Chapter 137 - An Evading Heart
The Ambassador left a few minutes ago, and Alexander didn't move a muscle from then.
Would you like some tea?? I ask him. I won't be able to finish this sweet mess.
No,? he breathes.
Are you unhappy because I invited a man here without letting you know or because he's my uncle??
No,? he repeats.
I blink, confused. No?
I'm not unhappy,? he says. Oh, is that so?
Then, are you angry? Or worried??
I'm furious,? he reveals. ?But I can't scold you for something I implicitly allowed.?
Oh, you were rather clear about it. You didn't want me to have contacts with Ambassador Zolokis. However, I disobeyed. You have the right to be furious.?
I don't want to be,? he sighs.
What is it exactly that bothers you so much, Alexander? I really don't understand. I can repeat the conversation I had with the Ambassador word for word. You can also ask the maids. There was nothing dangerous...?
The problem is that I trust you, but I shouldn't.?
His eyes, as he speaks, are dim and distant. He's looking at something I can't see, and his whole being is reacting to that something.
Is he afraid I'll betray him? I can't reassure him, unfortunately. I didn't choose to be his wife, I was forced. No one even asked.
There is no vow among us, just an order given by a child emperor.
I don't have any reason to betray my husband in any way, and I hope I won't have it ever. Still, it's hard to promise something like that.
At this very moment, you can trust me. If nothing major happens, you can count on my help. Right now, Polis is the only thing that could make me change my mind.?
It's only a compromise, but it's the most I can give right now.
You've always read my mind, Alexander. You will notice it immediately if the time to distrust me comes.?
His eyes return from that distant place, and he looks at me for the first time from the start of the conversation. At least, it's the first time he truly sees me.
I am your wife, it should count for something.?
Thea...? he whispers, probably unintentionally. ?You can't understand how much this means to me...?
Then, explain it,? I shrug. ?I can't understand you if you always evade the topics you don't like. My mind-reading abilities are bad... But I'm always ready to listen. My ears work well.?
Are you... Do you think what you said? For real??
Yes, I do,? I chuckle. ?But this was supposed to be about you, not me. I've revealed myself to you, and I was hoping you could do the same. My heart is transparent, isn't it??
Less than you think.?
Ah, it looks like I'll have to expose my mind to him before he does the same.
I always knew that my marriage would have been a combined one. An agreement, rather than the union between two people. However, I always thought I would have some say in it. I wouldn't have believed if anyone told me that I would find some happiness in a marriage like ours.?
I wanted to solve this with seduction, but it won't help if Alexander reacts like this every time I do something he doesn't expect. It would be better if he could simply trust me.
You've also been forced into this.? Even though he was slightly more willing than me when he accepted. ?Don't be too harsh with yourself, and let me hold a part of the burden. Talk with me...?
That wouldn't be a solution,? he snickers. Somehow, his reaction annoys me.
Still, I'm trying to be understanding here.
It won't do any ill,? I mutter. ?Maybe, I won't be able to help. But I'll understand your reasons.?
It won't happen,? he replies, fast and concise. ?You can't understand me.?
I was always told that I'm smart,? I point out. ?Can't you have some faith in me??
That's not what I meant.?
Alexander, just say you don't want to talk with me!? I exclaim. ?You would have spared my time if you were clear from the start. There is no need to understand each other, right? It's enough we get along in bed.?
That's not...?
Then what in the world do you mean by 'you can't understand'? You clearly don't want me to be your companion. You just need an obedient wife. I can do both, by the way.?
My eyes fill with tears, and I blink trying to disperse them.
Thea,? the Duke whispers, and I get up before he can grab my hand.
Why do you call me like that? I thought you were trying to be closer to me, but that's not the case. What reason could you have to call me with nicknames when you don't trust me enough to be sincere??
After saying that, I walk out without turning back. I haven't ever given him explicit permission to call me Thea in the first place. However, I didn't dislike it too much, so I let him do.
Now, I've just made it clear that the permission implicitly granted is revoked.
It won't stop him from doing what he wants, but he'll know how it makes me feel.
I pass the rest of the afternoon alone in the Lady's office. I'm not in the mood to meet anyone. I also have dinner here and reach the bedroom only at sleeping time.
I slip between the sheets in silence and turn my back to Alexander. He silently blows out the candle. His hand comes closer to me, I can feel the warmth. At the last moment, though, he retreats.
I bite my lower lip and nestle alone in the bed. It's cold, but it's better than the alternative.
At dawn, after sleeping rather calmly, I get up and get ready for the day. I need my time to hide my emotions, but at eight sharp I'm ready.
Lady Lyana greets me with a smile, and I respond with my usual kind expression. She hasn't noticed anything odd, which means my mood is hidden well enough.
What are we going to do today, my Lady??
Now that I finally can leave Stoneyard, we can visit the village and check if there are buildings that can be used for the lessons. Any news regarding teachers??
Only a few answered your call, my Lady. Regardless, there might be someone suitable.?
How many people from the church??
Almost all.?
So, we do have a layman among the candidates.?
It's a young man from Albios. He worked as a personal teacher for the daughters of some counts, and he was fired when the girls grew the age for marriage.?
Which is?? I ask, sincerely curious. I haven't yet figured out when it is the right time for marriage, in Ethiro.
Fourteen is considered the ideal age to formalise an engagement. Most girls get married around fifteen.?
Ah, I'm a late bloomer.
How old is Elisabeth Grahm? How come she's not yet married??
Lady Lyana flinches. Then, she tortures her hands anxiously.
I just asked a simple math question. Is there a need to react like this?
She's seventeen. And she didn't get married because her family was aiming to make her the Archduchess.?
Now, not only she didn't become one, but there isn't even the title of Archduchess at stake. This only makes getting rid of her a bit easier.
She's younger than me,? I say, more to make lady Lyana relax rather than for real interest. ?I had this feeling, but I couldn't be sure.?
My Lady is certainly the fittest for this role,? my lady in waiting exclaims, clenching her fists and nodding her head.
Behind her, Kate nods convinced. Just a tired smirk tells me that her thoughts are a bit more complicated. In her opinion, I should be a queen. However, no one else can be Lady of Kyre better than me.
Well, I'm glad. At least, there are a few people that think this. It's a pity that the only one disagreeing is my husband, the Lord of Kyre.
Inform the guards that we're going out, later this week. Also, ask the teacher to come to talk with me tomorrow or the day after. I want to be sure he'll do his job, before hiring him.?
Yes, my Lady.?
I need a map with the locations of the villages. It would be a waste to stop at one. First of all, we need to make sure the teacher can move from a place to the other in a reasonable time. We'll provide him with a carriage and a couple of horses.?
I can't let a little drawback make me suffer like in the capital. I have some responsibilities in Stoneyard.
Working seems the right distraction at this moment. And making sure children can learn the basics of writing will only do good.
I have to write to some book-printers. I wanted to link them together and start my own laboratory. Do you know of a fitting location, lady Lyana??
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