Chapter 299: Mind Games
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*****
RETH - Anima
Reth woke shuddering and shaking, the mating call still fading from his chest. For a moment he was confused. He sat up, pulling the furs apart, searching for her.
But all he found was her scent.
When he'd finally woken properly, understood that it was just a dream, that his body was only responding to his mind—that even her scent in his nostrils was something remembered—he groaned and sank back down into the furs, shivering.
Was he going mad? It felt real. It seemed like she was really there. But that was impossible. He leaned into her side of the furs, her pillow. Her scent was strong there, but it hadn't faded in the days since she'd left yet.
Then he realized he was laying the dark smelling his mate's pillow and he fisted the furs and threw them back, shoving out of the bed.
He spent two hard hours of training, ignoring the disapproving looks from the guards at the bathing pools. They could fucking deal with it. If he didn't hit something he was going to lose his mind.
But no matter how many thrusts, jabs, kicks, and blocks he practiced, he couldn't get the memories out of his head—could stop his body rising to look for her again. Couldn't make her scent leave his nose.
Fuck, he missed her. After two hours he crawled back down the ladder into the bathing pools, stripped off to let the water chill him to his bones, and ignored the guards looks.
He would go to breakfast and he would speak with Aymora and Brant. Try to figure out what the hell was going on in his head.
*****
They sat at the head table in a subdued market. Because there were families living there now, the meals were served only in the front half, before the stage, and in shifts. He'd called Brant and Aymora to join him and Behryn so the people could see them there, enjoying a meal and living their lives. Which is what he wanted his people to do. To keep living.
Please.
But it was difficult to keep up the pretense of any kind of ease.
"You look like you sat on a pricklepig," Brant said quietly from his right. "Do you need assistance to remove the spines from your ass?" Behryn, on his other side, snorted into his fruit.
Reth shot his best friend a look before softening his expression to regard Brant. "Very funny. I'm trying. It's been a tough few days."
"And they're going to get tougher before they get better, Reth. My advice would be to work on your game face now, before the entire city comes to believe we are on the verge of death."
"What my brother means," Aymora added from his left, "is that while you are here in front of the people, you should do your best to keep your spirits up, then you can be… unhappy with us, in private. Let us help you."
"I need your help now," Reth said, doing his best to keep his face straight. "I need you to look into the histories for me."
"For what?"
"Any time when a human became Anima," Reth said quietly.
Aymora choked on the barley she'd been spooning into her mouth while he spoke. Brant frowned.
"What?" Aymora spluttered when Reth didn't continue.
He handed her a glass of water. "I had a dream last night. A very real dream. And I wonder… I wonder if it wasn't entirely a dream. In it, Elia came to me and… she said she'd started shifting. Are there any records of an Anima pregnancy causing a human to shift?"
"None," Brant said firmly.
Aymora nodded her agreement. "I know I would have remembered that," she said softly. "I'm sorry, Reth. I'm sorry you had a disturbing dream. But I think it was just that. I think your mind is venting its frustrations over not knowing what has happened to her by tormenting you with the… possibilities."
He couldn't deny that that might be exactly what was happening. When his father died, he'd been tormented by nightmares for months.
But they hadn't felt like that dream.
They hadn't felt real.
And they hadn't felt good.
"Okay," Reth said slowly, still uncertain what to think. "So, I want you both to be really straight with me. I know we didn't want to scare Elia too much before she left. But you must have some ideas—even theories—about how bad this is. What can you tell me about… how she's going to cope. How much time we have. I know we told her six months, but… I feel like… maybe we need to be faster than that? What's the reality of this landscape. Just tell me."
Aymora glanced at Brant then turned to Reth. "I have to tell you that we differ a little on how we see this. I believe the pregnancy may make things worse for her, Brant believes it may improve her likelihood of staying sane. We are both speculating, Reth. We don't know. I'm just… I've treated many females while they're pregnant for a number of issues, and I have to say, pregnancy rarely seems to improve anyone's health. Especially mentally. But with that said, since we don't know what the actual cause of the insanity is, it is definitely possible that her pregnancy holds some kind of protection?"
Brant cleared his throat. "I believe the pregnancy might help her in two ways. I think it gives her a purpose, and every person I know is in a better mental state when they have something to focus on other than themselves. But… if the cause of the downward spiral is attached to something that the Anima don't lack, then having a pregnancy with an Anima baby may provide to her whatever it is we have that protects us from this."
Reth looked between them both. They'd clearly discussed this before. "So…"
"So, it might make it better, it might make it worse, and so far we haven't found anything that would point in either direction with certainty."
Reth sat back in his chair and rubbed his face. "No matter what we do… no matter where we look, it just never ends. I just… I just need to know! I need to know which risk is greater. In the dream she was… she was falling apart, and I'm terrified I've made the wrong choice."
Brant shook his head. "I don't believe you have, no matter which way the pregnancy tips her. The wolves are far less likely to go through after her than they are to make a concerted effort to take her here. And we've already seen that we have spies. As soon as you bring her back the wolves are going to know. Right now, your ignorance is their ignorance."
"But what if my ignorance is her death sentence? The bears will be there soon. If I don't get her now… we might not have a choice soon."
"I don't believe bringing her back now is the right idea, Reth," Aymora said. "And don't forget, that if things get dire, Gahrye will help her get back and with the Bears clearing the region hopefully if she is forced back, she can get to us before she meets with any danger."
"And then we deal with a complicated delivery."
Aymora put a hand to his shoulder. But she didn't deny it. "We're praying for both of them, all of them, Gahrye too," she murmured.
Reth nodded, but shrugged off her hand. He didn't want to lose the fading memories of Elia's hands on him.
He finished the meal in silence, and his friends let him.
*****
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