- You seem troubled - he started. - Do you want to talk to somebody?
- If you want more crystals...
- No. You gave me enough - he smiled. - I would like to return the favor if I can, so if you want to talk to somebody, I'm here.
- It's not a conversation I would want to have with a stranger.
- Why not?
- Because I don't know you.
- Does that make me a worse partner for conversation?
- Kinda...
- Wery well then - he turned to leave.
- Wait... Just... Just sit if you want.
And he took the spot Amit was sitting on, and again smiled at me.
- What troubles you? - he asked. - You don't have to say the details if you don't want to, but it's good to talk about things that bother you.
I sighed. I just couldn't believe I'm gonna have a conversation like that with an older guy whom I just met.
- I need to make a decision, and I'm not sure what to do. There is the right thing to do everybody keeps telling me about, but I really don't like it, and the bad thing that for me seems like the better choice, but it might bring trouble.
- Hmm... Why you dislike the right decision? Because it would be difficult?
- No. I dislike it because it seems to be against what I believe in. It just makes me sick. It makes me feel bad about myself.
- Then don't do it. From what you said the decision is obvious. On one hand, you have something that might end badly, but doesn't have to, and on the other, you have something that will for sure and in tragedy. Because that's what self-hate is, tragedy.
- It's more complicated than that.
- From what you said it's not.
- You just don't know the details.
- Then maybe... Maybe we should approach this in a different way? What do you think will happen if you do agree to do the thing everybody is telling you to do?
- I'm scared that I'll lose myself.
- Yes... Losing yourself is indeed scary. So, what's the alternative? What is going to happen if you don't agree?
- Many people might die.
- Then tell me what's more important to you? Lives of those people, or the possibility of losing yourself?
- But what if after losing myself I turn into some kind of a tyrant, and will bring on them an even worse future than death itself?
- Hmm... - he smiled at me. - You are the only one who holds the answer to that question. Are you capable of becoming a tyrant?
- Of course. I would be delusional if I would say no. Isn't it easy to just let go, and do whatever you want without considering if it's good or bad?
- Yes, of course, it is. You see... I've been through a lot in my life - he chuckled for a moment to himself - and I met many people along the way. The most remarkable ones were those who held the power but used it for good, not bad.
- But how can I be sure if I will use it for good when I'm certainly sure I would be able to use it for evil?
- Unfortunately, that's a question you have to find an answer for yourself. I hope I helped, even if just a tiny bit - he smiled again, and stood up, then left.
I watched him, as he vanished behind the door. Maybe we dug deeper into the problem, but I still didn't have the answer I needed to decide. How the hell was I supposed to know if I don't do something wrong when I will be constantly tempted by it? I already proved to myself that I can't resist.
Then I had two thoughts. The first one was that who should I believe in, to pick the right decision, if not myself? I had absolute control over my decisions, so picking the right one was just a matter of doing it, considering of course that I knew which one is which.
And the other one was that I'm just digging too deep, and instead of finding the treasure, I found myself in a hole that might collapse every moment. Maybe there was a way out of this predicament that I couldn't see because I was too occupied with the two most obvious ones?
I finished my beer and left the pub with a headache. Hunting was way easier than this. Hunting was just a matter of doing. I started to miss it.
I swung by the device to grab myself some snacks, then I brought them to my room, and went to get a proper meal in the cafeteria. I tried my best to stop bringing back the thoughts about Followers of Divine Tree because I knew that I found myself in the loop that I'm unable to escape. Part of me wished for something that would just force one of those decisions upon me.
With a full stomach, I went back to my room to get some sleep. It was still rather early, but I didn't have anything else to do. I could go visit Tam, but then I would have to see Aisha, and I didn't want that. She knew my shame, and she also was behind this mess. Not alone of course, as the rest was also responsible.
I was not angry. I was annoyed because I knew that was the best decision they could make. Unfortunately, I was the one left with consequences, and I just didn't know what to do. Subconsciously I decided to put it all on hold. I decided to avoid making a clear decision. I decided to just go hunting, and fix the immediate problems.
Then somebody knocked on my door.
- Who's there?
- It's me, Rishi. I have something...
I went to open the door, and he was there, standing with a beautiful new pudao in his hands. The blade was broad and simple. The handle had a bit of engraving in it, and leather wrappings to enforce better grip. There was also a relatively wide ring at the end of the handle.
- I spend the whole night on this, and also most of the day - he said with a smile.
He was obviously tired. I would see that sooner, but my eyes just got glued to the weapon. I smiled a bit.
- It looks great. Thank you.
I took the weapon from him and weighed it in my hands. It felt better than the ones I was used to. I could also fill the magic slightly tingling my fingers.
- It's the best thing I ever made. I hope it will work for you.
- It will. I'm sure of it. Get some rest Rishi. You look tired.
He smiled, nodded, and left. I went inside the room and swung it few times. It felt amazing. With this, the decision was made. I needed to get out there and try this thing in action.
The day came to an end with 4 054 490 points remaining on my account, and thirty-eight class points.
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