Chapter 177 - Feelings
Hao Baiyun may not have been surprised of what Madam Lei has said about Lei Shan liking, loving, Huo Ling, since he subconsciously knew, deep in his heart, and already has expected it. But, he felt strange after hearing Madam Lei's words.
He has already noticed Lei Shan's interactions with Huo Ling, since he was always watching them. Lei Shan, like him, treats Huo Ling as their younger brother. However, as time passed by and they grew up, Lei Shan's care towards Huo Ling became excessive.
His hand jerked, suddenly wanting to clutch his chest when he felt a strange and unfamiliar emotion. He could feel his heart started to beat faster than the usual. Don't tell me… I also liked xiao Ling? He thought as his eyes widened in shock before his brows knotted when he felt his heart objected, strongly denying his own thought. No way… even though we're distant cousins, but I've always treated xiao Ling as my younger brother. I can't have impure thoughts towards him? He thought, feeling extremely confused before he felt goosebumps appeared on his skin. Just the thought horrified himself.
Since I felt horrified, I must don't have impure thoughts towards xiao Ling! He comforted himself.. If it is, then what do I feel towards xiao Ling? He asked himself.
Seeing his ill expression, Madam Lei thought Hao Baiyun is mad. He really suspects my son that my son harmed xiao Ling?! She was enraged, and so she frowned and glared at him. "I appreciate your concern towards xiao Ling and Meiying. However, I don't like you suspecting my son." She told him. "Shan-er cares about xiao Ling as much, or more than, you do. So he will never harm xiao Ling. Never ever." She shook her head and looked at Hao Baiyun with her eyes filled with disappointment.
She thought, because Hao Baiyun, Huo Ling and Lei Shan grew up together, even if Hao Baiyun is older than the Huo Ling and Lei Shan, but Hao Baiyun must have formed a bond with Huo Ling and Lei Shan. But, it seems that Hao Baiyun never did. Well, he never did to Lei Shan. Only to Huo Ling.
It's reasonable, though, since Hao Baiyun and Huo Ling are cousins. But, still… they are childhood friends. Is there no affection between Hao Baiyun and Lei Shan?
She felt her heart sank when she saw Hao Baiyun's expression didn't change. "Please leave." She told him, her voice flat. "Don't let Meiying wait." She added before she turned her back on him and walked towards the gate.
Hao Baiyun watched her leave after he had cleared his thoughts. He didn't say anything and just silently went back to the car, secretly pondering about his feelings in his heart.
"Young master." Fei Xuli called when he saw Hao Baiyun opened the door and sat beside Huo Meiying before he closed the door. "Are you okay?" he asked when he saw Hao Baiyun's poor complexion.
"What could happen to me in front of the Lei household?" Hao Baiyun asked back before he paused. "Sorry." He told him. He's lashing out his anger on Fei Xuli. "Jing Yu. Drive." He told the silent Jing Yu on the driver's seat.
Jing Yu nodded and started the car. Hao Baiyun sighed before he leaned back on the seat. He was about to close his eyes when he heard Huo Meiying spoke beside him.
"Did you have a quarrel with Qingqing?" she asked, her voice is quiet it's almost a whisper.
Hao Baiyun turned to her and saw her gently smiling.
"It's about Lingling?" she added. She's referring to Huo Ling.
"Aunt Meiying…" Hao Baiyun called before he lowered his gaze. Among all of his relatives, the one he respected the most is Huo Meiying. Not because she's of royal blood, not only because she's Huo Ling's mother, but because he saw how hard she is struggling in life.
Women born in the royal family have lower value than the men, since the men carries the royal family's name. The women were valued only because they can be married off, to which the royal family will form a connection with the family the princesses were married to. The more powerful the family they were married to, the better it is for the royal family.
Feelings aren't important. Status is. This is what it's like in the royal family. Unfortunately, Huo Meiying was born in one. And later was raised to become a tool to be used, to be married off, for the royal family to increase their power.
Huo Meiying, as stated above, was married to Gerard Jackson just because of Gerard Jackson's status. His power. Gerard Jackson came from the family of mafia. And he is the current head. So, the royal family can borrow Gerard Jackson's power.
