Chapter 104: A New Plan
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ELIA
She'd tried to go to the room and just sit. To just accept that the day hadn't been what she'd hoped it would be and that sucked, but it wasn't the end of the world. But the words of that man—a wolf, she was pretty sure—kept echoing in her head.
A Queen that cannot be bested by a ten-year-old… who doesn't create a social shit-show every time she opens her mouth… who could offer something to the strength of the people… A Queen that cannot be bested by a ten-year-old… who doesn't create a social shit-show every time she opens her mouth… who could offer something to the strength of the people…
Elia screwed her face up hard and breathed through her teeth. She wouldn't cry because a bully had been throwing darts. She wouldn't.
But Reth's face—the way he'd winced… that, Elia realized, was what hurt so badly.
She knew the wolves were trouble, and didn't like her. It was seeing that the accusations hit home for Reth that had her undone.
Did that mean he agreed with them? Or only that he knew others did? Was she to blame for all the problems with the wolves, or would they have targeted anyone that wasn't a wolf?
Was Reth going to regret mating her?
That thought, the aching hollow it opened in her chest, broke her and she sobbed. She shook her head and pinned her lips together, but she couldn't stop the grief that washed over her when she thought about losing Reth, or worse, becoming a burden to him and him just putting up with it because he was so… nice.
She didn't want him nice. She wanted him happy.
Somehow. Somehow she had to figure out how to… how had the man put it? Offer something to the strength of the people. She had to. And she would. She would discard this clearly hopeless cause of publicly championing the weak. If all it was going to do was cause more division, then it wouldn't achieve what she'd hoped anyway. Besides, she had to be seen as strong herself before she could help others.
So, even through it was through tears, she gritted her teeth and vowed: She would remain Queen. She would get stronger—both physically, and in the eyes of the people. And meanwhile, she would help the disformed and ostracized people privately. And once she was accepted and her power was strong—and Reth wasn't being undermined by her—she would find a way to champion them to the others.
But that meant she had to find something to do, a way to bring strength to the people in the meantime.
She took a deep breath and wiped her face, squeezing back the last of her tears and blinking to keep them away. She kept breathing deep and muttering the plan to herself. She'd talk to Reth when he got done and they'd figure it out—what she could do to make herself less weak. And then she'd make these people see that weakness came in a lot of forms. And they were not without their own!
She heard the door slide open and turned to find Reth standing there, his face sad and worried. She blinked. She knew she looked like she'd been crying, but she raised her chin and met his eyes. "Something has to change, Reth," she said calmly. "I want to be with you, and I want to be happy here. And I want you to be happy with me here. So… something has to change."
"Elia, I am so happy that you're here."
"It won't stay that way if that's the way people see me."
Reth turned and closed the door behind him, then walked carefully over to sit next to her on the sleeping platform.
When he slid an arm around her waist and leaned in to kiss her hair, pulling her into his arms, she almost went. She almost let herself fall into his strong chest and just give in to the tears. But that was the problem, wasn't it? She kept letting him be the strong one, when really… she was the problem.
"No," she said sharply when he tried to pull her into his chest, and she straightened, bracing a hand on his broad thigh. "I can't keep letting you protect me. Because they don't respect that."
"Elia, every one of the people who's criticized you has had to be supported and helped by their mates or their families at some point. They've just… conveniently forgotten that fact," he growled.
She shook her head. "Not like this. I get it—I mean, I don't, but I'm starting to understand that I seem like a child to them. No adult wants to be forced to follow a child. So, I need to stop acting like a child with you.
"Trust me, you don't," he said, his eyes hot. He flashed her a wicked grin.
She snorted despite the tears and put a hand to his face. "You know that isn't what I meant."
"I know, but… don't let Lucan make you doubt yourself, Elia. The Anima need what you have—who you are. That's why I chose you. If I'd really thought you were just weak and pathetic, I would have made the right choice for my people, no matter how it hurt me. But I knew—I know—you are what we need here. You have different strengths. Strengths we need to develop in Anima."
"Then I need to find a way to make them see me."
"that's what I'm trying to do!"
"No, me, Reth." She met his warm, brown eyes and smiled. "I need to be the one to make sure they can see me, and respect me, and… want to listen. If we get to that place, I'll be able to do anything as Queen because I'll have won them over. Until we get there, it won't matter what I do. They won't see it as anything but the playings of a child."
He put his hand over hers. "I'm sorry that you got dragged into this," he said in a low voice.
"I'm not," she said, sniffing and leaning in. "But I am going to need you to keep giving me these pep talks when we're alone. Lots of support. Lots of one-on-one time, so I can draw from your strength when I'm scared or lonely."
"Or horny," he whispered. "Also then."
She laughed and kissed him. "Yes, that too."
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