Needless to say, it was a sleepless night for me, and likely the same for Bai Ye as well.
Alone in the silence and stillness of the night, I was able to think through everything more clearly now. I stared at the canopy over my bed, wondering idly if I would start to hallucinate once I grew sleepy enough, and if the scenes of the past would appear in front of me on that blank screen.
My conscience told me that my earlier reaction was wrong. Innocent lives were lost, and nothing could justify this part of Mount Hua's history being rewritten and buried into the past. The dead deserved a better answer, and whoever brought this bloodbath should've been punished.
But another part of me fought that thought desperately. Death was not an unfamiliar concept to cultivators. When we swore to devote our lives to the path of seeking our awakening, we prepared ourselves for those sacrifices. There were risks in every step of training, danger in every encounter with demons and enemies alike. Even in tournaments, accidental injuries weren't unheard of, and some of them had been fatal.
Even though I knew that this was different. These victims shouldn't have been involved, and they weren't prepared for it. This … was manslaughter.
I shuddered. No, Bai Ye hadn't intended any of this. It wasn't his fault. Demonic swords were known to affect their users to the extent that was beyond their control …
But how did it happen if he was never bound to Twin Stars? Without that connection, he shouldn't have lost his mind completely under the swords' influence. And if he had truly learned the danger of that power after the fact, why didn't he destroy the swords like the Gatekeeper said, so that there would be no chance of the same tragedy happening again?
I tossed in bed uneasily. I didn't want to doubt him, and I had meant it when I said that my feelings for him wouldn't change no matter the truth. But what if those answers turn out to be too much for my conscience to bear?
~ ~
The rest of the tournament went by all too quickly. The rumors of me using a demonic sword spread fast, and people started darting fearful glances at me whenever I passed. I ignored them, trying to focus fully on my matches and not think too much about anything else.
My challenge against Wen Shiyin was considered canceled, and I got a good draw for the matchup rounds based on my tie with Xie Lun. After a few days of busy sparring, I ended up with almost a streak of wins, with only a few ties and no losses.
Which meant that I might end up on the list of disciples to visit Jade Temple. As long as the Gatekeeper didn't intentionally cross me off.
However, when I returned to my room at the end of my last round, I wasn't so sure if I still wanted this opportunity anymore. The past legends of Twin Stars hung heavy in my mind, haunting me like a dark shadow that followed too closely everywhere I went. I was hesitant to continue using the swords, and I was yet to decide whether to switch my focus back to medicine. The trip would only delay that decision for another couple of months.
My thoughts jumbled while I gathered my items in the kitchen and started preparing my brew for the day. Steam rose from the pot, blurring everything in front of me with a thick haze. How ironic that just a few days ago, I had thought that I had finally learned how to follow my heart and pursue my own goals, yet now here I was, wondering if I would ever see my true path again through the mist.
"Qing-er."
Bai Ye's voice snapped me out of my musings, and I stood up so abruptly that I almost tipped over the boiling pot. It was only natural that I was surprised though—we had barely talked after that evening. I wanted to blame it on the busy tournament schedule, but I knew that wasn't the real reason.
He didn't step into my room like usual, only standing across the threshold when he cleared his throat a bit hesitantly. "Sorry to startle you," he said. "I'm … leaving tomorrow morning to search for some more herbs."
I looked at him in surprise. "I thought you had let go of whatever you were looking for," I said, recalling what he had told me at East Village.
"I have. This is just to find replacements for the snow lotus, since it'll probably be used up soon." He paused for a moment. "And what I had been looking for before … wasn't for awakening Twin Stars, if that is what you're thinking."
I winced. That wasn't what I was thinking at all, and something deep inside me pained at the cautiousness in his tone. Was this why he was afraid to tell me the truth about the swords? Because he thought that my trust in him was so flimsy?
"If you want to come along …" he continued, "you can meet me at dawn. Otherwise, I'll be back within a week."
That was the simplest farewell he had ever said to me. I nodded a bit numbly, and he left without another word.
Staring blankly into the boiling pot, I felt at a loss. Bai Ye had already been acting a little off ever since I saw that vision, and now, things had taken yet another drastic turn. Even though I had tried my best to show him that I wasn't frightened by whatever he told me, he was still avoiding me, and somehow I felt that the more I learned, the less I understood about this puzzle.
But one thing I did understand: I couldn't let doubt fester between us.. The questions in my mind still needed answers, but before I got them, I wasn't going to sit back and watch this ruin everything we had.
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