Chapter 212 – Outsider’s View
Wen Shiyin spoke first. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. But I returned a bit earlier than planned, and it didn't seem like a good idea at the time to step into your conversation."
Well, there went my plan of keeping the details of the truth from her. I smiled a little awkwardly. "It's alright," I said. "I wouldn't have intentionally hid it from you … If not because the masters didn't want the news to spread."
"I won't tell anyone else," she said promptly, "I swear." Then she hesitated a little before adding, "Is it all true? Have you really been expelled from Mount Hua?"
It surprised me a little that this was the first piece of the conversation she thought of confirming. "It is true," I replied. "The excuse I've been telling everyone else is that my master and I have been assigned an errand that might take a very long time to complete. We are leaving at sundown today."
Wen Shiyin opened her mouth, but then she pursed her lips without saying anything. Silence stretched between us, and I wondered if she was trying to hold back the harsh words of judgment—from her attitude towards her own master's actions at Jade Temple, I knew there was no way that she would approve of what happened between Bai Ye and me. I didn't expect everyone to understand us, and I had no interest in trying to change her mind, though I did hope that she wouldn't be misled by Su Nian's accusations of me to think that I had a thing for seducing men. That wouldn't work out nicely for what I was about to explain regarding Xie Lun.
"Senior Wen," I began, finding the situation a bit sticky. "I came looking for you today because—"
"Is he the one you told me about at Jade Temple?" Wen Shiyin suddenly interrupted me. "You told me in our group rounds that you fell in love with someone without knowing his feelings towards you. Was that person … your master?"
It took me a moment to remember that conversation between us. It felt like so long ago. I didn't know why she decided to ask, since she didn't seem like the type of person to enjoy gossip, but I didn't want to lie to her. "It was," I admitted, "and I've found out since then that he had shared the feelings for me all along … Longer than that, in fact. Longer than I ever knew or could have ever imagined."
Wen Shiyin looked perplexed by what I said. "Are you certain that he is sincere with you?" she asked. "I'm sorry if I sound rude, Yun Qing-er. I can tell that you truly care about him, but sometimes it's hard for someone to see things clearly when they are in love. You are not yet nineteen, and your master is one of the eldest immortals here at Mount Hua. I find it difficult to believe that …"
She trailed off, as if worried that the rest of the words would hurt my feelings. I stared at her in amazement. I hadn't expected such a statement—she was actually worried that I might have been tricked into the situation?
"That someone like him would choose someone like me?" I completed the sentence for her.
She hesitated again. "I'm not trying to suggest that you aren't worthy of him. Nor am I trying to judge you. But as much as you might think the rule against romantic relationships between master and disciple is backward and prejudiced, there is a reason for it. Between two people that are already close to each other in other ways, it can be hard to distinguish other feelings from love. I would hate to see you pay such a price for something that turns out to be a mistake in the end."
I had almost forgotten how straightforward Wen Shiyin was in speech—had I been merely my eighteen-year-old self madly in love with my master, I would've probably felt disheartened and hurt by her words—but having grown out of that part of myself two months ago, I understood why she had said what she said, and I couldn't blame her for thinking that way. In fact, had I not known of Bai Ye's entanglements with my past life, I should've considered her words of wisdom more carefully.
"I'm grateful for your concern," I said, and I meant it sincerely. "But things are actually more complicated than that. I can't tell you all the details … Though I can tell you that I'm certain of the feelings we share, and there is no need to worry for me."
She gave me a questioning look. Then she nodded when I returned a confident smile. "If you believe in your decision, then I wish you the best." She paused for a moment. "I apologize on my master's behalf. You didn't deserve the way she spoke of you. Love is not a sin, like you said, and it is not who we are that decides whether or not two people can be together. It is what the heart tells us."
For the second time, she surprised me. "I admit that I didn't expect you to not share your master's opinion," I said. I remembered the embarrassed look on Wen Shiyin's face when Peng Yao made a barbed comment about Su Nian's feelings for Bai Ye. Wen Shiyin clearly didn't seem as open-minded about it back then.
"Because of what happened at Jade Temple?" She smiled, understanding what I was referring to immediately. "That is different … I simply don't believe in using trickeries to obtain what doesn't belong to you. In my view, what is yours will come, and what is not can never be forced."
I blinked. I hadn't expected that from her either—for someone as sharp as Wen Shiyin, that kind of view sounded a bit too passive. "Is that what you believe about Senior Xie?" I asked without thinking. "Is that why you choose to distance yourself from him, even though you can't truly let go of him in your heart?"
She paled at my words.
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