192 I have always loved you
She entered his kitchen and opened the fridge and gulped ice cold water immediately for she was feeling all hot and flushed.
"What is wrong with you Katherine? How can you get such weird thoughts in your head?", she mumbled and cursed herself while pacing in the kitchen.
She took deep breaths but still couldn't forget his image. His naked chest was all that she could think of.
So she decided to cook something up so as to divert her attention. She felt like she was teleported back to the college days when she used to have a big-time crush on him. She used to make time for almost all of his tennis matches and used to totally fan-girl him, not that he was aware of it. He was in a good shape back then and even now, so much so that it was enough to make her jaws drop.
So she shook her head and picked up bread and eggs from the fridge and decided to make some french toasts for herself and Shawn.
10-15 minutes later, she heard his footsteps and knew that he was coming down to the kitchen.
She turned back and took a sigh of relief to see him fully clothed, for her mind was already tired of going all haywire.
"I made some toast. Grab some", she said without looking into his eyes.
He picked a plate and helped himself, but didn't start to eat till she was done making a portion for herself.
They sat on the breakfast counter and ate silently, for neither of them wanted to break the shackles of silence that had surrounded them.
"You got some ketchup in your mouth !!!"
"What?"
Before she could even ask or understand, his thumb swiftly brushed the corner of her lips and wiped away the ketchup and then he licked his own thumb and continued eating all nonchalantly as if nothing had happened.
But the world for her stopped like someone had hit a pause button.
"Eat Katherine !!! Else we will be late", he said and continued eating but she got up instantly and said,
"I need to go !!!"
"What happened? What did I do?"
"I need to go home now, please".
She said with her throat almost choking up.
He came close to her and gently touched her arm and asked,
"What happened? Tell me. Did I do something wrong?"
She looked up at him and said,
"I can't take this anymore. This... this whole thing. It was never your fault. It was all my fault. All mine", she said and stormed to the living room to get her purse, but when she turned back she saw his towering self blocking her path.
"That day I let you go without you giving me the answers because Kate was there, but today I am not letting you go. I need to Katherine. Why you have to run away from me? That day back in college and today again. All you do is to run away from me. If I didn't do anything wrong then tell me why you have to avoid me? Its been eight years Kat. Don't you think, I deserve to get an answer now?".
"I am not giving any answers to anyone right now. Just let me go".
But Shawn blocked her hand and took a deep breath and asked.
"Fine, I am not asking about the things that had happened in the past. But I am asking about the things that you said to me at the City center yesterday night. Were they all fake?"
"Obviously it was. Even you kissed on my head and said that you loved me. Which I know was not real", she retorted back.
He released her hand and stood there silently for a while for her words had hurt him deeply. Because she had no idea how madly and deeply he was still in love with her. He stood there looking into her eyes which currently detested her and said,
"You told me to speak from your heart and I did".
She looked up with nothing but surprise-filled in her eyes.
"None of it was fake Katherine. I have always loved you. From Day 1 when I first met you till the date you completely cut me off after our graduation. Maybe you didn't have any place in your heart to give to me, but my whole heart was yours, even now".
He said and stormed up to his bedroom for he didn't want to face her anymore or to be answerable to her questions.
His words still echoed inside her head.
"He loved me... He loved me...", she blabbered and then went upstairs running after him.
She entered his bedroom and saw him sitting on the bed with his hands supporting his forehead.
"Then why did you let me go?", she asked but he sat there and didn't reply a word.
She came forward and knelt in front of him.
"Why did you let me go? Why didn't you tell me you loved me? Do you have any idea how I have survived by myself all these years? Do you even know how much it hurts to feel like a reject all the time?"
"But why would care about it now Katherine? Why now?"
"You were in love with Trent. What did you expect me to say? Don't go out with him? Don't date him because I like you?"
"Did you expect me to say that Katherine?"
"Did you expect me to stop you from marrying him when you looked so happy after he proposed you?"
"Did you expect me to come to your marriage and say I OBJECT?"
"Did you expect me to tell you to divorce him and come back to me?"
"Yes, I did !!!"
Shawn looked at her in surprise.
"Because I liked you, Shawn. You were the only person about whom I thought day and night in college. I was head over heels in love with you Shawn, not that it matters anymore now".
"I just needed one hint from you and I would have left the world for you. I was clueless Shawn for I never thought that you could think of me as anything more than a friend".
"I tried hard to be your type. I tried hard to get all your attention. I even tried to flirt with Trent to make you jealous but you...."
"You asked me to go ahead with him and I did. And look what a mess of my life I have made Shawn. Look at what I have become".
She said and turned back to leave the room. But before she could even take a step out of the room she felt his stong arms wrapped around her waist and in no time and he pulled her towards himself.
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