Chapter 37: I Love Panties!
The last time I saw my foster father’s face, he had a magnificent ahegao.
VROOOOOM!
Karasuma sped our motorcycle through the evening streets of Shinonome.
Our speed was already close to a hundred kilometers per hour. Karasuma was furiously overtaking cars in the two-lane road by going around them using the opposite lane, trying to maintain distance from the intimidating aura that loomed behind us.
I set my phone to hands-free mode and continued my earlier conversation with Soya while keeping an eye on the situation behind me.
"You’ve heard about the ‘Vanishing Underwear Incident’ which affected the entire Kanto area, right?"
"Didn’t that happen two years ago…? Japan’s first vengeful ghost incident involving a seventh-ranked spirit to happen in decades… right?"
The Kanto Area Vanishing Underwear Incident.
Two years ago, the panties of around seven million women between the ages of 16 and 40 living in the Kanto metropolitan area disappeared regardless of physical barriers or protective wards. It was an absolutely bizarre incident.
"The Twelve Heavenly Masters who participated in the battle at the time didn’t reveal the details of what happened so a lot of false rumors circulated about the incident, right? Things like how the incident was, in fact, a proxy war between the clan of gods and the demon race, or how it was a technique amplification weapon that the Society was secretly researching going haywire… or how it wasn’t actually the Twelve Heavenly Masters who resolved the incident, but an unrelated child."
"Unrelated my ass."
I harrumphed dismissively.
"After all, the vengeful ghost that caused the incident was my foster father."
The Gospel House.
That was the name of the orphanage my foster father ran.
They prioritized accepting children who lost their families to spiritual disasters and I had grown up in that house for as long as I could remember.
My foster father was a splendid exorcist.
Although he didn’t want to be promoted to being one of the Twelve Heavenly Masters because he didn’t want to become tied up with obligations, he was one of the best exorcists in the nation. Whenever there was an incident, whether it was a national-level matter or the problem of an individual with no money, he helped out as if it were only natural to do so and often took time out from his work to play with us.
I wasn’t sure if it was because of his skills as an exorcist or his personality, but he often received requests directly from Kaede’s grandmother who was the current president of the Exorcist Society. The reason why Kaede and I had known each other for so long was because of this connection.
He worked his job diligently and vigorously and used most of his salary from the Society for the orphanage. I had never seen my foster father indulge in any kind of entertainment.
It was like he was born to be a priest, my foster faster.
Naturally, I loved my foster father, and even as a child, I dreamed of becoming an exorcist like him. Even if I couldn’t become as strong as him, I wanted to become an exorcist who could do his best for everyone.
But it turned out that my foster father hadn’t been born to be a priest.
For decades and decades, he had just been trying to be what he considered a priest, forcing a lid on his abnormal desire for panties.
However, that superhuman determination could only be maintained for as long as he remained alive.
Shortly after he passed away after years of hard work, my foster father almost instantaneously turned into an evil spirit who wanted nothing other than panties.
Even the shotacon onee-san who attacked me at the ascension support center had taken a few days to turn into an evil spirit.
I was flabbergasted. The other kids who grew up with me in the Gospel House were also flabbergasted. And all the nurses at his hospital lost their panties.
When we saw the spirit of our foster father flying out of his hospital room shouting, "I LOVE PANTIEEESSSS!", our tears for him receded. When we heard the news that all panties had disappeared from the entire Kanto region, we all wore solemn faces.
When I arrived at the scene with the help of various people, what I saw was my foster father reigning at the top of the mountain of panties he had collected. He was a disgraceful sight as he shouted out his unrequited love for panties, which was embarrassing for me to listen to, while fighting with the Twelve Heavenly Masters on more than equal terms.
At that time, I felt strongly:
I don’t want to ever end up like that…
"So, well. With the help of Kaede’s grandmother and some other people, I exorcised my foster father. As long as I can strike their pleasure points, these hands are capable of exorcising even something of that level."
I gave Soya a summary of what happened in the incident two years ago and how my foster father had been involved.
"Kaede–I mean, Kuzunoha-senpai also knows about this, so you can confirm it with her if you want."
"…I see."
Perhaps it was because I told her about how I felt about my foster father or because I had even taken out Kaede’s name for support, but Soya seemed to accept my story easily. In a complete change from just a moment earlier, she regained her usual cheerful tone,
"Yes, I believe in your ability, Furuya-kun. I’ll do my best to persuade the emergency team! I’ll make full use of my demon eyes and my family’s connections!"
"Please."
"Of course! …but are you okay with it, Furuya-kun?"
"Hm? With what?"
Soya’s voice suddenly sounded anxious again so I tilted my head in puzzlement.
"If this plan works, a lot of people will find out about your ability, right…? Don’t you hate that kind of thing?"
So that was what she had been asking about. I sighed in my mind.
"Of course I hate it. I’m getting a headache over what I should do if my ability gets revealed."
However, when I was about to continue–
"GYAAAAAAAH!? She’s closer than before!?"
Karasuma shouted and we lurched sideways as she frantically twisted the handlebars of the motorcycle.
The next moment, a shadow fell from a building diagonally in front of us and–
BOOOOOOOOOM!!!
As if hit by a missile, shattered pieces of the asphalt road blew up into the air. If Karasuma hadn’t dodged that as quickly as she had, we would’ve been crushed as flat as the boob ripping woman’s chest.
"Big boobs, found."
The boob ripping woman stood up from the cloud of dust and immediately resumed her fierce pursuit, hot on our heels.
"Shit! How did she get here so quickly! Did she take a shortcut or something!? I guess this is what happens when a local from the city turns into a monster… sorry Soya! The boob ripping woman is gaining on us so I’m going to hang up now! I’m leaving the preparations we need to intercept her up to you!"
"Ah…n, no problem! Be careful, both of you!"
I ended the call and turned around to look at the boob ripping woman behind me.
"YOUR BOOBS, LET ME RIP THEEEEEEM!"
The boob ripping woman roared and steadily closed in on our motorcycle that should have been going at a considerably high speed.
The next moment–
"Shit! Karasuma! Turn to the left!"
"Hiiiiii–!?"
DOGOOOOOON!!
The boob ripping woman leaped off the ground and smashed her fist into the asphalt just to the right of us. If Karasuma hadn’t heard me and swerved in time, we would have been smashed to smithereens.
The boob ripping woman quickly recovered as she wobbled to her feet, rushed through the road with superhuman acceleration, then leaped into the air at us once again.
"Left! Then right! Don’t you dare relax for even a moment, Karasuma!"
"UWAAAAH! Why did I end up in this situation!"
Even as she screamed, Karasuma pounded the accelerator, causing our motorcycle to speed up even more with a VROOOOOOOM!
For fuck’s sake, that was supposed to be my line Karasuma.
Despite having to suffer this deadly situation, the only reward that awaited me if I survived was the worst reward I could ever receive–having to reveal my climax exorcism to everyone. I couldn’t help feeling the urge to just throw in the towel here and run away on my own.
Thinking of the trouble and embarrassment I was going to face after my ability became discovered, I felt severely depressed.
However, since things had already come to this, I had no choice but to do it.
So that one day I wouldn’t end up regretting the things I hadn’t done. So that I could avoid following in the footsteps of my idiot of a foster father who had obstinately persisted in his ideal image of an upright person until death, never seeking out panties even once his entire life. He had ultimately set a bad example by leaving behind lingering regrets that he couldn’t control after his death.
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