Chapter Ch73 - Extra 3
Warning: mention of attempted rape (not explicit)
......A hidden, indescribable, embarrassing lust.
Yang Siran tightly closed his eyes. He could almost still smell that person’s faint fragrance. That oppressive gaze that made it hard for one to breathe – these were all things he was addicted to. He panted roughly, doing his best to ignore those eyes that had appeared in his mind. He rested both his hands obediently on the piano keys, but his hands refused to listen to his commands. His fingers wouldn’t press down on the keys.
This was the first time that Yang Siran had felt such strong lust for a person. His sexual orientation, that had previously been blurry and uncertain, suddenly became clear at this moment. To Yang Siran, this was a beautiful, fated encounter——
It was a winter afternoon. This was supposed to be a comfortable time of day, with the lazy afternoon sunlight slanting in through the windows. However, it wasn’t. It had just snowed outside. Not even a sliver of the sun could be seen. Looking out from the window, one only felt cold.
Yang Siran had two evening self-study classes on Sunday. He left home quite early. Either way, it was just him. It didn’t make much of a difference whether he was staying alone at home or in the classroom. He wore a down jacket over his school uniform, which made him look a bit bloated. His chin and mouth were buried in the collar of the down jacket, revealing only half of his face. There were earphones in his ears. He was listening to a playlist full of English songs. These could be used as practice.
There were a few marble steps outside of his apartment building. A thin layer of snow covered them, rendering the steps as slippery as the surface of a mirror. Yang Siran lost his balance as soon as he stepped on. His entire person fell forward; he hadn’t looked up just now, so hadn’t realized until the moment he lost his balance that there was actually someone in front of him.
I’m going to embarrass myself, Yang Siran thought as he closed his eyes. In that instant, he wholeheartedly believed that he was going to fall. However, his hands reacted on instinct before he could consciously make a decision. He reached out towards the person in front of him.
His eyes fell on the smoke-grey, wool coat. When he breathed in, he smelled a scent that was both fragrant and tobacco-like. Yang Siran’s forehead bumped into the other’s shoulder. His hand maintained a death grip on his arm.
A very embarrassing position.
After regaining his balance, he lifted his head in a somewhat embarrassed manner. He saw the other’s face. At that moment, Yang Siran very obviously felt his heart skip a beat.
The other had a very cold face. His brows were slightly furrowed together and his gaze wasn’t too friendly either. He looked distant and indifferent. Yang Siran was holding onto his arm. He only barely lifted his arm in response, somewhat helping Yang Siran remain upright.
Yang Siran carefully and cautiously bowed deeply at the other. He softly said, “Sorry......Thank you, Uncle.”
Even his voice was shaking when he started speaking. He was that nervous. His heart was palpitating in a way that it had never done before. It furiously pounded in his chest. His chest rapidly raised up and down, hidden by multiple layers of clothes. He was only seventeen years old. In that moment, he had suddenly felt enlightened in regards to a certain emotion.
The man across from him’s gaze paused on his face for one second. Or perhaps it wasn’t even a second? He only made a soft sound of acknowledgement before striding up the steps, not leaving even one additional glance behind.
A miniscule accident that couldn’t even be considered an interlude: a mere stutter in the originally smooth path of life. It hadn’t affected an adult man at all, but had caused powerful, fierce waves to crash upon a high school boy’s heart.
Though several hours had already passed, though evening self-study was already over, his furiously pounding heart didn’t seem like it was going to calm down anytime soon.
Yang Siran vigorously shook his head from where he was sitting in front of the piano. He wanted to shake out the moment that was incessantly playing on loop in his mind. That face, those eyes – in a mere ten seconds or so, they had gotten deeply engraved in his brain. There was a tight, swollen feeling between his legs. This continuously tormented his nerves. Eventually, Yang Siran sighed. He stopped holding himself up so straight, allowing his shoulders to collapse in.
It seemed like he had finally admitted defeat. He slowly removed his hands from the piano keys and secretly, gradually, inched them lower to take care of that sinful area of lust......He had developed a wrongful impulse towards a grown man. He really wanted to smell that faint fragrance again. That fragrance was addicting.
A young heart had already lost control during this initial meeting. Many years later, this fact still hadn’t changed.
