank the Creator that you can."
"Reth, I miss you so much," she sobbed. He felt the wetness on his neck and almost sobbed himself.
"I miss you too, love," he whispered, squeezing her as hard as he dared.
"Hold me, Reth, please," she whispered, but her voice was already fading.
He gripped at her, pulling her in, desperately trying to keep her there and close. But her warmth was beginning to fade, her weight on the furs easing.
"I love you, Elia," he shoved the words out through gritted teeth, his voice husky and strained.
"I love you too, Reth," she cried.
And then she was gone. As suddenly as she'd arrived, she was gone.
Reth sat bolt upright in the bed, blinking into the dark that wasn't so dark anymore. He could make out the forms of the furniture, and the tiny haze of light peeking below the door. His heart thumped frantically.
Had it been a dream?
But then he felt a tickle at his neck and put his hand up…to find a tiny spot of wetness at his collarbone.
And it smelled like her.
Like a crazy man, he grabbed up the pillow from her side of the bed and inhaled.
Her scent was back. Returned to him.
He huffed the mating call, but knew there would be no answer.
So he slumped back down to the furs, clutching her pillow to his face, and praying. Praying. Praying.
Thank you for finding a way.
Now please… keep her safe. And Elreth, too. Keep them both safe until I can reach them.
****
(13 July 2021) Time to CELEBRATE #TeamReth: Tomorrow is this month's win-win mass release for BEAST, so you can look forward to FIVE chapters released between 4:30-7:30pm Pacific (Los Angeles time). ENJOY!
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