"Well, just one leader left to go then," said Kat.
Nixilei's grin went a little strained, "Are you sure Kat? Really, I feel like we've covered everything," said Nixilei
"Do it or I will," retorted Kress.
"Or I can explain!" said Green with a grin. "You might have issue with badmouthing our leader, but I'm perfectly happy to do it!"
"You could cause a diplomatic incident if it gets reported back!" hissed Nixilei.
"Bah, Titty is a cool ruler, she's not going to cause us too many problems. Besides this is private enough, and Kat is a friend," said Green.
Nixilei felt like she was about to burst a blood vessel. "Why do you insist on using such a ridiculous nickname for the Queen of the fae? Her name is Titania and you KNOW that," said Nixilei firmly.
"Well, sure, but I couldn't pronounce her name back when I was a kid so… Titty! Now I just find it funny… and I called her Titty to her face once. She spent five minutes laughing on the floor," said Green with a massive grin.
Nixilei groaned. "Don't remind me. You're lucky she was indulging in cloud powder at the time,"
"Pretty sure it was stronger than Cloud Powder Nix, but sure, if that makes you feel better," said Green.
"I didn't take Nixilei for the super patriotic type," said Kress. "I mean… I guess it makes some sense now I'm thinking about it, but she's never gone full 'Fae Nation best nation' before now,"
"I… I just have a lot of respect for Titania is all," said Nixilei 'honestly'.
Green snapped her fingers as inspiration struck her. "Wait a minute! You picked it up from my mother!"
"I-I did not!" insisted Nixilei.
Kat felt her eye twitching as Green glared back at Nixilei and said, "Yes… yes I see it now. My mother has the exact same attitude towards Titania. I don't know why you picked it up, but man did I get punished when Mum found out I called her Titty to her face so like… don't report that I'm still doing that please?"
"I dunno," said Nixilei with narrowed eyes. "It's sounded like an awfully good idea right now. Perhaps your mother can ensure that you have at least some respect for our Queen,"
Gareth clapped his hands together, pulling the attention away from Green. "Hey, we made fun of the human King, the dwarven Queen, and two members of the tribal council. We probably also made fun of Auctifer… but he's a lot like Thyme in that it's hard to put them in a bad light. Now it's Titania's turn. It's really not anything to get worked up over,"
Nixilei held her tongue but glared a Green. Green, deciding that she might as well tell the story stepped forward, "Right so, Titty" Green glared right back at Nixilei as she spoke, "Is a big proponent for recreational drug use. While dwarves have their alcohol, the fae lands have all sorts of drugs. Though don't mistake that for having less regulation. We carefully test just about everything, both by itself, mixed together, and variants on the original.
"We crack down massively on anyone skipping the review process for new drugs, new mixes, or for people trying to sell to kids. It's… a bit brutal sometimes. Depending on the severity, execution is very much on the table, or worse. Not sure what that IS exactly, but it's in the lawbooks, and apparently it's kept a secret to make people fear it more. My parents SHOULD know, but I don't.
"Anyway, Titty," Nixilei coughed, but Green ignored it, "likes to test things herself as a last line of defence. Her two affinities are 'Poison' and 'Water', and she can usually cleanse herself of anything that gets too bad… but she tends to just ride out the experience. Thing is though…
"Because Titty is the last line of testing for a lot of these drugs… mostly because it's her favourite hobby… she sometimes takes an aggressive stance against things that just don't agree with her. One example of this is alcohol. Because it's such a common thing, especially among dwarves… Titania tried it when she was pretty young and… overindulged.
"Woke up with a massive headache that lasted for a full week and then she outlawed the stuff for anyone under the age of thirty, put strict quality control measures in place, and made it super illegal to brew alcohol without a license. Which… is a bit much, and there's always talk of her letting up on it because it's been nearly a century since she put the law in place… but for now it's hear to stay,"
Nixilei was nodding along. Happy to see that Green had chosen one of the nicer stories about Titania. She was about to be disappointed, because Green wasn't done. "Right, so with that bit of background knowledge," Nixilei paled "we can get into one of the most entertaining stories involving this testing.
"Titty was trying a new mixture, that wasn't supposed to have any mana boosting properties to it, but someone had accidentally given her the incorrect batch. She never came out and said who was at fault… but I personally think Titty just wanted to see what would happen and did it to herself. Anyway, it was a potent mix of things, that blew past quite a few of her safeties… and starting Titty of on a journey.
"Now… the interesting part of this is that she's quite a high level fighter… and she apparently forgot that doors were a thing that existed. The first thing she did was walk out of her testing champers, straight threw the walls, and she took off exploring. She was 'following the wild pixies' apparently. People who analysed the mixture and know more than me think Titty was actually able to SEE and possibly taste mana at the time. There is also a theory that she… well she couldn't see anything else.
"Anyway, she proceeded to wander around the fae capital city, barrelling through walls and following things only she could see. The best part about this, is that while a lot of people were pissed off at her for the event, she managed to do a few notable things. Two hundred families reported finding a lost cache of valuable. Twenty-seven criminal gatherings were dismantled and the criminals involved in them detained. The ancestral fae crown that was thought to be lost during the great way was found, and, if the rumours are to be believed, Titty performed a few quick marriage counselling sessions during her rampage, but that last one is more rumour than fact.
"In regards to the property damage, it was surprisingly little despite her disregard for doors. Many of her impromptu exits showed off structural defects that needed repairing, and the ones that didn't tended to be used as either a new window, or new doorway. The funnies thing, was that after her rampage wore down, and she decided to rest…
"Titty collapsed in what seemed to be a random part of town, but when people went to pick her up, the found her curled around a box. That box, is where they found the lost crown of the fae. It's a powerful enchanted artifact that we used once upon a time to do… something. If Titty knows what it does, she's not telling and everyone else… sort of forgot?
"It's unclear if the other races know and don't want to tell us, or if we managed to keep it a secret from them… because if it's the later, we kept that secret a bit too well because WE don't know how it works even though we found the thing. Though, as I implied, some people think Titty knows what it does but desires to see it never used again. We do keep it on display though. So if someone knows how to use it, they currently aren't. It's on display in the public museum that takes up part of the palace."
"That's what you were scared of Green saying?" asked Kat confused. "That doesn't seem like a particularly embarrassing story,"
andasnovel.com Kress grinned and added, "That's because Green neglected to mention that Titania's first action wasn't leaving the testing chambers, it was ripping off her clothes. It's also why so many people didn't complain about the damage, because they were left with sections of walls that the naked image of the fae queen imprinted on them. That's not even getting into the paintings that were spawned because of the day,"
Nixilei glared at Kress' reveal, while Kat frowned, somewhat confused. "Did… did she really walk around naked?"
"Yup," said Green. "Titty's titties were on display for a couple of days. Oh yeah, it was a multi-day event. Not sure if I said that,"
Nixilei groaned again, resting her face in her hands as Kat asked, "Not… not to be rude but… how did she… not… well… not get taken advantage of?"
"Oh, well Titty's titties were very well protected by a potent fast acting poison. It was a petrifying agent… and a laxative. Nobody bothered her after the first failed attempt," said Green.
Kat grimaced, "Maybe I shouldn't have asked,"
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