Chapter 298: You Make Me A Good Person
She nodded. "I think it scares us because we are being sincere to one another. Because we are truly husband and wife."
He looked away from her then, contemplating on the new nugget of information.
"We need to stop being scared. We care about each other. That much is known to us. It's natural. We live together, we hang out together, and we have amazing sex. We would have to be rocks to not care about each other."
Mo Qingchen hummed. "I thought I was emotionally void."
"Did you really believe that? I thought… deep down… you knew that you were capable of it."
"Yes," he responded firmly.
"It does feel a little sad," she agreed.
"It is sad. At least… At least I can give you this much. If not love, at least I can care for you enough."
She paused.
She watched him, her best friend, as he stared at the wall behind her. He looked so thoughtful and vulnerable. He always had such high walls surrounding him that in the midst of her tragedy, she had the feeling that he was letting them down at least a little bit.
She wondered if her own vulnerability was contagious. Maybe, she had her walls up too and he was only bouncing off on them. He wouldn't always be this way, right?
She knew she would miss him when she was in Hong Kong. She wasn't sure how she felt about him coming with her, though. Undoubtedly, it would be helpful to have his support, but she didn't want to be a burden to him.
That wouldn't be fair to him. He was a busy man with enough on his plate already without having her stuff added onto it.
"You look lost. What are you thinking about?" he asked.
Only then did she realize that her gaze had shifted to the water and Mo Qingchen was watching her.
"I was thinking about your offer to come with me to Hong Kong."
"Have you made a decision yet?" he wondered.
"I don't know. It's just really sweet of you to offer."
He shrugged. "I have a feeling you would do the same for me."
Qian Meng contemplated that. Would she? She really wouldn't know until such a situation popped up. They said that people showed their true colors amidst difficult times, and Qian Meng liked to think that Mo Qingchen was being sincere towards her in her difficult times.
She sat up and pulled her legs back so that she could rest on her knees. Water sloshed a little and Mo Qingchen watched her curiously as she maneuvered to be able to lay down on top of him. She placed herself with one of his legs between hers, her chest against his and her head tucked into his neck.
It felt good to have him against her. She felt safe there. Her heart felt safe there, as well.
"You're a good person. You have a good heart. You're not emotionless," she told him.
She wanted to tell him that she recognized his loyalty to her, but before the words could meet her lips, Bai Ye Qing's face popped into her mind.
Mo Qingchen put an arm around her and combed his fingers through the ends of her wet hair.
"You make me want to be a good person."
And there it was. It was almost a whisper in the darkness but it was more than enough to penetrate her and caress her heart.
She pushed herself up and onto her side a little more to look at him. She tried to picture the softened look in his eyes.
She shook her head at him as she lifted a hand to the back of his neck.
"You were always this person, Mo Qingchen. You are just too afraid to let anyone see you. The person you are on the inside underneath all the control and anger. It's you."
His chest rose and fell more deeply against her, matching the intensity of his eyes.
"You're the only person that I want to know the real me, Qian Meng."
She believed him, and his words helped banish her thoughts of Bai Ye Qing. He might haunt her dreams, but she had gotten to see Mo Qingchen. So often, she was frustrated by the feeling that she didn't know Mo Qingchen at all, that all the secrets he kept from her would come to strangle her while she laid helpless in the darkness.
But she heard what he was saying. He wanted to let her in. He wanted her to see him as a man unlike others.
There were a lot of things that she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him that he could trust her. That she wanted to trust him and let him in, too. She wanted to tell him that she was grateful for marrying him in this lifetime.
But instead, she kissed him.
She kissed him slowly, with her eyes open. He was still for a moment, but then his lips began to move against her in perfect harmony. She watched his eyebrows pull together as he pulled her closer to him until her breasts were pressed firmly against his naked chest.
They stayed like that, kissing languidly until he began to harden against her hip.
He broke away just enough to speak, their foreheads still touching.
"Sorry." His breath came out as a shudder.
"It's okay."
He shifted her ever so slightly so that she was no longer in contact with his erection. And although she understood why, she couldn't help but feel a little sad at the loss of touch.
She settled back against his side, her face in his neck and her eyes closed.
She didn't consider herself a clingy person, but she felt reluctant to let him go. Maybe this was what normal spouses did. She was trying to take comfort from her husband.
She didn't know how long they stayed like that. In silence. It was probably as long as it took for the water to cool because neither of them spoke until she shivered.
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