Chapter 142 - A Heart Difficult To Read
Wife, let's go eat!? Alexander exclaims after jumping out of nowhere.
I was headed there,? I say. It's almost time for lunch.
Aren't you feeling cold??
I'm fine.?
I'm well covered by my shawl and woollen undergarments. Is he the one feeling cold, perhaps?
Why are you asking??
I'm just worried about my wife. Is it forbidden??
You didn't talk to me for a week. Don't even think about recuperating in a single day. You'll just get on my nerves.?
I would have hugged you to warm you if you said yes.?
You were looking for an excuse.?
Correct.?
It seems we're back to normal.
You can hug me if you need it so much,? I mumble. ?I'll endure the hassle.?
His hands immediately land on me, and he drags me in a clumsy embrace. I cross my arms and pretend not to be enjoying the warm contact, waiting for him to let go.
Is this enough?? I ask when I understand it won't be just a short hug.
No, I haven't reached my daily dose of wife yet.?
Stop being shameless, at least.?
I'm not shameless, just sincere.?
You're a manipulator.?
So what? Do you dislike it??
Quite a bit,? I nod. Only now that I brush my ear on his chest, I notice that I'm leaning on him.
Let's go eat, then. My wife is hungry.?
How do you know? I'm not so hungry. I can stay like this a few minutes more.?
His breath slips in between my hair as he chuckles. His lips peck my forehead before letting go.
We reach the dining hall together, almost hand in hand. In the end, I freed my hand a few metres before crossing the door. There's no need to be seen acting like children.
Today, lunch is special,? Alexander says with a bright smile.
Chicken drumsticks??
No, you've had those yesterday.?
Are there lemon cookies??
I guess there are some left.?
Good.?
We reach the table where Countess de Ruis is already waiting with a frown. She doesn't seem happy.
There is fish for lunch! It was damn time, weeks passed from last time. Lady Lyana is conveniently absent. She knew about it as well.
The servants bring the food on the table, and I grin while waiting for them to leave the fish as well.
When it happens, though, something odd happens. First of all, my stomach closes, and hunger disappears like nothing. The scent of the fish reaches my nose a second after that, and I frown.
Lastly, queasiness.
I feel like vomiting, but there isn't anything to throw out since I haven't eaten yet. I cover my mouth with a hand while a couple of spasms make my shoulders tremble.
Alexander orders the servants to take the fish away while following me. I've got up and walked away, trying to get rid of the smell of fish.
Thea, you...? he whispers, grabbing my arms. ?Are you pregnant??
I turn to him, not really conscious about the words he pronounced. I'm still recovering from almost vomiting.
Alexander's face is white like paper, and it's crossed by a scared expression.
What did he say? Ah, yes...
I don't know,? I reply, a minute or so late.
It can't be,? he says, shaking his head. ?It's too soon.?
Well, we've shared the bed quite often those last few months. What was he expecting? Doesn't he know how these things work?
But most importantly, why is he reacting like this? Shouldn't he be happy? At least a bit!
His hands leave my arms, and his fingers start shaking.
It's not possible,? he repeats.
What is not possible?
You can't decide when it happens, Alexander,? I point out. Control maniac is fine and all, but he's not a god.
It was not supposed to be like this...?
After his words, I straighten my back and wait for explanations.
Needless to say, they don't arrive.
I'm sorry to have ruined your perfect plans, Alexander,? I declare.
I turn on my feet and leave the lunch hall in silence. I don't look back, and I don't feel too bad about it.
My Duke just signed a divorce agreement with a single clause. If this child is a son, I'll be free to go soon.
It will take months, there is no need to start panicking just yet. I can't believe my Duke reacted like that!
What if he tries to harm my child? I can't lower my guard now.
I stop mid step because tears are preventing me from seeing the hallway. It might even be a coincidence. I'm not sure I'm pregnant, after all.
When was the last time I had monthlies? It was so long ago... Two months? Three?
I was so busy rolling in bed with the Duke that I haven't noticed anything amiss.
I reach the Lady's office and sit down in front of a hot cup of herbal tea. I observe my reflection in a pocket mirror, and I don't find any difference. My stomach is still flat, and I don't feel anything changed.
Except for my breasts' size. Indeed, they're slightly bigger. How come my Duke hasn't noticed this already?
Maybe, he thought it was because of my period. I would think it as well, if not for the incident with the fish.
I first need to confirm my suspicions. Maybe, my monthlies will arrive in a couple of days and ease the Duke's worries.
There's no need to cause an uproar out of nothing.
Kate,? I call. ?Bring a set of bedclothes here. I'll sleep in this room for a couple of days.?
Why is that, my Lady?? she asks, looking at me nervously.
Because I was never fated to live an easy life. I might be pregnant, and my husband isn't happy about it.?
She lifts her eyebrows and stares for a couple of seconds.
Are you sure he's not happy? Maybe, he's just nervous. Or he doesn't know how to express his thoughts...?
He said: it's too early, it can't be possible, it wasn't supposed to go this way. Are those happy words, to you??
She nods and runs to the door.
I'll be right back,? she says before crossing it.
The next few days will be long and tedious. Also, I have to pay attention to what I eat and drink.
I'm quite resistant to poison, I've been trained to it when I was little. Less than the rest of the continent's royals because I couldn't afford to stay bedridden for long, but I still developed some kind of tolerance.
However, I can't risk losing a child because of it.
Alexander won't hurt me, that's for sure. He wants me by his side, at least for a few years more. He won't harm me, but I can't be sure for the baby.
If there is a baby.
Men can't get in here, but the maids working in Stoneyard are skilled enough. I have to make my conditions clear.
I open the door and find the first one cleaning the waiting room.
Tell your Lord that I will kill myself if anything happens to my child,? I state.
She looks at me, surprised. The cloth in her hands falls on the floor, and her mouth opens in wonder.
She widens her eyes, and I swear I see she's happy to hear my words. Is it possible that the only one that reacts like it's a disaster is Alexander?
My Lady is with child?? she stutters, almost jumping in place. ?It's a miracle. We need to celebrate!?
Hey,? I call her. ?Have you heard the rest of the sentence??
Oh, I'll immediately report to my Lord.?
Good.?
She runs away, and I sigh, dejected.
I'm hungry,? I murmur while walking back.
Kate returns a few minutes later, and I send her to the kitchen to get some food. It's too early to have prepared poisons for me.
She comes back with days of supplies, and I burst out laughing.
I'm going to protect you, Theodora!? she says.
I wince, hearing my name from her mouth after quite some time. She's a maid, here in the Empire. She's not allowed to call her master by name, even if she has permission to do so.
I'm lucky to have her by my side. She has a lot of knowledge about poison. Hence, she's the right person to keep by my side.
I won't get out of here until I'm sure of my status. Maybe, I'm not pregnant,? I shrug.
However, something in my heart tells me that I'm not alone here. There is a new life growing inside me. It's so obvious that I don't know how I didn't notice earlier.
It's so small, and it doesn't move yet, but I know it's there.
I'm going to be a mother, Kate,? I whisper.
My handmaid, my best friend, sits next to me. She hugs me tightly, as happy as I can be.
Maybe,? I add.
There still is the possibility that it's all a coincidence.
Fate hasn't been clement with me, lately. It could be just another way to make me hope for the better and then feel the loss.
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