Chapter 257: Just Not Mine
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GAHRYE – Human world
His head buzzed. He could barely think. The mating call rose in his throat and he swallowed it back, his hands shaking.
It was impossible. It couldn't be. And yet, there she was. And she smiled at him and… he could smell her. It was definitely her scent. The scent the voices had given him: Jasmine and sugar, and something soft that he'd never scented before. How could it be? They were liars. They had to be…
She'd already been breathless when she arrived, but when she looked at him… her pulse sped up and her pupils dilated.
She liked him. When she looked at him, she wanted him.
This was impossible.
Gahrye tore his gaze away from her and forced himself to look at the soft, ridiculous little man that ran this place, but within seconds his eyes were back on her.
She stood on profile to him, facing Shaw. He started with her hair, inhaling her scent to cement it in his mind as his gaze slid down her glossy, dark hair that hung just above her shoulders, down her back that was draped in a long sweater, his body prickling at the sight of her legs, every curve revealed because of the close cut of the leggings she wore.
He imagined stroking his fingers down the back of her thigh, cupping his hand at the back of her knee and—
"Gahrye?"
He blinked and forced himself to look at Shaw again. What had the man said? "I'm sorry, I was… distracted. What did you ask me?"
"Would you like to carry the tray you requested up to Elia yourself, or should I send someone up with it?"
The reminder of his purpose here hit him like a bucket of mountain-fed river water. "I'll take it," he said, swallowing.
His vow. His goal.
His heart sang with the mating call, but he wouldn't—couldn't—let himself be drawn away from his true purpose in this world.
There would be no mating if he was dead at Reth's hand, he reminded himself.
He raised a shaking hand to push back his hair, to distract himself from the tearing pull in his chest at that thought, and Kalle's eyes traced the lines of his arm.
He almost did it again, just to watch her watching him. But Shaw was speaking again and he needed to pay attention.
Which he would do.
In just a moment.
After he imagined licking his way up her calf—
"—if she's as exhausted as you say, it might be unwise to wake her. Even for food. The spirits in the traverse can be very demanding. If she almost gave over she might need to time to overcome the wasting."
"Wasting?" Gahrye said urgently, blinking away the images in his mind. "What wasting?"
Shaw lost that twinkling, childlike excitement he'd had since they arrived and Gahrye's eyes narrowed as the man seemed to suddenly… strengthen.
This one needed watching.
"I told you earlier, we have reason to believe the voices you heard belong to spirits that have at least some measure of power in this world. Many, many of their predictions come true. And, for the humans at least, there seems to be some link between how closely they spoke or had influence during the traverse, and the struggles the human has in this world."
"I thought the humans who came back here all died or went insane?"
Shaw's lips thinned. "Yes. And we believe that their fate is directly linked to exactly how deeply they interacted with the spirits in the traverse on their way back."
"Only their way back here? What about when they go over to Anima in the first place? Why aren't they affected then?"
Shaw frowns. "Because they're all unconscious. They get carried through. They aren't even aware of being there. From what we gather, whatever state a person enters the traverse, they maintain that until they exit. And if a person is unconscious and unable to hear the spirits, they can cross untouched."
Gahrye gaped. "Then why would anyone walk it? Why not just bring them back that way?"
Shaw tilted his head. "Because they have to be carried. Who would you trust to carry you, Gahrye, knowing that if they fail, you stay there forever asleep? Or… who would you carry? How many? Would you want to walk it again? Over and over again? To bring others through? It gets harder each time, you know. That's why so few cross more than once."
Gahrye blinked. Harder? It was going to be harder next time?
"You speak as if you've been through it. Have you?"
"Oh, no! Guardians can't cross," Shaw chuckled.
"Why not?"
"Because Guardians are blood-bound to protect the Anima from human invaders. We must remain here. If I were to step into the traverse, the voices would have permission to take me. I would never make it to Anima. At least, not in my current form. Not in my own mind."
Gahrye's breath stopped. No. It couldn't be.
"You're saying that the Guardians—"
"We can never leave this world," Shaw said wistfully. "I'll admit, there have been days I wished there was a way to be freed from the vow. As I age, and the younger generation take over," he glanced affectionately at Kalle and Gahrye's stomach dropped, "I so wish I could experience Anima. Be able to see what I have protected with my life. But the Creator will bless us for our faithfulness, I know that," he said earnestly. "That will be enough."
Gahrye's voice was faint when he spoke. "But… you said if humans were knocked out when they crossed, the spirits couldn't touch them."
Shaw nodded. "That's true of normal humans. But we Guardians vow to the Creator directly. It is His protection that keeps us safe from the spirits. If we break that vow… well, Kalle will tell you if it interests you. There was a Guardian who tried to cross once." Shaw shuddered. "We tell that story to the young ones before they vow so they understand exactly what they're committing to. We can't have that happening again."
In the same breath, his eyes snapped to Kalle, and hers to him and he felt the shift. Though she didn't move, he felt her pull away from him within herself. He read the winds of her and it was like a warm summer breeze had arrived and washed around him, but now, suddenly, it shifted, chilling as it blew away from him.
She'd been distracted before, working on instinct. But now she'd been reminded and…
No.
NO.
Gahrye trembled with the sudden desire to scream the word.
He had to look away, from Shaw, from Kalle's wide, liquid eyes, still fixed on him. He had to drop his head for a moment, claw his hands through his hair and force himself to control. Because surely, surely the Creator hadn't done this to him? Hadn't set him up only for this… betrayal?
Surely he hadn't just discovered his mate, his True Heart's Call, only to learn that she could never be with him? That his vow to protect the Queen, to return her to the King, at risk of his own life, to remain at her side always as her Cohort… that the very best and truest vow he'd ever offered, would be the very vehicle to take him away from the only female who would ever complete his heart? Surely the Creator wasn't asking him to give up the one thing in this world—in any world—he'd ever truly yearned for, for the sake of… duty?
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