The mix of cigarette smoke and a faint sweetness continuously tickled at his nerves. Wet palms, slightly furrowed brows, rapid breathing. All of this ultimately got interrupted by the sound of a door opening——
Yang Siran’s eyelids trembled as he woke up from his dream. The sticky, taut feeling was still intense. He had had that dream again. This memory had innumerously snuck into his dreams in the past. Cold and dazed. It really seemed like a dream.
He slowly opened his eyes and saw a portion of a large window, blinding sunlight passing through the clear glass. He suddenly jolted awake. While sitting up, he looked around. The man in his dreams currently had his collared shirt removed. His suit pants were still on, though. Firm muscles, broad shoulders, a lean waist. Yet, Yang Siran had no time to admire these features. He was holding a collared shirt belonging to the other in his hands. Because of his wet dream, his palms had started sweating. In addition to his subconscious wringing and rubbing, the shirt in his hands had practically already gotten ruined.
The other definitely wouldn’t wear it again.
Yang Siran still kept a tight grip on the cloth in his hands. He was always like this. He always greedily stole one of this person’s shirts in order to smell that lingering scent that belonged to him. This could ensure that the smell would enter his dreams. Yang Siran wanted it to help him see the two of them from that time again. This was perverse and embarrassing.
The man noticed that he was awake. He turned around and glanced at him. His expression was still cold. He offhandedly threw the shirt he had taken off over: it brushed against Yang Siran’s face before landing in his lap. A slightly mocking smile appeared on the man’s face. He spun on his heels and walked into the bathroom.
Yang Siran instantly got out of bed. He padded across the floors, barefoot, and followed.
When he came back out, his pajamas were already completely soaked.
He headed into a different room and changed into a different pair of pajamas. By the time that he had returned, Geng Jinwei was sitting on the edge of the bed and replying to messages. Yang Siran walked over and sat on the carpet by the other’s legs. He was obedient and silent, not saying a single word. Even his breathing was quiet.
After Geng Jinwei set down his phone, he looked at the top of Yang Siran’s head. His hair had gotten a bit wet earlier, but not completely soaked. It only looked a little damp. Yang Siran could feel his gaze. He looked up and made eye contact with Geng Jinwei. Geng Jinwei spoke up, asking, “Were you well behaved?”
Yang Siran answered with a smile, “Very well behaved.”
Geng Jinwei calmly raised an eyebrow. Yang Siran immediately added, “I’m the best behaved.”
As if to prove his point, Yang Siran glued his face to the bed so that he was right next to Geng Jinwei’s leg. Then, he pressed a soft kiss against the other’s leg.
On the surface, he was extremely obedient, but there was a stubbornness hidden in his bones. Geng Jinwei scoffed and stopped talking to him. He had just landed after returning from a week-long business trip. Though he had come home, he could only nap for two hours because there was still a gathering he needed to attend that night.
Because Geng Jinwei wasn’t saying anything, Yang Siran didn’t speak up either. He walked around to the other side of the bed and curled up next to Geng Jinwei. There was a dry warmth under the blankets. It was very comforting. He had just slept, so couldn’t fall asleep now, no matter what. Thus, Geng Jinwei slept for two hours as Yang Siran stared at him for two hours. Halfway through, while Geng Jinwei was flipping over, Yang Siran gently scooted close. Geng Jinwei lifted his arm and just so happened to wrap it around the other.
Yang Siran revealed a pleased smile. The feeling of being surrounded by Geng Jinwei’s scent was too addicting for him. Each part of his body was exuding satisfaction.
There was no need to set an alarm. Before two hours were up, Geng Jinwei had already woken up of his own accord. When he woke up and saw Yang Siran, who was glued to his side, he lifted his arm and got out of bed. While getting out of bed, he asked, “Why did you glue yourself to me?”
Yang Siran softly chuckled and replied, “I wasn’t the one who glued myself to you.”
Geng Jinwei didn’t expose his childish lie. It wasn’t worth mentioning. As Geng Jinwei finished getting ready and started dressing, Yang Siran took the initiative to help him. He raised his arms to tie Geng Jinwei’s tie for him. Geng Jinwei slightly lifted his chin up; he didn’t look down. He only asked, “Have you stayed here for long enough?”
