"How did you do it?" Bai Ye's eyes widened with amazement.
I hadn't expected what I did to be so astonishing that even he couldn't see through it immediately. I should probably feel proud of myself, but now wasn't the time. "Let me down!" I yelped instead. The most important thing at the moment was to stop making his injuries worse.
He obliged with a sigh. "You weigh nothing, Qing-er. I can carry you all day and—"
"You said to wait until we're in a safe place to treat your wounds." I didn't give him more chances to find a new excuse. "We are safe now, right? Will you let me put medicine on for you now?"
"I already bandaged it—"
"That's far from enough! Especially with the heat and humidity, it will get infected too easily.. We need to go back to the creek, and I'll clean it for you thoroughly before putting the healing paste on." I wished more than ever that we could find the tuber fleece flower sooner. Treatment would be a lot more convenient if we were back at Mount Hua.
He looked like he wanted to protest further, but I gripped the sash on his waist and started yanking him forward. "I'll make you do it if I have to." I gritted my teeth. He could be such a stubborn man sometimes.
Another sigh drifted into my ears as I started making our way towards the creek. "I wish you would remember once in a while that I'm still your master," he whined, though he followed on without slowing me down.
I felt a smile curling my lips. Well, disrespectful as I might've become, maybe I did enjoy having this power over him.
~ ~
Bai Ye didn't give up. After we arrived at the creek, he tried again and suggested that I go look for the tuber fleece flower while he treats his own wounds so that we could return faster. An almost reasonable idea, though I knew what he really was thinking. "If you keep trying to send me away and not let me see it," I said, "I would simply have to believe your injury is so bad that we have to return immediately, without finding the herbs."
He resigned then. When I fetched a clean shirt from my pack and wetted it in the water, I needed only to dart him a glance before he defeatedly took off his robe and removed the bandages.
I had prepared myself many times over already, but when I saw the sight hidden beneath the garments, I still shuddered so hard that the shirt almost fell out of my hands. The claw marks stretched from his left shoulder blade to his right ribs, so wide and deep that I could see his bones. The bites on his shoulders were two gaping holes the size of my thumb on each side, filled with a puddle of blood. A long crack was ripped through his flesh on one side, but thank heavens, the beast didn't manage to tear it off. Its canines must've sunk into his bones and stopped it from pulling any further.
My eyes misted, and I felt as if those claws and teeth just sank into my heart. This should've been me, yet …
He noticed my silence. "It's alright, Qing-er." He turned his head back slightly and smiled. "A man can take at least this much. I've had many injuries in the past that were worse than these."
"Does it hurt?" I asked, not knowing what I was saying until the words were out of my mouth. Of course it did … What kind of stupid question was this?
"It's fine. Treat it like any typical cut."
This was far from any typical cut, but of course he would say that. I bit my lips and managed a small nod, willing my trembling hands to get to work. I dipped the shirt back into the creek, planning to drip the water over his wounds for a rinse, but when I brought the towel over his skin, the thought of how much pain the rinsing would cause him terrified me, and I couldn't bring myself to do it.
He sighed at my hesitation. "Told you I should do this myself," he said and reached for the cloth in my hand.
"N-No!" I stopped him. Doing it himself backhanded without being able to see would only hurt more. I bit my lips again, and I forced myself to move, raising the shirt and wrung it over him. Water dripped over his shoulder, washing a trail of scarlet down his back.
I watched his expression carefully, thinking that I'd stop immediately if he winced. But he looked relaxed with his eyes closed, as if he was simply enjoying a bath.
I took a deep breath and continued. At least the cold water should help dull the pain. As I kept dipping the shirt back into the creek and wringing it, the blood on his skin slowly washed away, and the wound became more visible. My eyes blurred again when I saw the ragged, torn-up edges of those cuts running deep into his flesh.
"Bai … Bai Ye." I fought my quavering voice to speak. "There's … too much stone dust stuck inside these cuts. I'll have to … I'll have to rub it out with the cloth."
Just the bare thought of it made me flinch. This wasn't the first time that I treated a bad injury, but I had never imagined that I would ever have to do this for him. How could I bear inflicting such pain onto the man I loved?
He only chuckled though, as if I just said something silly. "Stop thinking of me as a wimp. Do whatever you need to do, and if you can't, let me do it myself."
I wouldn't let him do it himself, so I willed my hands to steady and brought the cloth to the claw marks first. I wiped around the cuts, cleaning out the dirt stuck to his skin under dried blood, then slowly moved to the edge of the marks and cleansed it as gently as I could. But when it was time to get into the flesh sliced all the way open to the white of his shoulder blade, where more blood was still seeping through …
I stopped. I couldn't do it.
Reason told me that as he said, he was a swordsman, and injuries weren't new to him. He could take this. But the thought of this pain still shredded my heart. I touched my other hand to the side of those terrifying marks, brushing over the part of his skin that was still smooth and intact. He should've stayed that way if not for me. "Bai Ye," I whispered. "I'm sorry … I …"
He twitched a little at my fingertip. I started, and my hand snatched back. "Did I hurt you?" I asked, unsure if I had pressed onto a muscle that was connected to his wound.
"N-No," he said. His voice was slightly hoarse. "Just … don't touch me like that, Qing-er."
It took me a while to understand what he meant, and I only figured it out from that familiar, suppressed tone and the sudden change of rhythm in his breathing. He … He was …
I was speechless. Covered in blood and cuts deep down to the bone, how could he be thinking about … that?
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