Chapter 1049 This is me Part 25
SUMIRE
"Then I found it, something that would lead back to Lucifer and your actual location."
"But, according to my memories. I wasn't found until Toh directly confronted Lucifer."
"I didn't tell anyone. I waited until Mashima-san confirmed it. When I gave him the emblem, he was really angry at me saying they wasted a lot of time. However, Mamoru-san stepped in and argued on my behalf." Mikaze trailed off. "The reason, I didn't say anything. It's not because I didn't want to get you, it's because I understood that you wanted to run away, that you wanted to hide for a while."
Sumire exhales deeply. But she knew she couldn't hide it. There is a reason why the guys in nanairofeather are her amongst her closest friends. The eight of them reached a deep understanding after composing so many songs together.
"You were in pain. I couldn't understand why at first. You're finally able to be with the one you love, so why did you have such eyes?"
".."
"But after I thought that it clicked. You have made that face before, when Terashima Yuhi wasn't by your side. You were lonely and you missed him a lot."
"Yes." Sumire admitted.
It was her first time properly admitting it, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
"I'm glad you noticed Mikaze-kun, because I haven't been able to admit it to anyone."
No, she could have anytime. But to the guys who like her? To Toh? It wouldn't have been right.
"I heard. Mashima-san huh? I always knew you liked him a lot."
"Excuse me?" Sumire said with flushed cheeks.
Mikaze laughed. "Don't worry, it's not like you were really obvious about it or anything. I'm just good at picking up on things like that."
She raised her eyebrow. "Since when did you become a romance expert?"
"Uh, I wouldn't say I'm an expert or anything. But, occasionally you would make this type of face that exposes your feelings." Mikaze hurriedly explained.
Sumire's eyes widened hearing those words. A face that exposes her feelings? What- has she really been doing that? If Mikaze notices, has Toh? Oh god. She felt her cheeks heat up embarrassed and Mikaze laughed softly.
"This isn't funny. If he knows. Oh god."
Is that why he hasn't given up yet? It must be. Toh isn't the type to persist if the other person isn't interested. He is good at sensing others emotions, so if she truly didn't want him, he would have long left or maintained his distance. But, instead Toh and her have grown a lot closer.
"You have always been really bad at this Sumire-chan. But, if it's you. I believe you will reach a satisfactory answer."
Sumire looked down. "Can I reach an answer that won't hurt anyone?" She mumbled.
She really doesn't want to hurt Toh.
Mikaze shakes his head. "You were the one who taught me that a world without suffering doesn't exist. Even if you hurt Mashima-san, he won't leave your side. You should understand by now."
"That's exactly why! I don't want to tie him to me like this." Sumire exclaimed loudly, causing the other three to look over.
Arashi however pushed the other two into the furthest corner.
She can't do this to Toh, it's too cruel. She wants him to find love and happiness. Her thoughts break off when Mikaze starts singing again.
"From here
I want you to watch me
Where my voice can reach you
Because I can reach the dream I've always wanted to grant
Take that hand, and I'll bring you with me
To the future I drew."
Sumire sobbed when she heard the lyrics. Mikaze stopped singing and reached over to lightly embrace her.
"You don't have to decide now. He is important to you, to your dreams. You still want him in your future, even if you don't understand what role he will play. You want him, no he wants to be there for you."
Sumire eventually stopped crying. "This really is embarrassing. I came over to support all of you, but I ended up like this."
Mikaze shakes his head. "It's alright. I really am thankful to get the center position back. Everyone has been saying how much I have changed, and while my singing has gotten better." He trailed off, his voice suddenly turned quiet. "There are parts of the new me that I dislike."
"Because you discovered that you're an evolved human? Atushi-kun told me that his flames didn't burn you."
At those words Mikaze was the one looking down at his feet. "I hate this new me. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. I hesitate and second guess, and I screw up all the time. I can't stand it. Whenever I'm with you, that's the me I become. I love being around you, but at the same time I cannot stand it."
"That's very admirable of you Mikaze-kun."
Mikaze blinks surprised. "Huh? Admirable?"
"Yes." Sumire nodded. "You realized that you are weak and instead of running away. You are doing your best to fix it."
That's right, even back then when they first met. He was always making mistakes and yet doing his best to get back on his feet.
"But I didn't. I got scared and tried to run away by forgetting everything."
Even now, it feels like there is something she is trying to escape.
"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself though. And don't hate yourself. I think the worst thing anyone can do is try to kill their own heart. Pretending that you don't care or that you forgot is one thing. But when your heart is so hurt or sad that you can't forget or ignore it. Facing that pai, facing that sadness one little piece at a time. I think that's how people learn to get stronger. Being confused and doubting yourself is an important?part of the process. Making mistakes and acknowledging them is at least proof that you tried to move forward. In the end, what's important is that you never stop trying to move forward."
That's right.
No matter how many times you falter or break down, what's important is that you can get back up on your feet.
That's why it doesn't matter what others say about her. It doesn't matter what they think. They can slander and put her down as much as they want. But, in the end what is important is the ability to get back on their feet.
"I want to try and move on with you. No with everyone else too. I'll probably screw up along the way and cause issues. But I can't give it up being with everyone."
Sumire nodded. "That's the spirit!"
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