Yang Siran glanced at him. He obediently replied, “Yes.”
Geng Jinwei told him, “If you’ve stayed here for long enough, go to the company and find Qi Zhao. Apologize to him.”
Yang Siran nodded and answered, “I can apologize, but I don’t want a manager.”
Geng Jinwei lowered his gaze. He observed Yang Siran for a few seconds before saying, “You still haven’t stayed here for long enough.”
Yang Siran didn’t say anything. After tying the tie, he smoothed down Geng Jinwei’s collar, stared into the other’s eyes, and lowly said, “I really don’t want one. I can’t have one. I want to be diligent, want to get better, want to be good.”
“I can accept any and all work arrangements. I’ll listen to the company, but I really don’t need a manager. I don’t want to develop under anyone’s hand......except yours.” Yang Siran pressed his lips together and lowered his voice some more. In what was basically a murmur, he said, “Uncle......”
This call of “Uncle” was both suggestive and clingy. Unless they were in bed, he rarely spoke like this. This was a desperate plea, an unspeakable obsession.
Geng Jinwei scanned his face. He didn’t say anything else before leaving.
Yang Siran stood in place. After Geng Jinwei’s presence had completely disappeared, he finally headed upstairs to play piano. He had spent the whole afternoon with the person he longed for. Even the piano piece that he played sounded drawn out and melodious. Music was always alive. It was relaying a message.
Yang Siran obviously couldn’t have a manager. He was capable of being really obedient. He was only so stubbornly adamant in regards to this one thing.
At the end of the day, an unimportant celebrity like Yang Siran, who didn’t have any resources of his own, could only enter into a relationship of absolute subordination and allocation with his manager. Yang Siran couldn’t accept having anyone else being in total control of him. That was completely impossible. From the bottom of his heart, he only obeyed Geng Jinwei and Geng Jinwei alone. This would never change.
Perhaps his affections were a bit malformed, but Yang Siran was satisfied with them. Similarly, his admiration and idolization from all these years had been malformed too. Perhaps others didn’t understand them, but Yang Siran was the one directly affected by them and he didn’t mind at all. As long as emotional matters weren’t breaching the law or morality, whether or not they were bitter or worth it were personal matters. Nobody else was in a position to criticize him.
Yang Siran had never faltered in his persistence. Even though he was now being hidden away because he had gone through manager after manager, even though it was very likely that this was going to be his life for the foreseeable future, he was okay with it. He hadn’t been determined to be a celebrity in the first place anyways. Acting wasn’t something he absolutely had to do. He had only done these things to get closer to that person. Now that he was close to him, he could occasionally be really intimate with him too. This was great. Even if he could no longer be a celebrity in the future, things were already worth it.
It was a bit of a pity, but he couldn’t compromise just because of this.
Yang Siran couldn’t always live at Geng Jinwei’s residence. Each time he came, he was very cautious. He knew the password for this place, so always walked in with a backpack and snapback on. There would be a pair of pajamas and a change of clothes in the backpack. He would take them with him when he left, too. He wasn’t the type to recklessly leave his own traces in that place.
A lover needed to know a lover’s place. He had always had a good understanding of this.
In the beginning, he had needed to get Geng Jinwei’s permission before coming. Eventually, Yang Siran would also come even if Geng Jinwei didn’t reply to his messages. When he did so, he wouldn’t dare to take off his clothes. He would obediently sit in the living room; however, Geng Jinwei never truly shooed him out. After enough times, Yang Siran simply started heading over directly. Before he departed, he would text: “I’m going to your house. If I’m not allowed to, reply to me.”
Yang Siran never received a reply to these messages. He also wouldn’t get chased out when he got there. In the past, he had been very frightened. Only later did he realize that being the other’s lover was very easy.
The first day he had become the other’s lover, Yang Siran had still felt a bit panicked, despite the fact that he was getting what he had always wanted. There was fear at the bottom of his heart when he faced this person. But as more time passed, he discovered that it wasn’t that difficult. This person wasn’t as aggressive as he had thought. He wasn’t gentle or affectionate, but also wasn’t hard to get along with. He didn’t take trivial matters to heart, and also would never mention them. Yang Siran was mostly well behaved. Occasionally, when he would tentatively try to cross the line, Geng Jinwei would only watch without scolding him.
