Chapter 150 – The Way To Remember
That longing in his voice stabbed my heart like a knife. I hadn't gone through a retreat myself, and I didn't know what it felt like, but I could tell that whatever he expected tomorrow had been causing him a lot of distress for the past two days. How much of this was from his concern for success, and how much was for leaving me behind?
"Bai Ye," I whispered, "I wish I could do something for you … to help ease your mind a little before you leave. I—"
He lifted a finger over my lips, hushing me. "You're already helping," he said. "It eases my mind to have you here. More than anything else."
I looked up at him. That faint smile was still on the corner of his mouth, and the endless love in his eyes dazed me. We looked at each other just like that for quite a while, until finally, his gaze wavered, slowly traveling down my face. Raising my chin gently, he leaned over, and our lips met.
It was a mere peck, soft like the fluttering of a feather, careful as if he was handling the most fragile porcelain doll. His hand slid behind my neck, his thumb brushing lightly over my cheek. He hadn't kissed me like this in a long time … Was this the way he wanted me to remember it? Because he didn't know when would be the next time he could kiss me again?
A dull ache throbbed through me. I reached up, slipping my fingers through his hair, pressing his lips firmly onto mine. If that was the case … then we'd have to make this one count. I wanted no regrets when I look back at this night while waiting for him in the many more nights to come.
He understood my message. Parting my lips with his tongue, he deepened the kiss, making slow love to my mouth. I savored him. The scent of cedar, the taste of fresh herbs and summer rain, the silky smooth hair under my fingertips, the suppressed but surely burning passion … I savored them all, etching them one by one into my memory.
This was his scent, his taste, his touch. This was the man I loved, and I would never forget a tiny bit of it, no matter how long it might take him to come back.
He shifted me in his arms, lowering me down onto the pillow. His fingers traced along my neck, down to my collar, and with a simple tug, he loosened my nightgown. His lips trailed the same path, planting light kisses down my collarbone, my chest, my stomach. I moaned softly. Keeping my hand threaded in his hair, I followed him as he caressed almost every inch of me with his gentle touch, stirring all the hidden longings and sensations inside me to life.
No one knew my body as well as he did. Not even myself. He had mastered exactly where to skim, where to linger, where to keep teasing until I whimper and writhe beneath him. I let him take his time measuring me, relishing me, and even though neither of us spoke, I knew he was locking every detail of me into his memory as well, along with every sigh and moan.
So I gave them to him, letting the sounds drift free when his kisses traveled further, landing on that most sensitive spot below. His skilled tongue caressed me, sending ripples of heat lapping like a rising tide throughout my body. His hands grazed my thighs, and when I arched my back subconsciously off the bed, they slipped up my waist, holding me from behind.
"Bai Ye …" I whispered, tasting his name alongside the waves of sensation crashing over me. I had already grown too familiar with this feeling, but that didn't stop my body from twitching in tiny trembles with every movement of his lips and tongue. "Bai Ye …" I whispered again, and I heard the word mixed into my moans drifting all around us. I liked it this way. This was the pleasure that only he could give me, and if I were to remember this moment forever, then it had to be this way.
Heat flared higher, blazing slowly yet surely through every fiber of me. When those tiny trembles started growing wild, turning my sighs into disarrayed pants, he stopped. Straightening himself, he shed his night robe and loomed over me again, dropping a light kiss on my neck. The bare touch elicited another moan from my throat. "Qing-er," he breathed, looping an arm behind my back. "Hold me …"
That hard edge had returned to his voice again, just like the way it was at Jade Temple. "Bai Ye?" I winced a little at his unusualness, "You—"
He sought my lips, giving me no more chance to speak as he lowered himself into me, stirring up the sparks inside me once more. I sighed into his mouth. He was more gentle than usual tonight. His thrusts were slower, his kiss softer and more lingering. Only the heat of his breaths told me how much he was holding back. I didn't understand why, but it didn't matter. I loved all the different sides of him, and if this was the way he wanted it, then this would be the way I'd remember it. This would be the way I'd dream of him every night, be it days or weeks or months, until he comes back to me.
I wrapped my arms around him. He didn't need to ask me to hold him—that was all I wanted to do. To hold him, to feel him, to be close as I could to him and make us one and the same.. I chiseled this feeling into my memory, together with the sound of muffled moans and pants filling the hushed night, the waves of pleasure that made us tighten our arms around each other, and the final ecstasy that soon consumed us both.
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