"So Burnice… do you have any interesting stories? Probably about Marigold?" asked Kat.
Burnice sighed but nodded with a smile on her face, "Oh boy do I have stories about that woman. I can barely even tell apart some of them. Mostly the ones involving Marigold flirting with someone strong looking in a tavern, and then letting them beat her up. It's… shocking how long it takes some of those people to realise she's enjoying it.
"Like… seriously. Marigold will see an angry woman and decide within ten seconds that it's a good idea to go annoy her… which… I guess if you're Marigold it IS a good idea. Considering either she's receptive, and happy to go along with it, or she's not, and she kicks the shit out of you… which is what Marigold wants from it anyway," Burnice shook her head, "I'll never understand Masochists.
"It makes me wonder if the regeneration affinity messes with her head, or if she was always going to be like that and the regeneration just enabled her, thus making it worse. We'll never know of course, but most people say that affinities tend to suite the person they're given to, even if it's not immediately obvious that it's the case, or it takes some years to become apparent.
"Not sure I totally agree with that… but whatever this is about Marigold. Yeah, a hobby of hers is just… messing with women in taverns and then going along with the fallout whatever it might be. A lot of women will beat up Marigold, then they'll declare that she'll be a chair as punishment and…
"I'm really not sure how it keeps happening. Like, I've never once seen anyone other than Marigold act as a chair so how the fuck does she keep finding the exact kind of weirdos that will SUGGEST the idea so Marigold can pretend to be reluctantly going along with it. Not that she pretends well mind you, but most of these people are drunk and don't notice. Though… I can't really tell you about anyone ONE encounter because they're shockingly samey after the first few times.
"So… hmm… what's the next best one… OH I know. This was when we were younger, and Marigold was kidnapped. Vanya was beside herself, the fae were pretty sure she was off getting drunk or something, and I was on Vanya's side. Irresponsible and reckless Marigold may be, but she's never just left without telling us. Especially not to sneak of and have sex or something, because she enjoys airing that sort of info out to get reactions from people.
"So for her to just… vanish? It was very out of character. The reason it happened was because Vanya was down with a nasty stomach bug so she wasn't actually in bed with Marigold for once. We were staying at one of the smaller cabins Auctifer owns so there's a few bedrooms so we didn't hear anything when Marigold vanished.
"Anyway, we start scouring town for her, and it turns out she'd been kidnapped by the local crime family. Which… wasn't very large or very powerful considering the town had… maybe two thousand residence tops. So when I say it was a crime family, I do mean family. It was a family run business and they mostly just run some illegal gambling dens under the pubs. Which… look I won't get into exactly why that's weird, just know that gambling isn't illegal in the elven kingdom. Or… any of the kingdoms I don't think. Anyway, for some reason, they thought Marigold was someone else entirely. The thought she was the daughter of this merchant caravan that had robbed the casinos once.
"Anyway, we finally sneak down into the interrogation chamber, with suspiciously no guards, to find one person crying in the corner, and it wasn't Marigold. See, I did mention these guys were just a small family right? So they didn't have a proper torturer, just 'Uncle Benny' who was a creepy looking dude, but actually really nice. Their whole plan was to just try and scare some info out of Marigold and then let her go.
"Then the screaming started. All the guards first assumed Benny actually knew what he was doing… but then they realised that it was a MAN screaming. Well, one brave soul looked in, threw up in the doorway, and then ran away screaming. The rest of the guards decided he was the smartest of the group and decided to join him.
"Anyway, Marigold decided that clearly Benny didn't know how to use any of these torture implements they'd scrounged up so she started demonstrating them… on herself. When we got down there, there was blood all over the table, Marigold, Marigold's clothes, and Benny. He was just… crying on the floor. Poor guy.
"When we showed up he runs over screaming and says 'Arrest me! I don't care if you ain't cops, just take me away from that fucking demon!' in between tears. We felt so bad for the guy that we just nodded. Myself and Mauve dragged him away, not because he was unwilling, but because he was having trouble standing his knees were shaking so much.
"And that was the story of how Marigold managed to accidentally scar multiple men for life and shut down a family owned gambling ring all by getting kidnapped, but not for anything she'd actually done personally or who her real family was… instead it was because she looked a bit like someone else. And just… damn it was a night,"
Mint giggled "Did she really manage to scare them all that badly?" Kat and Lily were laughing as well, but unlike Mint, they could believe it.
"Oh yeah. The 'Uncle Benny' left the life of crime completely. He actually bakes pastries in the capital now. It was really… really awkward when we went to the new bakery as a group. We didn't know it was him, but as soon as we all walked in together, he spotted Marigold, screamed, and ran out the back door. Poor guy. It was all the funnier because Marigold's Mum was there too, and she ended up on the floor laughing about the fact Marigold scared someone that badly they ran away on sight.
"But yeah… really awkward when we then had to explain to the rest of the customers why the bakery was closed for the day because the head chef had run off. He came back eventually, and his food IS really good. Marigold just isn't allowed to visit the bakery anymore, and I heard he refuses to work with read jam," explained Burnice.
"NO" insisted Mint.
"Yes!" insisted Burnice right back.
"I can scarcely believe it. I mean… how did she scare the poor man so much?" asked Mint.
"I don't think you want to know Mint… it's really gross just to think about," said Burnice a little green. "Then again… you're part tree so maybe it won't bother you… but look, no, I'm not going to go over it. I'll just say that because Marigold is really weird she likes to use torture implements while having fun in the bedroom and leave it at that ok?"
Mint frowned, obviously not totally satisfied with the answer, but she could see how uncomfortable Burnice was with the subject and agreed to drop it. "Ok then. What's Marigold's mother like? Is she also a masochist?"
If anything, Burnice looked even greener that the question. "Mint… there are some things you just… you just don't want to know about people. I don't think, if given the choice, I'd want to even know that MARIGOLD is a masochist. It's just that it's so in your face you sort of get used to it over time. I do NOT want to know what her parents get up to. Either in the bedroom, or anywhere else. So I'm afraid I can't answer you, and I'm not sure I would even if I did know. That image is going to stuck in my mind forever…"
Mint gave a confused glance over to Kat who shrugged and said, "I don't have parents so I can't comment, but I think her feelings are pretty universal,"
Mint then looked at Lily who nodded and explained, "It's just a weird thing for us to think about. I think it's part of the disgust response because incest is really bad for mammals. So we don't like to picture our parents, or our friends parents in sexual situations,"
Mint nodded and said, "Ok. I understand what you are saying. I don't think dryads have that issue at all… but I guess we don't think about that sort of thing much either. I know we're not wired up for sex like you guys are. Honestly creating more trees is a very clean process for us,"
"We don't want to know," said Kat, Lily and Burnice together. None of whom wanted to know anything at all about 'tree sex'. It was one thing when they were just trees, but another when those trees could think.
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