Additionally, he truly could feel that he was getting special treatment at times because he was the other’s lover. Each time he realized this, Yang Siran would feel happy. He didn’t think that it wasn’t worth getting happy over because he had given up his body in exchange for it. Either way, regardless of why, he was truly a bit special, right? He had always been someone easily satisfied. This small bit of special treatment made it very easy for him to feel delighted.
For example, even though he was switching managers so frequently, Geng Jinwei hadn’t actually punished him in any way. How could a reckless newbie without any foundations dare to cause so much trouble at their company? If this were anyone else, it was very likely that they would suffer greatly. It wasn’t that Yang Siran wasn’t scared – he was scared that after getting punished by Geng Jinwei, he wouldn’t even get to be the other’s lover anymore. Those few times, Yang Siran worked very hard. He practically asphyxiated in the bathtub.
But Geng Jinwei didn’t mention anything at all. He neither said that Yang Siran was out of line, nor did he coldly say that Yang Siran was impetuous. The company had even assigned him a different manager. This caused Yang Siran to feel like he truly had been given special treatment, despite how tentative he also felt. In the end, though, he had offended this manager too. Geng Jinwei had already said before that this was going to be his last manager. After that, Yang Siran ended up staying home. He didn’t have any work arrangements. He accepted this. He wasn’t purposefully acting more spoiled because of that bit of special treatment; he just honestly couldn’t bear to have a manager. Not to mention that Geng Jinwei himself was a manager too. Yang Siran had been personally signed into the company by him. In the very beginning, when Yang Siran hadn’t had a manager, Geng Jinwei had been the one to make all his schedules. In a certain regard, this was the equivalent of Geng Jinwei transferring Yang Siran over to a different person.
Yang Siran’s convoluted affections refused to allow him to begin a relationship of subordination and allocation with any other manager. This would cause him great pain.
Geng Jinwei told him to go to the company to find Qi Zhao when he was ready to stop being stubborn and had spent enough time away. Yang Siran never did. He had already prepared himself for the fact that he might never film another movie or be an actor again. When bored, he would write a few songs for money. This was pretty nice too. Wasn’t this what he had done in the past?
That night, Geng Jinwei came home drunk. Yang Siran was at the door, welcoming him. Geng Jinwei was honestly intoxicated. He scanned the other’s face up and down. Yang Siran scooted close to kiss him; Geng Jinwei didn’t reject him. There was a piece of sobering candy between Yang Siran’s teeth. Using the kiss, he pushed it into Geng Jinwei’s mouth.
Geng Jinwei furrowed his brows. He asked, “What’s this?”
Yang Siran softly replied, “Sobering candy. Hold it in your mouth.”
Geng Jinwei’s brows were still tightly knit together. In the end, though, he didn’t spit the candy out. However, he didn’t hold it in his mouth either. He simply swallowed it. Yang Siran pressed his lips together and obediently helped the other shower. He didn’t act out of line again.
During the shower, Geng Jinwei subconsciously rested his hand on Yang Siran’s head for a moment. His throat was a bit hoarse because of the alcohol. Thus, his tone didn’t sound so serious anymore. “You don’t want to act again, right?”
“That’s not it.” Yang Siran sprawled out against the other’s chest. He said, “I want to act.”
“If you want to act, why are you being so stubborn?” Geng Jinwei asked with his eyes shut. His voice always sounded a bit cold.
Yang Siran had already gotten used to the indifference in his tone. He obediently replied without rubbing his head against the other’s chest or acting pitiful, “I’m not being stubborn. I can be really well behaved.”
When Geng Jinwei spoke, his chest slightly shook. The reverberations caused Yang Siran’s ear to feel a bit numb. He heard Geng Jinwei say from near the top of his head, “You want me to manage you. Who do you think you are?”
Yang Siran immediately responded, “I’m nobody.”
Geng Jinwei said, “Look at the people I’ve managed in the past. For these past few years, Shaoyi remains the only one I’m still managing. You want to be on the same level as him? Are you trying to raise hell?”
