Chapter 291: Frustration
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GAHRYE
Two hours later, Gahrye pushed away from the table and sighed, raking his hands through his hair. He wanted to groan. He wanted to kick something. Hard.
They hadn't found anything. Not anything truly useful. Nothing that would even help figure out where else to look. Rubbing his face, he dropped his head back over the back of the chair and stifled a growl.
He'd definitely been spending too much time with predators lately.
It wasn't that he'd expected to find all the answers in two hours. It wasn't even that he'd expected to find any. It was that… that he felt so completely inadequate to this task. He just picked up books, had Kalle point him to possibly relevant chapters or passage and flipped through them.
Words were beginning to swim on the page because his brain was so overwhelmed, he worried he might miss something.
He wasn't the right Anima for this job, and it killed him. But what if it killed Elia too? Reth would never forgive him.
Sighing, he looked up to find Kalle sitting sideways in her chair next to him, staring, her eyes wide.
"What's wrong?" he asked quickly, immediately scenting the air, though despite the much better smell of these books, the room still stank to him.
"I was just reading on the mating cultures in the Anima and I just… I realized you were reflecting all that earlier and it got me thinking… I should have thanked you better about what you did with Dillon tonight. I mean, he wouldn't have hurt me, but he's remarkably persistent. Annoying. And it just occurred to me that you were… stepping into the gap. I should have said more. Thank you. Your… respect meant a lot to me."
Gahrye shrugged, but his heart thumped painfully. "I do respect you," he said. "But even if I didn't… no male should feel free to handle you like that. Unless you want him to." Then he met her eyes, and their gazes locked.
Kalle was staring. She bit her lower lip and he didn't think she realized she'd done it. He was suddenly grateful for the stiffness of the jeens as his body twitched in response to the desire that was beginning to thread through her scent.
What had just happened? Where had this come from?
"Gahrye, would you… answer some questions for me sometime? I mean, unrelated to all this," she said quietly, opening a hand towards the table.
Then she leaned one arm on the table and closer to him.
Gahrye's breath got faster, more shallow. He tried desperately to remember what Elia had told him—the things he didn't really want to listen to at the time, about how she and Reth got their signals confused because humans and Anima have different ways of signaling their desire to mate.
How human women were much more subtle than Anima.
What did it mean that she leaned closer, like that? That she put one hand in her hair?
What did it mean when she broke the gaze, but only to scan down his body?
He could smell her desire, but females often liked how he appeared—even desired to mate—but didn't give the signals. Because they didn't want to join with a disformed. They just liked how he looked.
One of the few times Gahrye had entertained a conversation about such things, he'd asked Elia how human males knew when human females wanted to mate if they didn't simply say so?
Elia had smiled. And talked about signals. But she'd acknowledged there was often a time of uncertainty for both parties.
"Just ask. If you're ever in that situation and you aren't sure, just ask. Most women will appreciate the chivalry of it. But even if they don't, they at least will appreciate that you aren't just leaping on them and pawing at them, unwanted."
So, uncertain what else to do, he leaned towards Kalle, elbow on the table also, and silently cheering when she didn't move away.
"Kalle?"
"Yes?"
"I've heard about the differences between human and Anima from Elia. She's been very generous in telling me about this world."
"Oh? Why?"
"Because she said she hoped I got to come here some day. She hoped I would find a female."
Kalle blinked. "Your Anima females don't appreciate you?"
He shook his head. "I'm disformed."
"So?" She seemed truly confused. "You're Anima, aren't you?"
It was a stunning reflection of how he'd always seen himself, and wished to be seen. Just another Anima, who cared if he could shift? But to hear it come out of her full lips was like dropping into the hot pools on a cold day. His entire body prickled in response.
"Yes," he breathed.
Her eyes were slightly wide. And that feeling, that sense of a tugging towards her from the center of his chest started again.
Gahrye swallowed. "Can you feel that?" he whispered.
She nodded, her eyes never leaving his. "What is it?"
Gahrye sucked in. "Kalle, do you… would you like it if I kissed you?"
"I think I'd like that a lot," she breathed.
There was a moment where it hit him, he was about to touch his mate, about to kiss her, be close to her and his mind reeled. But he leaned forward slowly, measuring her eyes that only followed his. She leaned into too as he got closer, and his lips tingled with anticipation.
When he looked down at her mouth, she licked her lips, and the sight shot straight to his groin. Then he raised a hand he prayed she wouldn't see was shaking, and cupped her face in his palm, his fingers sliding under her ear, and into her hair.
"Are you certain?" he breathed, still staring at her lips.
She nodded.
He leaned closer until her breath fluttered against his lips and he had to stifle the call. He swallowed convulsively. "Kalle, I—"
But she closed the distance between them and laid her mouth on his, and Gahrye's entire skin was suddenly alight.
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