Chapter 128: Show, Don't Tell
ELIA
"Tell me what to do, Gahrye," she said worriedly. "I don't want to make it worse for him."
"Do you understand that he needs to be dominant?"
"Yes! I just wish… I wish he could achieve that without humiliating people."
"He isn't—"
"I know, I know. I get that you don't feel that way. So I'll… adjust. I got that part. What I want to know now is what do I do to make it clear to people that I'm behind him. That I support him? I never meant to make anyone think otherwise. I mean, is there some Anima tradition, or gesture, or something that I can do that people will recognize?"
"You could bare your throat to him," Gahrye said, then immediately chuckled. "I'm joking."
"I already do that whenever—"
Gahrye threw his arms up. "I don't need to know! Truly. That's… that's between you two."
"No, I need to understand. He told me not to bare my throat to him in public, but I thought that was about him getting… excited."
"I'm sure it was," Gahrye said, his face suddenly dark.
"So when you joked—"
"It was a joke, Elia, ignore me. I'm trying to think… I mean, I really do think you just need to let people see you stand behind him. Publicly, at least. I mean, I know the Lionesses challenge him all the time. But they don't do it with an audience, do you know what I mean?"
"Ugh, yes."
"So… when he's got people around, just go along with him. Whatever he's doing. If you need to challenge him, do it later, when you're alone, or there's just intimates around. When the people are watching, make sure they know you're behind him."
Elia sighed. "I will. But… you really can't think of anything I could do in front of them that would make them understand? I feel like I need to make up for creating the question in the first place."
"Reth isn't worried about it, Elia. Only the people are. And they'll get past it when they see you following him."
"Following?"
"Yes. The dominant always leads."
Elia frowned. She wasn't sure about following. She was just supportive. Then she groaned at her own thoughts. "I have to stop thinking the way I think. But how do I even do that? This throat thing—is there—"
Gahrye stopped walking and put his face in his hands. "Okay, Elia, can you just… stop talking about that. Please?"
"Okay, but why? Is it a bad thing to say?"
"No, it's just… very intimate. And I don't really want the mental images. The only people I've ever seen do that publicly are some of the longest mates in our people, and… it's considered inappropriate for the young to see."
"Seriously? Your throat?"
"It's the single most vulnerable spot on your body. Baring that to the wrong person is certain death. So offering that to an Anima… it's incredibly revealing. Like… like being naked would feel to you. In public."
Elia shuddered.
"See?" Gahrye said. "That's how I feel. So can we change the subject now?"
"I guess," Elia said, half-tempted to say it again just to watch him recoil, but then she realized… he looked genuinely disturbed. "I thought the Anima weren't weird about sex, or mating or whatever? I thought you guys didn't mind that stuff being all out there and public."
"This isn't about mating, Elia," Gahrye said, beginning to walk again, his expression flat and dark.
"What is it, Gahrye? I'm sorry. I was half teasing. I just… what's wrong? Why are you upset?"
"I'm not upset. I'm just… jealous."
Elia pulled her head back. "Wait… what?"
"I told you, the chances I'll ever find a mate at all—let alone a woman that would trust me like that… it's just… very unlikely. And when you talk about that, like it's no big deal—" He stopped again and whirled on her. "You should be very, very thankful that you found Reth the way you did. He adores you—he's facing down his entire Kingdom for you, Elia. I know you don't mean for it to be, but right now, you make his job harder, do you realize that?"
It hit her like a blow to the stomach. "I think I'm starting to," she said in a small voice. "That's why I want to do something. Some kind of gesture. To make up for it."
"If you want to do something for Reth, be as protective of him as he is of you."
Her mouth dropped open as she scanned back through her memories in Anima and realized... "You're right!" she said.
"I know I am."
"No, I mean it, Gahrye. That's exactly the kind of thing I need to be thinking. Whenever I've been possessive of him, everyone's always backed off and… I see it now. I get it! Okay, I can do this."
She looked back the way they'd come, wanting to go find him and start barking at females to back off of him, right away. But she knew that wasn't how it was going to work.
Gahrye just shook his head with a wry smile. "You're… weird," he said with a low laugh.
"Takes one to know one," she said with a grin. "Which reminds me—your friends that you were with? Are they all disformed?"
"Yes," he said. "In one way or another."
"There's more than one way?"
"The most common way is to be like me—unable to shift. It makes people distrust us because they think either that we aren't true Anima, or if they need people who can shift to do a certain job, we just aren't suitable. But there are also some other… issues. And no matter which an Anima suffers, the others will always be a little uneasy around them."
"Like what?"
"It's not really my place to say," he said quietly, looking off into the trees.
"Can I meet them? Get to know them? Let them know I don't judge them that way? That their Queen is supportive of them? Just because I'm not going to make a fuss over them in public doesn't mean I don't want to help."
"I don't think you can help, Elia. Truly. I think your focus should be Reth right now and… who knows, later, down the line when—"
"But I want to!"
Gahrye ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. "The problem is, you're kind of on the outsider yourself right now. So, if you were seen with them… it probably wouldn't have the affect you'd think it would have."
"But I'm Queen! Isn't that worth something?"
"Of course. Appointing me was very brave, Elia. But that's a count against you in the people's eyes right now. They need to see you as strong and supporting Reth's strength before they'll look to you for leadership. They want someone who can fight for them on some level. And until the people see you that way, you can only draw negative attention to my friends."
Elia groaned again. "I'm so sick of feeling so far outside it all. Like I'm just never quite there. Is that how you feel, Gahrye? Is that what it's like?"
"That's part of it, definitely," he said quietly, looking away from her into the trees again.
"I need to get stronger—in a way people can see," Elia muttered. "How do I become a fighter in this place, though? You're all so much stronger than me."
Gahrye thought about it. "You could train."
"Where? Would they even train me?"
"Probably not. But they didn't train us either—at least, not on purpose."
Elia looked at him from the side. "What do you mean, not on purpose?"
Gahrye grinned and Elia wanted to sigh. He was such a handsome guy, and a beautiful soul. She wished she saw him smile more. "Do you want to see?" he asked, his voice suddenly the quick, wicked cheek of a mischievous boy.
Elia grinned back. "Yes, absolutely."
So he led her, cutting through the trees to another path that wound around the side of the mountain, then up a foothill surrounded by trees and undergrowth.
She was so unaccustomed to sneaking anywhere, he kept hissing at her to be quiet. And ended up giving her a quick lesson in how to be silent in the forest, showing her how to place her feet and shift her weight in ways that would keep her balanced, but not make extra noise.
It took them forty minutes, but finally, Gahrye motioned for her to follow him, slowly, slowly, to crouch behind a huge boulder buried half in the ground.
Elia could hear shouts and thumps. And when Gahrye pointed to the point where Elia could see through a massive crack in the rock, to the clearing on the other side, she almost gasped and had to cover her mouth.
There, in plain sight, were a dozen or more young Anima—teenagers, Elia thought. Mainly equines, but there was a scattering of the others.
And they were learning combat.
Elia turned to Gahrye with sparkling eyes, and he nodded. "You'd be amazed what you can learn just by watching," he whispered in her ear.
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