Yang Siran’s expression stiffened. He immediately stood up straight and sincerely answered, “I’ve never thought about that. I wouldn’t dare to either.”
“Yes, you wouldn’t dare to.” Geng Jinwei’s eyes remained shut. He calmly said, “You wouldn’t dare to think about it. Everyone else would. Who are you for me to personally manage you?”
“I’m nobody,” Yang Siran said. “......I was wrong.”
This day, Geng Jinwei had truly had too much alcohol. That was why he was saying these things to Yang Siran. His words weren’t too kind: they were pretty hurtful. However, not only did Yang Siran not feel sad after hearing them, instead, he felt quite touched. In his eyes, the Geng Jinwei who was saying these things to him could even be considered gentle.
Yang Siran was also very obedient and well behaved. After Geng Jinwei said these things, Yang Siran stopped thinking about going back to continue acting. Acting wasn’t his original dream anyways. When Geng Jinwei asked him after this incident whether or not he wanted to continue acting, he would always immediately respond, “Not anymore.”
Geng Jinwei would scan him up and down a few times, but never said anything else in reply.
Fiddling around with music and writing songs. This lifestyle was quite nice too. He wasn’t in desperate need of money. If he saved all the songs he had written, he would be able to earn some money when he sold them one day. It had been a couple months since he had last updated his Weibo. He had already been planning on retiring, just like this. One day out of the blue, though, he suddenly received a message from Geng Jinwei.
——Come to the company this afternoon.
Yang Siran was quite surprised. He arrived very early and saw his assistant there. He also found out that the company had previously been planning for him to go act in a movie. They were notifying him to go audition next week. Yang Siran stared at Geng Jinwei, dazed. After, he politely nodded. “Okay, Boss Geng.”
That night, in Geng Jinwei’s room, Yang Siran lowly said, “In the future, I......”
Geng Jinwei said, “In the future, have him follow you around. Just treat him as an assistant.”
Yang Siran asked, “Will this cause trouble for you?”
Geng Jinwei laughed coldly. He lowered his gaze and glanced at the other. “Well you sure worry about a lot of things. When you have the time, go thank Yuan Ye. Your Yuan Ye ge helped speak up for you. You certainly know who to become friends with.”
Yang Siran nodded.
That night, Yang Siran worked very hard. It seemed like he was using his body to repay his sugar daddy’s gift. In actuality, only he knew that the heart in his chest had been furiously pounding for over half the night. Nobody understood his innermost thoughts. Since young, he had already lost his soul. Each reaction from the other made him feel extremely fortunate, even if it was just a small amount of affection that a sugar daddy gave to an obedient little lover. This was still enough for him to feel submerged.
Geng Jinwei used his fingertips to squeeze Yang Siran’s ear a few times. This tiny action resulted in half of Yang Siran’s body trembling.
Those years that had been completely saturated with affection, those dreams that had been filled with desire and lust – these allowed Yang Siran to completely willingly lower himself into the dirt to look up at the other.
Aside from the matter about managers, Yang Siran didn’t have any other conflicts with the company. His assistant was basically also working as a manager. He was the one making arrangements with all the other people. They had always had a pretty good relationship. He didn’t schedule anything too inordinate for Yang Siran. Additionally, Yang Siran himself never acted arrogant. He was easy to order around.
Yang Siran wasn’t disappointing at all. He was truly quite good looking. Since he was in Fang Shaoyi’s company, nobody dared to be too mean to him, no matter where he went. The first few movies following his debut were all collaborations with famous directors. Though he had only acted as trivial characters in them, this was a very high place to start. He got popular rather quickly. In about two years, he had already joined the A-list of young, male celebrities. He could also start picking and choosing which resources he wanted now. He was talented, humble, and hardworking. In addition to the fact that his company was powerful and capable, it was obvious that he had been destined to become popular.
His schedule became tighter and tighter. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even be able to return to the company more than a handful of times over half a year.
Yang Siran sat in the dressing room, allowing the stylist to style his hair. There was a perfect face looking back at him in the mirror.
His assistant was sitting next to him. He looked up and gazed at Yang Siran, then asked, “What’s wrong? Didn’t get enough sleep?”
