Chapter 196: Chapter One-Hundred and Ninety-Six: History
Translator: Dragon Boat Translation Editor: Dragon Boat Translation
“Why would you think that?” Fang Xi asked, puzzled.
Xiang Yang smiled bitterly and didn’t speak. Fang Xi smiled and said, “Shi Ke only has you in his mind and heart. Why would you still have such thoughts? What’s this talk about ‘deserving or ‘not deserving? Is there a standard for love? You guys are already married, okay? Your in-laws and sisters-in-law all love you, so why are you thinking like that, you lucky woman?!”
“But the better they treat me, the more I feel I don’t deserve him,” Xiang Yang said softly. Fang Xi was stunned. She suddenly realized that Xiang Yang was serious and wasn’t just being humble.
Xiang Yang stated, “Fang Xi, do you know? A person can’t do anything wrong in their life because what they’ve done would leave traces impossible to forget or erase. A stain is a stain! There’s no way to undo or remove it!”
She choked and sobbingly continued, “If one day you meet someone you truly love, then that stain will be magnified infinitely—so big that it makes you afraid. Because you fear that the person you love will find out this stain; you fear that he won’t love you anymore when he finds out.”
Fang Xi didn’t know what had happened to Xiang Yang and didn’t know how to comfort her. Perhaps Xiang Yang had been burdened by the secret for too long, but under the influence of alcohol, she had the urge to get it off her chest.
“My mother passed away when I was very young,” Xiang Yang began. “My tutor became my stepmother. At that time, I was in my rebellious period, and—additionally—my maternal grandmother and her family kept badmouthing my stepmother before me, so I was very resistant to my father marrying my stepmother. After they got married, I started to go against them.”
“I had a boyfriend in middle school, and my grades dropped. Since my grades were too low to get me into a good high school, my father sent me abroad to study. At the time, I thought he was disappointed in me and used the opportunity to abandon me.”
“So when I was overseas, I became even more unruly. I maintained amorous relationships with numerous boys. I didn’t reject the boys, but I never officially confirmed any of them as my boyfriend. I felt a sense of satisfaction when I saw them fighting over me. It was as if, in doing this, I could prove to my father that I was loved and worthy of love. Many men would love me even if he didn’t. ”
Xiang Yang stopped, raised her head, and covered her face with her hands. After a while, she uttered, “I thought I was quite happy, surrounded by sweet words and flowers every day. I was a girl squandering my youth and beauty in my best years. But I didn’t know there was a price behind these beautiful things.”
“Due to my dalliances, I had a bad reputation among the international students. The girls avoided me like I was the plague. I was a rotten person in their eyes, and they had to prevent their boyfriends from falling in love with me. However, the more the girls isolated me, the more I wanted their worries to come true.”
“A sultry look, a charming smile, and a few oblique words was all it took to attract those men. They gathered around me and ignored their girlfriends. As a result, my reputation for promiscuity spread. Some of the girls even slandered me and said I took drugs. There were all kinds of rumors about me, and I gained a reputation as a vile person.
Fang Xi recalled the time she’d overheard a few women discussing Xiang Yang behind her back at the exhibition and couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.
“Unfortunately, something happened before my dad found out,” Xiang Yang told her bitterly.
“What happened?” Fang Xi asked, slightly nervous.
“Two men got into a fight because of me. One of the boys accidentally went overboard and seriously injured the other boy. He died from his injuries, and the boy who injured him was sentenced to 20 years in prison.”
“There was also a boy who had always liked me and thought he was my real boyfriend. He didn’t expect that numerous boys had also thought they were my boyfriends. He couldn’t accept it when he found out and slit his wrist. Although he didn’t die, he suffered a huge blow to his mentality.”
Fang Xi was shocked. She hadn’t expected things to develop into such a tragic situation. “But… this isn’t your fault. You didn’t instigate them, ” Fang Xi said hesitantly.
Xiang Yang gave her a dismal smile and remarked, “You’re on my side because you’re my friend, so naturally, you’ll think this way. However, the family members of those involved wouldn’t share such views, nor would those boys’ admirers. They all hated me to the core and would love nothing more than to skin me alive and feast on my entrails.”
“Fang Xi, I can understand where they are coming from. I was still very young when my mother passed away, but I understand the pain of losing a loved one. I didn’t do anything to those boys, but everything happened because of me. I can’t absolve myself of the blame..”
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