There was no question that I wouldn't let him go on this trip alone and avoid me further. After finishing the brew and cleaning up the kitchen, I was about to start packing and get ready for an early night's sleep when I realized that … he hadn't told me where he was going.
How could I pack without knowing what was needed for the destination? He really didn't expect me to want to join him on the trip at all, did he?
I sighed. It was rare to see Bai Ye's insecure side like this. But whether or not he expected it, I was going, and I'd convince him if I had to. I stepped out of my room, crossed the garden, and was rounding the corner to his room when I saw him sitting on the long bench by the corridor, staring into the moonless sky.
My steps halted.
He heard me and looked my way. "Do you need help with anything?" he asked.
I fought back a wince. He never talked to me like this. Courteous and straight to the point, like any other master to their disciple, but utterly unlike him to me.
I padded over and sat down next to him. "You didn't tell me where you're going tomorrow," I said. "What should I pack?"
He looked at me as if what I just said made no sense. "You want to come?" he asked.
I nodded. "I've almost forgotten what it's like to search for herbs in the wild. If I need to make a decision on which path to choose in the future, I'll have to remember what medicine training feels like."
That wasn't the only reason I wanted to go, of course, but that was the easiest to persuade him with. As I expected, his expression slowly relaxed. "The Misty Mountains," he said after some time. "It's farther in the south and stays in summer weather most of the year, which would help with finding herbs that have gone out of season here. I'll pack extra healing medicines and supplies for you. Just bring at least one change of clothes for yourself."
My mind eased at his acceptance of my company, though what he said last made me blink. "Change of clothes?" I couldn't remember when was the last time that I had packed clothes for a trip. Those had been deemed unnecessary the day I learned how to use cleansing spells.
"There are guardian beasts at ancient mountain ranges like this," he explained. "It will make things easier if we avoid using spells while within their territory. Fluctuation of spiritual power could draw them to us. Although they aren't difficult to kill, these beasts help sustain the balance of power in their area and are usually harmless to people, so it'd be best if we can avoid hurting them."
A touch of warmth fluttered in my heart. This was the Bai Ye I knew—vengeful to his enemies, but kind and thoughtful to those who deserved his care, even when it came to innocent guardian beasts.
It was too hard to believe that someone like him could … do all that in the past with Twin Stars.
"Should I bring Twin Stars?" The thought reminded me. "Would its power draw these beasts to us as well?"
He hesitated a bit awkwardly. "These beasts aren't attracted to yin power like the demons at East Village. The swords are safe, but if you have doubts … just leave them here, and I will seal them in my vault while we're away."
There, he was taking my question the wrong way again. I sighed inwardly. "Why should I have doubts?" I asked. "Bai Ye, did you think that what you told me the other day … would make me not trust you anymore?"
Silence stretched between us, hanging heavy in the darkness. He looked up into the black expanse of the sky again, avoiding my gaze. "Does it not?" he asked almost inaudibly.
I shook my head. "I know who you are. What happened before doesn't make you a different person from the one that I spent the past five years with." I laid my hand on the bench, resting on top of his. I noticed his slight flinch, but I didn't back away. "Do you remember what you told me the day I made that scene with Zhong Yilan? You said you hoped I could think of you as someone to rely on in times of need, instead of someone to criticize me for my mistakes. Can you think of me that way as well?"
I paused for a moment, choosing my words carefully. "I won't judge you, and I want to share your burdens with you if you let me. If you regret those mistakes, I'll repent with you. If there are ways to mend them, I'll atone for it with you. If there are punishments, I'll—"
"Qing-er." He stopped me. He still didn't look at me, but he turned his hand and laced his fingers through mine. "Don't say that again, please. This has nothing to do with you."
That desolate tone had returned to his voice. My heart clenched at how stubbornly he was still trying to keep me out of this, but the warmth of his hand clasped around mine betrayed him. I knew that despite everything he feared, he wanted my faith in him. "How could this have nothing to do with me?" I said. "You help me with all my troubles like they are your own. Why won't you believe that I can do the same for you?"
I reached out and cupped his cheeks with my hands, making him turn towards me. He finally looked at me then, and I almost trembled at all the overwhelming emotions in his eyes.
"You are the most important person in my life, Bai Ye," I breathed. "Nothing will ever change that. I will always stay by your side, no matter the past and no matter what might come in the future."
Under his dark, unfathomable gaze, I leaned in and brushed my lips over his.
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