110 I cannot be someone's second
There next morning she woke up and felt like her heart was in her mouth. Sitting on her bed, she started thinking of ways to toughen and harden her heart to be able to bear seeing Raymond in office for the morning status meeting. She checked her phone, but there were no messages from Raymond, but she saw 23 missed calls from Katherine. She wanted to call her back but then refrained herself because there was no point discussing anything any further.
With a heavy heart, she opened the laptop and started pouring her thoughts into her blog again. The blog post that she wrote the day before had two comments as well, but she was oblivious to everything around her that she didn't even bother to read them or reply to them. She dragged herself to get ready and left for office.
Upon reaching office she got to know that the status meeting had been canceled. Even though she was dreading the meeting, when she heard about it being canceled she felt weird, like a pit in her stomach was enlarging. She couldn't understand why she was having all those thoughts which were at the extremes. She shook her head and decided to focus on her work but then she heard Kirk,
"Yo big news, Scarlett is back!!! That's why our meeting has been canceled".
"What?", many exclaimed.
"Yeah, anyways I am happy. Anything that takes the edge of that guy makes me happy", Kirk said and chuckled.
"Yeah man. Finally, I will be able to see that guy happy", Simon said and sighed.
All the resolve that she had summoned in her heart broke at an instant after hearing them speak. She didn't cry yesterday but today after she heard them it felt like it was happening for real.
"Why I couldn't be the one to keep you happy Raymond?", she thought and ran towards the washroom to hide her tears before they revealed the entire world about how she felt.
But she didn't realize and bumped into someone in front.
"I am sorry. I really am", she said and with her head hung low and started to walk away.
"Not this time", he said and dragged her holding her hand.
She lifted her head up and saw Raymond holding her hand and taking her towards his office.
"Leave me Raymond", she said trying to struggle out from his grip.
"Don't force me to make a scene", he said and pulled her hand.
Once they entered the office he locked the main door immediately and after that only he released her from his grip.
"What are you trying to do Mr. Raymond? This is unacceptable. I can complain to the HR about this", Akira yelled and released her hand out of his grip in one shot.
"Go ahead !!!", he said calmly looking at her. He knew he had to take it all, her anger, her hatred, her bitterness. After all, he had tormented her to death.
"But before you take one step outside I would like to know a couple of answers", he said and looked deep into her eyes.
"I am not answerable to you", she retorted.
"Yes you are", he said and inched closer.
"Why did you disconnect my call yesterday?", Raymond asked.
"Because I thought I was done listening to you", she said
"But I wasn't done talking. You didn't even give me time to explain myself Akira. First, hear me out. Why are you punishing yourself like this and why are you punishing me?", he said softly and ran his fingers on her cheeks trying to comfort her.
The concrete structures of resolve and determination started dissolving inside her like they were made of candies.
"Raymond don't", she replied meekly.
"Why Akira? I never knew that she faked that abortion just to get into that reality show. I never knew that she still loved me and loved my child. I hated her because I thought she killed my child and now that I know that she hasn't, how can I turn my face away from my responsibilities Akira. I cannot be a bad father Akira, not after when my dad..." and his voice trailed off all chocked.
She looked into his eyes and could feel the intense pain that he was going through. It was really not his fault. He was torn between duties and desire and he was failing miserably in keeping up with both.
"I am not misunderstanding you or anything Raymond. You have a child to take care of and I am the non-required fling here. I cannot be someone who wrecks someone else's home, Raymond. I cannot", she said and took Raymonds' hand in hers.
But then she saw the bruises all over his knuckles and the bluish colour of his skin.
"What happened?", she asked caressing and running her fingers softly. She forgot everything seeing his bruises.
"Nothing!!! he said and retracted his hand back from her palm.
"How is it nothing?", she asked and took his hand back forcibly into hers.
She looked at his bruise with tears in her eyes and asked him,
"Does it hurt?"
If only he could tell how much those words meant to him.
"Yes it does", he replied looking into her eyes and paused.
"But not there, it hurts here", he said and took her palm and kept on his chest.
They both looked deeply into the eyes of each other understanding each other's pain and predicament. Tears started rolling down her eyes and she crumpled into pieces. She couldn't take it anymore and kneeled on the ground.
She hugged his leg and said,
"Yesterday I thought I would never get to say this to you, but I can't stand it not telling you. I LOVE YOU, Raymond. I love you with all my heart. And because I love you I can't see you like this. If you have ever loved me or thought about me even once then promise me that you will be a good father. promise me that you will take care of your child and Scarlett. Promise me, Raymond, that you will forget us".
Tears were rolling down without any control from her eyes and every single word of hers was tormenting his heart more and more. The day she told she loved him was the day she wanted to leave him. Irony !!!
"What are you asking Akira? What about me? What about I want?', Raymond asked lifting her chin up.
"You want this Raymond, you just don't know it yet", she said.
He couldn't bear it anymore and kneeled on the floor to her side.
"Is it that easy for you to forget me Akira?", he asked.
"Easy?", she chuckled.
"I am conjuring all my strength to be able to do this Raymond", she said.
"Then don't do it", he pleaded.
"It's not something that I want to. Its something that I have to do Raymond".
She wiped away her tears and then raised her hand to wipe away the moisture in the corner of his eyes. Her lips moved closer to him, badly wanting to kiss him for one last time, but she refrained.
She took a deep breath and said,
"I cannot be someone's second".
Then without even waiting for a response from him she got up and walked away.
He kept looking in her direction and watched her frail figure disappear through the door.
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