Yang Siran said, “Un, I’ve been a bit tired recently.”
His assistant chuckled and replied, “Being busy is a good thing.”
Yang Siran faintly smiled at him through the mirror. “I know.”
His phone was clasped in his hands. He occasionally checked to see if he had any messages. It was already almost time to leave, but his phone still hadn’t buzzed. Yang Siran unlocked it and pulled up a chat. He sent a message over: I miss you.
The chat was full of messages that he had sent. The last time that the other had replied to him was a month ago. Since last year, the other had started replying to him only occasionally. Most of the time, he only sent an “Un.” However, since last month, he had completely stopped replying. The messages Yang Siran sent were like rocks sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
Recently, the company was promoting a new artist. Yang Siran ran into him at a fashion show. He was honestly young and handsome. The boy was just past the age of twenty. When he saw Yang Siran, he nodded and called out with a smile, “Siran ge.” The company was promoting him very diligently. All his resources were excellent.
Everyone at the company was saying that Boss Geng was treating him exceptionally well. Things weren’t so simple.
After the fashion show in France, Yang Siran and his assistant got on a flight back home. Only now were there truly no outsiders around. His assistant noticed that the other’s expression was a bit dark. Thus, he leaned over and lowered his voice to tell Yang Siran, “Don’t overthink things. Nothing lasts forever in this industry. You’ve been with him for four years already. It’s been a pretty long time.”
Yang Siran pressed his lips together. He didn’t respond.
“You aren’t the you of before anymore either. It’s not like you won’t be able to hold your own if you don’t have anyone to back you. There will definitely be some difficulties, but not to the extent that you’ll be bullied by anyone.” Yang Siran’s assistant had been working with Yang Siran for over two years. Aside from their work relationship, their personal relationship was honestly pretty great too. He could say a few things in private to him. “There’s no need to be hung up over a kid. Let him do what he wants. You can each take what you need. Taking a million steps back......it’s not necessarily a bad thing to remove yourself from this relationship.”
Yang Siran obviously couldn’t hide his relationship with Geng Jinwei from his assistant. It hadn’t been a secret for a long time. However, Yang Siran still refused to answer. He turned his head to the side and looked out the small window. The cloud cover was pretty thick today: the clouds were packed tightly together. It was very beautiful, but it made one feel a bit stifled when they looked at it.
Yang Siran immediately headed back to the company when he landed. He didn’t go home first. He knocked on Geng Jinwei’s office door and heard the other respond from the inside.
Yang Siran opened the door and walked in. Then, he gently closed the door behind himself. He looked at Geng Jinwei and called out, “Boss Geng.”
“You’re back?” Geng Jinwei calmly asked.
It had already been close to four months since Yang Siran had come back. The same amount of time had passed since he had last seen Geng Jinwei. He quietly walked over to the other, eyes glued to him. He had really, truly missed him a lot. He was worth a lot more than he had been before, but some feelings wouldn’t change.
A few steps away from the office desk, though, he stopped in place.
——That boy was sitting next to Geng Jinwei’s legs. Yang Siran abruptly made eye contact with him. The boy was looking up at him. He even cocked his eyebrows and greeted Yang Siran.
Yang Siran stood in place. He pressed his lips together before nodding in greeting too.
When he got out of the office, Yang Siran leaned against the wall next to the door. After a moment of silence, he heaved out a soft, long sigh.
On the other side of the door, Geng Jinwei told that boy, “You get out too.”
The boy wasn’t too willing. He still wanted to say something else, but Geng Jinwei’s foul expression made him keep his mouth shut. Who dared to actually be defiant around him?
There was no rule that said a sugar daddy could only have one lover. That wouldn’t be a lover anymore – it would be a beloved. Since the very start, Yang Siran had already prepared himself for this. Only, he had been rather fortunate. In the past few years, there hadn’t been anyone else around Geng Jinwei. In times of peace, one would always forget that some things were originally supposed to happen. This resulted in a forceful impact to one’s heart when these things really did happen. It was hard to accept. This was a bad habit that was the consequence of a peaceful life. Yang Siran looked at himself in the mirror and scoffed.
