Chapter 419 - You Lost The Chance To Apologise To The Right Person.
Zhao Ming looked at Ji Cheng as she felt bad for him. His complexion has turned pale as he remembered all the things that he has bottled up inside his heart for all this time.
He has never shared his feelings and how he felt during that period. He was afraid of telling her all of this, fearing that she think of him as weak and incompetent.
However, now he doesn't care about this anymore. He has realised that nothing is as important for him than her. If he tries to maintain his image and will never share his deep secrets with her, then there is no way that they will be able to share their lives with each other.
Ji Cheng continued as he said, " After bringing Xiao Li, I had to make a few more marriage alliances but they were not as powerful as L country. That's why mother favoured Xiao Li more."
" Though I married Xiao Li and brought other consorts to the palace, I never had any feelings towards them like I had for you. In fact, I even told Xiao Li that I may love someone else and might not give her the love that she needed, but she said that she is fine with it. " He tried to explain this because he was worried that she might think that he doesn't like her.
Zhao Ming was surprised when he heard Ji Cheng's words. She was at a loss for words as she could not imagine why Xiao Li wanted to marry Ji Cheng even when he told her that he doesn't love her?
" In the last year, I was mostly at war. And whenever I came back a few times, I had to look at the court management. I found out many things that happened behind me, but I ignored it. " Ji Cheng hung his head down as he explained everything to her.
" Because I didn't realize the seriousness of the matter. I thought mother would acknowledge you sooner or later. I ignored you and your loneliness in the palace and was too focused on the Empire and it's management that I didn't see your pain. "
" And when I was finally able to strengthen my power and expand the territory of the Ji Dynasty, it was too late for me to mend the situation. When I came back from my last battle, things took a steep turn. " he paused as he remembered the time when he heard the rumors of Zhao Ming having a relationship with her bodyguard that were spreading in the palace.
He pursed his lips as he was afraid to talk about that incident at this moment. Though she has no memories, he was afraid that all of this would make her uncomfortable.
" And after I came back, things went wrong and you tried to attempt suicide. You know, I felt that how wrong I was all this while when I ignored your feelings and your sufferings. I realized how self centered I was to focus only on the Empire and its management. "
Zhao Ming pursed her lips when she heard him talk about her suicide. She felt slightly uncomfortable about it because she was always suspicious about Zhao Ming's suicide attempt.
She still cannot believe the girl like Zhao Ming tried to take her life. She always felt that there is something wrong about this suicide attempt though she does not know about it at this moment.
" That was the time I realized that we should not take anything for granted. I was so heartbroken at that time when you were in a coma. I was afraid that I would never get to see you again. "
" I… Was afraid that you would not wake up again. I was blaming and cursing at myself for not looking at your pain and agony. " his voice choked while speaking.
Zhao Ming's expressions softened when she heard his words. She felt a pang in her heart seeing how much he loved Zhao Ming.
Ji Cheng looked up at Zhao Ming with gentleness in his eyes and said," Zhao Ming, will you give me another chance to atone for all my mistakes? I know I was ignorant and a bastard in the past, but can you give me one more chance?"
" I swear I won't let you feel lonely and sad again. I will never let you face difficulties alone again. I will always be by your side to protect you. This time I won't let you go. Can you give me this chance? I want to show you the real side of Ji Cheng to you. "
" I want to be your husband rather than the Emperor of Ji Dynasty. Zhao Ming, I know I don't deserve forgiveness for my doings, but I really want us to be together. "
" Zhao Ming, will you give me this last chance to win your heart back? " he asked her with all seriousness.
Zhao Ming was caught off guard as he saw how desperate he looked while asking her this question.
A part of her was feeling bad for Zhao Ming, however she was feeling envious of her as well.
Zhao Ming didn't love the wrong man. Instead, their circumstances were not right.
She felt bad for Zhao Ming that she didn't live to hear his confession but… She was feeling unsettled because this confession was not for her either.
Her eyes turned teary when she realized how ironic it is. She wanted to go back to her world but she was feeling jealous of Zhao Ming at the same time.
After a moment, she said, " I.. Am not in position to give you this chance. I don't remember what happened in the past, but Ji Cheng you lost your chance to apologise to the right person." she said her words as she looked at him with seriousness.
Ji Cheng was surprised when he heard her words. He couldn't understand her meaning and urged," Zhao Ming, do you still hate me? "
He asked her thinking that she is not ready to give him another chance, so he asked her worriedly.
He was afraid to hear the answer to this question because if it is, 'yes' , his heart will break into pieces. He knows that he deserves this but doesn't want to hear it either.
His question hit her hard because she saw the pain behind his question.
She took a deep breath and replied, " No. I don't hate you." her gaze was definite and fixated at him.
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