"Is this because he rejected you? You liked him at some point, didn't you?"
"Honestly, I only found him attractive because I thought he resembled Yuhi. I think Atsuro knew that, too, so he turned me down. It's been awkward since then since I know he wanted to say yes. But he discarded his feelings just so I wouldn't make the wrong decision and have regrets. He is a good guy."
"So you avoid him because-"
"Because it's hard for me to face him. Every time we speak, I can see his love for me, and that irritates me. How can he still have so much love for such a selfish woman?"
"I don't think Atsuro thinks you are selfish," Shin mumbled. "He may act overbearing and controlling, but he has always had your best interests at heart. Moreover, I think he blames himself for what happened between you two."
"You're very kind, aren't you, Shin?"
Shin blinked, and Sumire laughed. "You don't have to act so surprised."
"It's just- how does that relate to what topic we were discussing?"
"It relates because I can see how much you care for Atsuro."
Shin averted his gaze. "Although things have been awkward, yes, I do still see him as a friend."
"Hmm, is it awkward between you two because you like me?"
At those words, his cheeks coloured, and Shin finally realized how close Sumire was standing.
Sumire was glancing over at him and laughed again. "You're too self-conscious. I won't bite."
"If-if you did, that wouldn't be right."
Sumire's gaze softened. "You know, I've been waiting for the right time to apologize to you."
"Apologize?"
"About the way I handled your feelings towards me."
Shin briefly recalled what happened last year when they learned that Kuruga Asahi died.
"You don't have to apologize for that. You had a lot going on."
Because she did, Sumire was still grieving for Tsueno, and then Kuruga suddenly died. Naturally, that was not the best time to confess. But seeing her so broken, those words naturally came out.
"It was wrong of me to dismiss you like that." Sumire paused. "I have had a lot of time to think, and I'm sorry that I can't return your feelings, Shin."
A rejection, a proper rejection. A year later.
He already knew how she felt even without her properly turning him down. But, perhaps a part of him had a small glimmer of hope that she may have changed her mind.
"You're a good guy, and there is no doubt that anybody who falls in love with you will be lucky. But unfortunately, I cannot be that girl. I truly appreciate that you have never tried to overstep your boundaries and respected and treated me like a good friend. But, the two of us cannot be together that way."
Shin slumped to the ground, and Sumire crouched beside him.
"Is my wording still too strong?"
At her concerned tone, Shin shakes his head. The way she is wording this rejection is far too kind. He doesn't deserve such kindness.
"I should have told you about what Tsueno was planning, about everything else. I knew from the very start, had I told you-"
Sumire paused and shook her head. "Is that why you think you don't deserve me? Because you kept secrets from me?"
Shin doesn't say anything, and Sumire must have taken his silence as a yes.
"For somebody so smart, you act like an idiot sometimes." Sumire shakes her head. "Listen up, Shin. It's not like I am rejecting you because you don't deserve me or whatever. I'm not that great of a person anyway. So, I have no right to decide who deserves me and who doesn't. As for those secrets you kept from me? That is normal. Even people who are really close to each other aren't one hundred percent truthful to one another."
Shin still didn't respond, but he was still listening to her.
"So don't blame yourself for that. Sometimes lies are needed to protect others from getting hurt. With your personality, I knew you kept it a secret to avoid me getting hurt."
"In the end, I caused you more pain."
"That may be the case, but that shouldn't be the reason why you don't think you deserve me. You do deserve me, Shin. But I'm so selfish. The reason we won't work is because of this selfishness. From the very moment, I met Yuhi, I have only ever wanted him. I may have fallen in love with Ru and Toh along the way. I may have had other relationships. But, in the end, my heart would always go back to Yuhi. It's so selfish of me when I know how much you and the others like me." Sumire laughed weakly. "I really am being cruel."
That's not true at all. It must have taken her a lot of courage to say this to him. For the past few days, it felt like she wanted to say something to him. This was the reason why she looked so troubled.
Shin extended his hand out and patted her head again. "Thank you."
Eventually, the two of them stood up. Sumire said she would return to the practice room, and he said he would be there soon. The moment Sumire disappeared, he sighed deeply. That caught him off guard. He didn't think she would talk about that.
__________
'I want to understand him. Someone told me that doing that is fine, but someone also told me to lay down the boundaries.
Sumire recalls the words she said to old man Nobucha. She had heard two pieces of advice, and in the end, the one she felt herself more drawn to was the understanding of him factor. Although it really should have been the other one.
After all, those words were from her fiance. Soujiro hadn't known she was a Yankee then, but he had often seen her with Yuhi upon seeing them together all the time and discussing rather serious matters.
Soujiro told her directly not to get too involved. He told her, 'That man's a mere dog. Even if you have to concern yourself with him, please draw a line and show your social statuses are different.'
Old Man Nobucha had told her something similar to, 'An elite is elite. A dog is a dog. A relationship where that's made clear is probably better for you'. But although he said that, Sumire saw the look in his eyes and understood that he was trying to convey a different message.
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