Side Story 2-5: D, do you swing that way? No!
TL: Eevee
Ed: adkji
TLN: Some character notes:
Rhode: Dragon (♀) (currently in human form, blonde hair when human)
Destruction: Demon king of Destruction (♂), currently working part-time as a hero’s sidekick.
Pope Candidate: Nameless human (♂), sacrificed sent on a quest by the Pope and Sermir.
Raon: Black dragon (♂). Currently being whipped into shape by a certain red haired hero.
Nameless red haired girl: (♀) If you haven’t figured out who she is by now, please take a course in deductive reasoning or read the side stories again.
***
The world’s rotten. It’s fucked. It could come to ruin at any time and it wouldn’t even be odd.
I realized that three days after I kidnapped the heir.
“Hand over the prince!”
“You pervert dragon!”
Many adventurers came invading in.
“Haaaaap!”
“Hand over the prince! Angdragon!”
Countless female warriors came charging in.
“All units, kill that dragon!”
“Maximum mana! Stake it all on one hit!”
The knight and mage brigade also came charging in.
-Kuuuoooooh! How dare you charge into this one’s lair!
While uttering lines completely befitting a third-rate villain, I knocked them over without a scratch.
That aside, when the hero saw the prince she made noises of “hm…,” “hoohhh~”, told me to keep him for a week, took her party and vanished.
After that, starting from the royals, all sorts of humans invaded my lair, all chargin in while calling me various names like pervert dragon, angdragon, gay dragon and so on.
… Can I cry?
As soon as the tiniest tear leaked out, the humans let out a wild cry!
“The dragon is crying!”
“Everyone attack! The end is near!”
Nope, it’s over already. Angdragon, they say. To be precise, an ang!dragon. What is this, I don’t even know what it means and I’m still scared. A word which inspires fear in dragons, humans are fearsome creatures.
-Gravity
One word.
All that was needed to make thousands of knights and mages collapse. Ah, I’m this strong. Really strong! Why! Why! Do I have to do this!
My eyes are fogging up again. Ah, for, when is this evil demon’s offspring calling herself a hero gonna show up!
“Stop there, evil dragon!”
Just then, the self-proclaimed hero’s voice sounded out.
-Kuooooooh!
I let out a roar of joy. I’m free! I’m moving as soon as this is over! Yes, elves! I’m living peacefully with the quiet elves!
In order to move residences as fast as possible I eyeballed the hero… eh?
-Rhode, what on earth is that?
No, there could be children watching this! What is with that sheer cloth that barely covers the breasts, not only that, those soft frilly shorts that you couldn’t even tell if they were clothes or underwear!
-Have you awakened to some new…
-No!
Ah, Rhode is crying again. When I first saw that, I felt sorry for her, but not anymore. My instincts are speaking. If I can’t escape that thing called a hero then that’s my fate as well.
-Sob… Waaaahhhh… I, I don’t like this either! It’s not pretty, or even comfy! I don’t like this, this lewd outfit! Waaahhhh!
So she yells with tearful eyes. Plus, you could directly imply that it was the hero who made her wear it. Well, what can I say, the defense of female party members are inversely proportional to their exposure? The logic that the more exposed they were, the higher their defences.
On that note, the Demon King was in the typical knight attire. In one word, clad head to toe in sturdy armour. And the human kid called the Pope candidate was holding a book of scripture in one hand, and wearing a silver bracelet of the clergy on the other.
-… So everyone’s normal aside from Rhode. (Black Dragon)
-… And according to ‘normal,’ you’re going to get wrecked. (Rhode)
Well, she’ll keep me alive at least. Surely… she wouldn’t kill me?
Looking at my blank expression, the self-proclaimed hero scowled, and avoiding everyone else’s gaze, looked right at me and drew a finger over her throat. Shit, if I screw this up I really am going to die.
-Foolish human.
Making myself as grand as possible, I looked at the self-proclaimed hero and said according to the script,
-If you want the prince, you’ll have to get through me!
Guuuuooooohhhh!
A shot of Breath aimed at nothing but air!
Throwing around the biggest, flashiest spells was my role! As well as getting rid of any possible interference.
“Aaah! Run away!”
“It’s Breath!” freewe(b)novel
While I was spouting lines straight from a minion textbook, the humans ran away, and in front of them, including Rhode, the self-proclaimed hero’s party appeared while using barrier magic.
“Evil dragon! Cease thy slaughter!”
“This evil dragon!”
“Die, angdragon!”
“O holy blessings…”
Wait a second.
-Lord Demon King, what do you mean, angdragon!
-That’s what everyone else is calling you!
-So would you like it if I starting putting ang in front of your name as well?
-… Sorry.
Some things need to be set right. While running through my magic formulas, I attacked the hero party with the flashiest skills I had. Ah, I had no real intention behind them. Trust me. You don’t believe me, don’t you. Even I wouldn’t believe that.
