Chapter 303: I Am Broken
He waited for her to continue.
"And I just used you and threw you aside." She took in another deep breath. "Actually, I really wanted you to come and I said that you shouldn't because… because I didn't want you to be around me when you didn't think of me the way I think of you."
"How do you know I don't feel the same way?" he asked. "How do you think of me? Why don't we talk about it?"
"I don't know how I see you yet, but I just know what I think about you a lot," she responded. "But I am also confused. Is this normal? Is this mutual? Shouldn't I be more scared? Shouldn't it hurt more? That everything I know… my personal safety and my company are on the line… but I am just okay… with you."
Mo Qingchen stood up from where he sat and walked around the table to sit in the chair next to her, turning it to face her.
"Qian Meng, I know it is not clear to you now, but that is a good thing. When you live your life to the fullest, the fear decreases. The sadness decreases. Your company had a loss, it's not new. It happens all the time. It's okay to not be scared and sad with me. It's perfectly normal." He placed a hand on her leg reassuringly.
"I know… Just… Everything looks the same but none of it feels the same," she acknowledged.
"I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it's a good thing. You know that."
She did know that.
Mo Qingchen… he knew the right things to say. It was always on point. In fact, it was obvious that he empathized with her. He had been scared too, and now she knew why.
"It's a good thing," she repeated after him.
There was a short silence.
"Qian Meng?" he spoke up again.
"Hm?" She looked up.
"You're overwhelmed with everything being thrown at you and a little bit by something threatening you. But what are you really scared of? Why are you so scared of it?" he asked openly.
He saw as Qian Meng's demeanor changed. She looked caught off-guard by his question. Her whole body stiffened.
"I need some time to think. I know that you want to related to me, but I want some time to think about it."
Mo Qingchen looked at her for a long while. He had expected some kind of response and he got it. He could see the conflict on her face. He knew that she wanted to tell him. What it was? He didn't have a clear idea.
"I'll wait for you to make a decision," he swore. "I won't push you." There was a firmness in his voice that reassured her.
"Thank you," she whispered.
Mo Qingchen went back to his seat and continued to eat. She watched him for a while before eating the food herself.
Qian Meng remembered back to the time when she had accepted that they were hopeless. That she would never know Mo Qingchen's secrets or when she was sure he didn't like her apart from the contract and the sex. She was sure he was never going to give her leeway. But he had.
He had given her a nugget of information that revealed a new side of him to her.
She could do the same.
Open and honest.
Qian Meng wiped her mouth once she was done eating and stood up. "I'll go take a shower in the room. Come up slowly," she said quickly.
She had to make a decision.
He hummed in agreement and watched her leave. She knew that the bodyguard was trailing behind her and made sure that it was indeed him.
"Ma'am. I have already checked the room while you were having your meal with Mr. Mo. I will be waiting outside," he said without much emotion.
"Thank you," Qian Meng murmured as she unlocked the door.
As she walked into the foreign bedroom, her eyes narrowed in on the bed. The last time she had been on a bed, she had made love to her husband. And then she decided to come to Hong Kong without him.
Coward.
But she thanked God that Mo Qingchen hadn't allowed her to make the wrong choice.
She took a long, hot shower and then put on some comfortable clothes. She didn't notice him in the changing room at first. It was only when she walked out towards the private little pool that she saw him. He was dipping inside the heated pool, his face turned upwards towards the open sky.
And suddenly, she understood what he had meant. She wasn't within his view yet but she wanted to talk to him. It was time.
"Mo Qingchen," she called. His eyes opened immediately and he looked at her.
"Yeah?" he answered.
"Can I join you?" she asked.
Mo Qingchen hesitated for a moment before slowly nodding.
He was breathtakingly beautiful, as usual. The water-dispersed over his chest, making him shimmer. His hair was tousled, indicating that he had been raking his fingers through it; something he did when he was worried.
Qian Meng kicked off her slippers so that she could sit down on the edge with her feet in the water. She didn't really look at him, at his face until she was sure of what she was going to say.
She didn't even notice how her eyes watered.
"Qian Meng? What's wrong?"
She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I've been crying too much lately," she admitted. And then she became silent for a little longer. "I don't know if I have ever been hurt in a relationship, Qingchen. I think… I think I am broken."
Mo Qingchen sucked in a deep breath and then started to cough in surprise. It was the last thing he was expecting her to say. It took him a few moments to catch his breath.
"You what?"
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