Chapter 143: The Worst Night
RETH
He had had to run. If he hadn't run, he would have gone back and she would have pulled him back in, and he would have let it go. And he couldn't. He couldn't. For her sake, he couldn't. For his own sake. For the people.
So, he ran. At some point he shifted into beast form again and hunted, just to get out of his own screaming head. But it didn't last long.
When he was back in himself, he sighed, and turned back towards the cave. But he didn't run anymore.
Using every skill he had, he crept into the cave and locked the door silently. Then crept into the bedroom where she had left the door open, probably because she wanted to hear him return.
As soon as he stepped inside, his chest ached. She had shed so many tears into her pillow that went he entered, he could smell them. The ache became a spear to his chest. His heart thumped painfully.
Then he saw her.
He stood for many minutes, staring at her, curled up on the lower sleeping platform—not in their shared bed—curled up like a child in her sleep. He could see her pale skin, the soft way her chest rose and fell. The way her hair scattered over the pillow like a golden cloud. She'd been angry he treated her like she was breakable, but she was.
So breakable.
So easily wounded.
So difficult to heal.
So terrifyingly easy to lose.
How could he just let her out there, knowing the wolves were still not trustworthy? Knowing that the people, if she were taken, would all be at risk? She wanted him to simply let her die? Impossible.
His anger began to simmer again and he shook his head. He needed to rest. There were meetings tomorrow. Decisions to be made. Consequences—for her actions!—to deal with.
She just didn't realize. But now… he couldn't excuse it anymore. He had to be strong. He had to make her understand. He had to bear the pain of this separation, this wound between them now, to avoid a larger, more deadly one in the future.
She had to know.
But how to make her understand?
He almost groaned, but he didn't want to wake her, so he swallowed it down, stripped, letting his clothes drop where he stood, then crawled into the furs of the main sleep platform.
Alone.
He hadn't noticed how cold the cave was getting at night. Soon it would be time to light the fires in the evening. Something he'd been so excited to do.
The sheepskin rug on the floor in the front of the fire, with the Great room locked… that was on his list. And he'd been so looking forward to describing to her what he wanted. Watching her eyes light up.
He sighed and turned over, put his back to her so he wouldn't see the lump she made under the furs on the lower platform.
But of course, that did nothing to remove her scent from the air.
She was everywhere here.
He didn't know how long he lay there, trying ot relax. Trying so desperately to get his mind to calm, and his heart. But it was no use. He stared at the cave wall, frantic, and seething.
Then a rustling came from behind him. "Reth? Are you there?"
"Yes, love, go back to sleep. It's very late."
"I… Reth, I…" She hesitated and he closed his eyes and prayed. Please let her promise. Let her have seen the error and give him her word that she would stay under guard for as long as he deemed it necessary.
The rustling grew louder, then the furs moved behind him as she crawled into the furs with him. Something in his chest eased when her soft warmth slid up behind him and she put an arm around his waist, and her face at the nape of his neck.
"Reth," she whispered. "It was horrible going to bed without you."
"I know, love. I didn't like it either."
"Reth…" she kissed the space between his shoulder blades and he tensed.
"Elia," he sighed.
"Please, Reth. No matter what… I need to know that you're still… that we're still together. Please?"
She plastered herself to his back, kissing him and letting her hand slide around from his hip to the part of him that was not angry. Not at all. The part of him that very much wanted her to kiss, and press her breasts to his back like that.
"Can you promise me, Elia?" he whispered into the dark.
She stroked him once, twice, and his breath ratcheted up. He swallowed, still praying.
"No," she whispered, "but—"
He caught her wrist and stopped her from reaching, or stroking, or anything. "Then go to sleep, love. We'll discuss it tomorrow."
"Reth, please!"
"No."
He slowly, slowly pushed her hand back around to rest on her own stomach, then took his back and pulled his knees up. He didn't think she'd try a sneak attack during his sleep, but just in case… She was insatiable. Something he usually adored about her.
The hardest part, though, wasn't forcing her not to touch him, or feeling her roll away. It wasn't losing her warmth at his back, or her silence that he'd asked for.
The hardest part was feeling her shake. Hearing the tiny sounds she made when she cried and was trying not to.
Like her very heart was breaking in two.
And the only thing that kept him strong was knowing how much more fierce those tears would be if she was taken by their enemies. Or he was, in exchange for her.
He clenched his hands to fists and shoved them between his knees, forcing himself not to reach for her, not to comfort her. It went against every fiber within him.
Then again, so did her complete disregard for her own safety.
He couldn't be a party to it. He simply couldn't.
Updated from fr𝒆ewebnov𝒆l.(c)om