I should've kissed him. Because the next day … my menses were upon me, and the last thing I wanted to do was to get too close to him and be tempted with what I couldn't have.
I hid in my room after a brief morning practice, half to stay out of his sight and half because I wasn't feeling well enough to keep moving. I had rarely felt pain before during these days of the month, but this time was a lot worse than usual. I wondered a little embarrassedly if it was because of all the time we spent in bed.
The season was finally changing, and I propped my windows open, letting the crisp autumn air fill the room. The cool weather was perfect for brewing—even with the fire crackling in my small kitchen and the pot simmering above it, I didn't feel hot. In fact, the heat was unexpectedly welcoming, and I reached my hands over the steam, rubbing my fingers to warm them.
My old stockpile of herbs was running low, I thought as I stared idly into the bubbling pot. I couldn't visit the back mountains while under confinement, and the tournament was still over a week away. If my supplies ran out before then …
"Qing-er," Bai Ye's familiar voice rang from the doorway. He lifted the curtains and entered with a basket. "I thought you might need some more of these."
He dropped the basket in front of me. An assortment of herbs lay inside, fresh and still glistening with morning dew. I looked at him. "You picked these for me?"
"Check if it's everything you need … I guessed your ingredients by the smell of your brewing. It may not have been completely correct."
I stirred the neatly piled herbs. The young leaves and roots were soft under my fingertips, their earthy scent filling my nostrils with a lingering coolness. "This is all of it," I said, and I felt something tickling and fluttering inside me. Bai Ye was always so thoughtful. "Thank you. I didn't expect …"
He smiled. "I ordered you to stay inside. Helping you get what you need is the least I can do to make up for it."
I lowered my head, resisting the urge to look into those caring eyes. I was still debating with myself whether I wanted him to leave or stay when he asked, "Did you practice the meditation technique today? You seem pale again." A warm hand landed on my forehead. "Though your spiritual power is steady," he added with relief.
I jerked slightly, and I wasn't sure if it was from the touch or his observation. "No, I … I'm just not feeling too well … But don't worry, I'm not sick. It's just …" I might've blushed as I searched for an explanation.
He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if he understood what I meant. Then his hand fell onto my shoulder. "Does this help?" he asked, and I felt his spiritual power slowly seeping into me.
The warmth eased my chill, and the dull soreness in my body subsided as the energy flowed through me. I looked up, amazed. "I didn't know you could remove pain this way."
"I wish I could remove pain so easily." He gestured for me to sit. "How much of the snow lotus do you still have left?"
"About half of it," I said. "I've been following the instructions you wrote down in the note." He had told me before that the snow lotus was for alleviating the side effects of my potion. Was it also related to what I was feeling now?
"Double the dosage from now on." He sat down next to me. "Do you remember I told you at East Village that Twin Stars is strong in yin power?"
I nodded. It was hard to forget the swarms of demons it had attracted towards me back then. Knowing the history behind the swords now, everything made sense—yin aggregated around blood and death, and it was only natural that killing blades like Twin Stars would be strong in yin.
"Because of the growing bond between you and the blades, that power has started to affect you, making you more sensitive to cold. During times like this when … your body is more vulnerable, it makes you weaker and your discomfort worse. But this should be temporary, and snow lotus is best known for driving out excess yin. With a double dose, things should return to normal very soon."
I hadn't thought that my sudden episode of pain was because of this. Just another consequence I had brought onto myself then. "I should've told you before trying to rush the meditation," I mumbled.
"It's not because you rushed it." He took my hands and held them in his, warming them with his palms. I tensed a little at the touch, and I tried my best to focus on his words instead of the heat pulsing from his skin. "The goal of that technique … is precisely to strengthen the connection between you and Twin Stars, so that the swords can help to compensate for your spiritual root. What you are feeling right now is an adverse effect that I knew would come."
He finally told me the purpose of that technique then. It didn't sound as astounding as I thought it would. He had already mentioned before that the swords could compensate for my lack of affinity to metal, so why keep it a secret that the point of the meditation was to help with just that?
"But what I didn't know was how well your body suits the power of Twin Stars," he continued. "Your progress is … too much faster than I expected, and I didn't prepare you enough. I'm sorry."
I winced at the self-reproach in his tone. "Please don't apologize," I said. "I'm not that fragile, and I already feel much better than I did when I woke up."
I had meant it as reassurance, but he considered what I said with seriousness. "Is it worse at night?" he asked.
"…"
I knew I blushed. Silly as it might seem, I felt embarrassed talking to him about such a topic. And even though I did expect the pain to make it hard for me to sleep tonight, I didn't want to sound like a wimp by admitting it.
He laughed softly at my lack of reply. "I don't mean to pry … but I wish I could help." He contemplated for a brief moment. "Would you come sleep with me tonight?"
My embarrassment was replaced by astonishment, and I was almost shocked out of my seat. "I—"
"Just to sleep, Qing-er." He squeezed my hands to keep me still. "I promise I won't do anything else. My spiritual power can help you feel better, and there's more than one way to give it to you."
His voice was calm and cool, as if we were only discussing the weather. Just to sleep? He expected me to lie next to him all night, staring into his bewitching eyes, engulfed by his scent and his warmth, doing nothing but … sleep? Was he mad?
Well, if he was mad, then that made two of us.. Because I nodded.
The source of this c𝐨ntent is fre𝒆w(e)bn(o)vel