Chapter 423: Being A Parent Is Scary
"And while I might still feel that way, none of it means a damn thing to me anymore if I don't share my life with you."
He turned his head and looked at her like she had made, lit, and hung every damn star above them. "Everything I have, Qian Meng, everything I am… down to the bones in my body, is all yours."
She stretched up to kiss the corner of his mouth, and he paused just briefly before continuing.
"I'm sorry for freaking out in the middle of our session."
She watched him struggle to find the words he didn't need. She already knew.
"After I left today. I felt guilty. And I did some thinking." She pulled back to look at him questioningly. "I felt bad that you poured your heart out to me and received no response from me. Even though I was there to talk about my feelings, I shut you out."
"What you said in there was meaningful. More than you know. I needed the time to think alone. And it hit me hard."
Qian Meng chewed on her lip, wondering if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "I felt clarity."
Her heart jolted. He had come to the conclusion.
"Clarity?" she squeaked.
"You want to know why I brought you here, baby?"
Unaware he had any motives outside of fattening her up, she was utterly confused.
Mo Qingchen sprung to his feet and walked back and forth in front of her, appearing jumpy and anxious.
"I brought you out here because I am conflicted."
She gaped at him blankly. From seconds, he had gone from clarity to conflicting. Qian Meng really wanted to punch him hard in the balls at that moment so that he would never be able to get her pregnant despite his decision.
She chose not to say anything at all.
"I am pretty sure that our bedroom remains our bedroom."
'WHAT?'
"And the hallways, we need to redecorate it."
Qian Meng looked at her husband as she sucked in a sharp lungful of air. He couldn't be discussing redecoration at a moment like that, right?
"And I am thinking of flipping the rest of the first floor and adding a bedroom downstairs."
Clearly, this was some sick joke.
"I feel like it would make much more sense if the baby had a room downstairs."
'What?'
Silence stretched on for what felt like whatever as she tried to connect the dots.
"I mean… at least for the first year."
"I…"
"What do you think?"
Think? Her brain was out of order. It took her a solid two minutes to remember how to use her tongue. He waited patiently with a satisfied grin.
"Are you really saying what I think you are saying?"
"About changing the floor plan? I know it is last minute, but…"
"Qingchen, stop!" Her tone was harsh. "This isn't a joke. This is serious."
His smile faded as he slipped his hand in his pockets. He finally knelt down beside her. "This is the single most important thing to me. Your happiness. That's all I want. Whatever it takes."
His words made her swoon, but it felt wrong. "Qingchen… no…" Then she grew angry.
"No?" He was clearly puzzled. "What do you mean, 'no'?"
"You can't have a baby with me because you want to make me happy. That's… You can't do that! I can't do that. I won't. I won't have kids you don't want just so you can end up bitter and resentful in the future."
His eyes widened in bewilderment.
"When did I say I didn't want kids?"
"You didn't have to, QIngchen. That's what you have been wrestling with this whole time."
"Don't do that. Don't make an assumption like that. That's not fair."
"Well, it's unfair to me!" The tears came fast and hard. "You can't tell me everything I want to hear to placate me."
He calmed her down, speaking softly. "That's not what this is."
"You said yourself that you wanted me happy."
"And that's wrong? What you want is what I want." She wasn't buying it. "It's one and the same. That is what I am trying to tell you."
"Then why all the indecision?" she demanded.
"Because I am fucking scared!" She jumped, startled. "I knew from the very beginning that I wanted kids with you, the moment you felt relief when looking at your gynaecology reports. But when you asked me, I fucking hesitated."
It felt good to get an unfiltered reaction from him. "To be honest, I was scared because I don't know how to be somebody's dad."
"Qingchen—"
"The only fathers I have seen where shitty and abusive. I don't want to be that, Qian Meng."
"The thought of being a parent is scary as hell. Not being what your parents were is hard…" Qian Meng admitted.
"But you know what I have now that I can't pass up?" Mo Qingchen asked.
"Me?"
He nodded. "The thought of being a parent was scary as hell, but while I was conflicted, I spent most of my time preparing for the baby than I did thinking about if I wanted a child. I want a family with you. I subconsciously knew that we would figure it out together. We always do."
Qian Meng smiled and wrapped her hands around his wrist.
"Yes, we do." She stared up at him as his thumbs brushed away her tears. "But I need you to be sure about this, Qingchen."
"I am sure."
"How do you know you won't get scared and change your mind?" she challenged.
He flashed her a smile so bright that it dimmed the stars above. "Because when I look at you… I am not afraid of anything."
And then he kissed her right there.
When he pulled away, he said one thing. "We need to go see a doctor and start working on the renovation of the house. It's going to be hectic. Are you up for a fight, baby?" he asked.
Qian Meng grinned with watery eyes. "With you by my side? Always."
This 𝓬ontent is taken from f(r)eeweb(n)ovel.𝒄𝒐𝙢