Of course, not only Huo Meiying benefitted in this marriage, but Gerard Jackson, too, has benefitted. In the mafia, the higher you rose, the greater the power you will wield. However, that's on the premise if you have the ability. Just because you have the highest position doesn't mean you're safe. On the contrary, the higher the position, the greater the danger you'll face. Gerard Jackson was often targeted so that they could have his position. Thus, borrowing the royal family's name and power, Gerard Jackson could have a moment of rest from the people targeting him since they would think twice before targeting him due to the royal family's might.
Marriage of convenience… it's not as if Hao Baiyun is unfamiliar with this. Instead, he couldn't be any more familiar, since, with his age reaching thirty, his family has been sending him to marriage interviews ever since he became twenty. What he's grateful is that, although his family always sets him up on blind dates, but they never crossed the line of setting him a marriage engagement.
"I'm sorry." He told Huo Meiying as he lowered his head in self-reproach. He doesn't want Huo Ling or Huo Meiying to feel wronged.
Huo Meiying is a strong woman, but she has suffered enough. Added to the fact that Huo Ling died…
He bit his lip when he felt something warm touched his head. Then, Huo Meiying's soft voice was heard. "I've never blamed you. You care for Lingling." She told him and smiled. "Lingling…" she said as her smile faded.
"Aunt Meiying…" he called, panic in his voice.
Huo Meiying didn't explode nor collapsed when she heard of her son's death. She has always bottled up her emotions, never showing it on her face. He admired her for this, but also felt saddened.
"As someone born in the royal family… death is fortunate for him." she said.
Hao Baiyun felt his eyes and heart sting. His eyes watered and his tears fell. His chest felt stuffy, and his nose felt sour. That moment, he realized. It was not only Huo Meiying, but he also bottled up his feelings in everything.
...
Huo Ling slowly opened his eyes when he felt the wind brushed against his cheek. He saw that the surrounding is bright, the sun is shining, sending warmth to everything it touched. He felt refreshed.
"Woke up?" he heard Yi Bing's deep and cold voice. Deep, like his eyes, and cold like his… heart.
Huo Ling suddenly thoughts this and his eyes fully snapped open and round. He turned to where the voice came from and saw Yi Bing's handsome but emotionless face. His icy, blue eyes staring at him. He was leaning down to him, who was lying on the bench.
He stared back at Yi Bing's eyes. Added their position, Huo Ling felt Yi Bing's eyes are looking at him condescendingly.
He immediately shook his head to shake of his morning thoughts. "En." He answered and stretched his limbs… erm, his arms. He has no feet, since his soul only has a tail. And it is glowing orange brightly, like the setting sun. "What shall we do today?" he asked.
Yi Bing, who doesn't know Huo Ling's thoughts earlier, after hearing Huo Ling's question, he secretly snuck a glance at his communicator where the Note app containing an itinerary, which he made last night after he received Mo Shi's reply, for them today, uttered a soft sound. "Anywhere. Let's walk around randomly." He answered.
Huo Ling, who doesn't know a certain kuudere grim reaper blatantly lied without blinking his icy, blue eyes, nodded and hummed in response. "Let's do that, then." He agreed.
Yi Bing nodded and was about to speak again when Huo Ling added.
"When will you ask me what is my attachment?" Huo Ling asked. His clear, brown eyes stared straight at Yi Bing's icy, blue eyes.
Yi Bing, who was about to close the holographic screen of his communicator, his hand almost slipped and clicked the wrong button when he heard Huo Ling's question. "Do you know what it is?" he asked.
"Why don't you try asking?" Huo Ling asked back. Yi Bing, even though he had told Huo Ling almost everything about afterlife, including attachments, he hasn't asked once what Huo Ling's attachment is.
A certain liar grim reaper with icy, blue eyes. "…" what to do? How to answer? He doesn't want to ask, since he doesn't want Huo Ling to leave, nor he want to leave Huo Ling.
Can he still deny his feelings after being faced with this critical question?
This content is taken from (f)reewe(b)novel.𝗰𝗼𝐦