321 I am afraid
Ji Yu who came to call her father because the elders of the family were waiting for him paused in her actions and sucked in a heavy breath when she heard the words of her father in shock. Her father was going to replace her? No, that was not important, what was important was that his majesty did not come to support her and went back to the imperial palace!
She stumbled back and if not for Xiaolin who reached out an arm to hold her still, she really would have fallen on her bottom then and there, with her head swooning and her eyes getting hazy with tears Ji Yu tried to blink the pearls that were filling up her eyes away.
How could his majesty do this to her? He promised he promised her that no matter what she will be the only one who will stand by his side till the end. But it did not even take him six months to be attracted to another woman, why? Was she not enough and even if she was not, he has promised her! As the Emperor and her husband, how could he take his words back just like that?
” My lady,” seeing that Ji Yu was losing her mind and seemed breathless, Xiaolin immediately pulled her out of the stuffy corridor. Ji Yu who was beyond the point of even using her own head with her body pliant against Xiao Lin allowed the latter to pull her along without any struggle. She did not even say anything when Xiao Lin dragged her to the backyard of the hall where the ceremony was held and simply clutched her chest as she breathed in and out again and again.
‘ You are nothing but a shell now Yu’er, without the ability to have a child…the only thing you can do is to make sure that her majesty will not be able t give birth to a child as well, only then …only then will you be the only woman who will stand beside his majesty. If not then do you think that someone as useless as you will be able to stay next to his majesty?’
The words of the Grand Dowager Empress came rushing back to Ji Yu’s head like a tide that was overwhelming her to the point where she could not even breathe. She wanted to stay pure and kept her hands away from the schemes of the imperial palace even when she knew that Liu Hui Ying was getting closer to Zhai Tianyu, she has never thought about hurting her but then the Grand Dowager Empress called her and handed her a poison similar to the one that ruined her womb.
She has asked her to slip this poison into the meals of Liu Hui Ying but Ji Yu has refrained, she did not want to succumb and become one of those women who harmed another woman to win the favour of his majesty. This was the reason she did not use the poison that the Grand Dowager Empress has handed to her but now, she couldn’t help but think whether what she did was right or not.
‘ Should I have used that poison? If her majesty was like me with no ability to give birth to his majesty’s child then would he look at me more since we grew up together?’ Ji Yu thought in her head as she questioned and battled against her conscience that was telling her that she was wrong.
But at the same time, a voice in her head told her that she was right, that if only she harmed the Queen then she would have been able to fight her on an equal footing. It was because of the Queen that his majesty did not care about her even when he knew that she needed him the most at the moment.
.....
To hold and to soothe her broken heart.
Maybe she should——
” Missy, why are you looking at the floor like that?” Xiao Lin who has gone to bring a cup of warm water for her mistress was stunned when she returned and found her mistress to be glaring at the floor like those evil women. ” Are you upset with what the lord said? You should not be upset because of something like this, your highness. You are the imperial consort and no one can shake your position and your kindness that knows no bounds is the only thing that makes you different from others, you should not lose your confidence like….missy why are you crying?”
Xiao Lin was stunned when she saw Ji Yu shedding tears, she almost dropped the cup of warm water on the floor when she saw Ji Yu crying like a baby. Immediately, she placed the tray which she was holding in her hands on a side on the floor and then rushed to Ji Yu. ” Does it hurt? Is your womb hurting? Should I call an imperial physician?”
Ever since Ji Yu got poisoned her womb would hurt sometimes causing her a lot of discomfort which was why Xiao Lin thought that her mistress was hurting again but to her surprise, the latter reached out and hugged her.
It was as if Ji Yu was a drowning woman and Xiao Lin was the only straw that was holding her up from being dragged down to the bottom of the sea.
” Y...Your Highness, what are you doing? You shouldn’t touch a servant like me like this!” It was fine when they were young but now they were old and their positions were completely different!
” Just for today, Xiao Lin because I am afraid that I will lose myself …I am afraid, I am so afraid…” Ji Yu embraced Xiao Lin tightly and cried as she told her about the deepest fear in her heart. Just now she was actually losing herself and even thought of a plan to harm the Queen, if not for Xiao Lin ——she might have really forgotten who she was!
On the other side, a man clad in black robes clicked his tongue as he looked at the crying Ji Yu and said, ” I was so close, looks like I have to do something more to get this woman to give in to her instincts.”
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