My strongest Hellfire was easily blocked by Rhode’s hands. And ignoring the flames the Demon King broke through, the hero charging right behind.
“Hyyap!”
Now I’d suitably take that… Holy!
I dodged by a margin of only a single sheet of paper. Wh, what’s this!
-Why are you dodging!
-Rhode! Dragons or not, getting hit with a sword aura is dangerous!
No, what’s this monster. How old is this brat what can already use sword auras! How is she a swordsmaster at this age!
She’s charging full on. Ah, at this rate, this won’t be a just a performance, I’m actually fucked.
“Sword of Azure Flames, Seventh Style Wings of Azure Flames!”
A sword aura shaped like wings made of of blue flames raced towards my body. Oh f-, that’s going to hurt. Plus the feather-like formations surrounding the wings have small amounts of sword aura and death racing with it. If I get hit with that, that’s going to leave a hell of a mark.
I’m not going to die, but it’s going to hurt like I am!
-Kuuuuoooohhh!
I set up a shield with magic and retreated as far as possible. And at the same time I set up barrier magic, summoned a water elemental, collected water near my stomach and opened up a pocket dimension, used alchemy to turn the water red and sticky like blood.
-Kwaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgghhh!
As soon as the shield broke, so did my barrier magic. Dammit, that hurts! It hurts like hell!
“How is it, foul dragon!”
It hurts. I hurt. It hurts like hell.
-It’s my loss.
That only sightly dinged my scales, but any more and I could have really died. Looking at my collapsing form, the humans cheered.
“The dragon is down!”
“Rescue the prince!”
“Hooray for the hero!”
I opened my eyes a crack and looked at the self-proclaimed hero’s party. The prince is thanking the self-proclaimed hero. The hero is gracefully accepting it.
-Well done.
-Well done.
Rhode and the Demon King breathed a sigh of relief and praised me. The Pope candidate made a holy gesture and lowered his head to me. Ah, it’s finally over. Looking at the humans that made to approach me, thinking I was dead, I shouted my last lines.
-Guuoohhhh! Although I retreat this time, the next time will not be like this!
Under the gazes of the shocked humans I quickly teleported. So long, hope to never see you again. I’m going to empty my lair entirely and spend at least the next hundred years somewhere else in seclusion.
And so, I finally got my long-desired freedom. Wahahahahahaha!
***
“Hwaa… Sob. Wamuahhhh…”
A black-haired youth cried. Beside him who was making an expression like it was the end of the world, a giant man patted his shoulder beside him.
“Sorry. But, the hero says she needs a villain.”
“Th, there are plenty of villains all around! You know how greedy humans are!”
“We need a big antagonist.”
“Where are all the human villains! World conquest, demon king summons! There were lots of those kids!”
At the desparing screams, a boy wearing a mantle shook his head and said,
“The hero’s mom got them all.”
“Why, why! Why didn’t she leave some for her daughter!”
As the black-haired youth started crying again, the blond girl made a bitter smile.
“The prince was a bit weak.”
“Weak! No, that level of magic at that age, being knighted with his skills alone, how is that weak!”
“Her dad said, from ages ago, that she needs to grab someone stronger than her. By the way, his wife is way stronger than him.”
“Guooohhh! This evil demonic bloodline! No, Lord Demon King! Can’t you do something about this kid!”
Looking at this youth whining and dripping tears and snot, the giant man could only smile bitterly.
“Sorry. If I go against her, I get cleaned out. My entire household gets cleaned out. My soldiers get cleaned out. Mortgage and debt sales come into play.”
“Hwwooooooo”
When even the giant shook his head, the black-haired youth started beating the ground and crying again.
“No, what is this. Sword aura with one hand, shooting off Hellfires with the other, that human that’s stronger than monsters. What is that, a demon king? Or some beast from another dimension?”
A red-haired girl walked up beside the despairing youth, put a hand on his shoulder and said,
“That country’s duke seems usable. Now, fetch! Evil dragon!”
“Hwooooo.”
And so the world’s most villainous evil dragon, the angdragon that only kidnapped men declared war on that country.
***
Author’s Notes
A certain girl’s specs episode 2.
Sword skills. Handles sword auras easily. Reaching the pinnacle of all swordsmasters.
Magic. Doesn’t like to memorize chants. Only bothers writing down the usable ones in a notebook in her pocket. The only ones that she does memorize are crazy ones like Hellfire. A mage so skilled that she can create her own spells.
Wealth. Three accounts. Holder of a human account (Pope candidate), dragon account (Rhode), and a demon account (demon king). Looking for opportunities to make a heavenly account sometime soon. (Spirit and elemental worlds have no material value and therefore aren’t worth her attention.)
(1) A slang word to signify anything gay, especially male. Supposedly originated as the signature ‘sound’ made by gay porn star Billy Herrington and subsequently turned into a meme in Korea.
(2) ang! here written in English
(3) Not stated in the raws, but presumably Destruction, not her dad.
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