He was wearing black silk pajamas. This made his skin appear even paler. While sitting on the bed with one leg bent up, a strip of his pale, white ankle got revealed. This had a strong visual effect. It made him seem mesmerizing.
In the throes of pleasure, Yang Siran bit Geng Jinwei’s Adam’s apple. Immediately after, he started feeling regretful. Thus, he gently kissed that area.
Geng Jinwei had furrowed his brows because of this bite. He used his hand to squeeze the other’s chin. Yang Siran was forced to lift his head. It was hard to tell what Geng Jinwei was feeling based on his facial expression. He lowered his gaze and asked, “Angry?”
Yang Siran maintained eye contact with him. He didn’t look away at all. He still wasn’t willing to lie. Sincerely, he answered, “Not angry......but I am a bit sad.”
Geng Jinwei stared into his eyes. He let go. “Sad about what?”
Yang Siran’s voice was slightly hoarse. He honestly replied, “Sad that you’re not mine and mine alone.”
This sentence was a bit out of line. It was probably the first time that Yang Siran had said anything of the like. After too many good experiences, anyone would start feeling a bit cocky. He wasn’t an exception either.
Yang Siran wrapped his arms around Geng Jinwei’s neck. He buried his face in the crook of the other’s neck and woefully called out, “Uncle......”
Geng Jinwei used his hand to rub Yang Siran’s neck.
When cold people did these slightly gentle things, it was always enough to suffocate someone. Yang Siran closed his eyes and asked, “Does he call you that too?”
Geng Jinwei glanced at him again. His big hand randomly ruffled the other’s hair a few times. His movements weren’t gentle. Because of this, Yang Siran opened his eyes. Geng Jinwei stared at his eyes that were slightly red at the rims and didn’t respond. He only said, out of the blue, “There are so many young boys and girls out there. Aren’t you going to try with them?”
Yang Siran immediately felt a bit nervous. He blinked and asked, “Have you heard something? I didn’t. I’ve never fooled around. I’m clean.”
He truly was clean. In so many years, even the amount of times he had touched himself was pitifully scarce.
Was there anything Geng Jinwei didn’t know? The person in his arms was always obedient in speech, but in actuality, was stubborn on the inside. That stubbornness was clearly visible in his eyes. The light in his eyes had never dimmed after all these years.
At the end of that night, Yang Siran practically fainted. He had completely run out of energy. His palms were wet; he wanted to grab Geng Jinwei’s hand, but failed to do so. Geng Jinwei suddenly told him, “Let’s stop here.”
Yang Siran gently blinked his eyes. His eyelashes started trembling. He didn’t even dare to speak too loudly. Softly, he asked, “......What?”
Geng Jinwei removed a fallen eyelash that was stuck to his face. In his deep voice, he said, “Let’s stop here. Don’t come over again.”
Yang Siran was in his prime. These were the best years of his life. For some people, it was fortunate to be able to separate peacefully from their ex-sugar daddies. Most sugar daddies were very generous. After a considerable separation fee, they also usually wouldn’t forget about their previous obedient lovers if they received any spare resources. Even Yang Siran’s assistant told him in secret, “This is a good thing. Boss Geng won’t mistreat you. In the future, as long as you don’t start a direct feud with Su Chen and don’t obviously provoke him, life will be so easy. Let’s not make things harder for ourselves. Right now, you’re no longer a nobody in our company. We’ll just diligently film movies and earn money. What a wonderful life.”
The people who knew about this all thought that Yang Siran had lucked out. The past few years, his sugar daddy had wholeheartedly promoted him. Now, he was popular and no longer needed to worry about carrying this secret with him. He was clean.
But Yang Siran’s initial goal had never been for Geng Jinwei to make him popular. He had never thought about that.
Thus, some things were like a person drinking water – only the person drinking the water knew whether it was cold or warm.
From the first time that Yang Siran had seen Geng Jinwei at seventeen until now, it had been almost thirteen years.
When he had been with Geng Jinwei, he had lowered himself to the ground to like this person. All of this had been done willingly. He wanted to like that person in this manner. Perhaps others considered him cheap for doing so, but regardless of whether it was cheap or not, that was the kind of person he was. Since the beginning, his affections had formed in this manner. He didn’t feel like this made his affections less valuable than others’. These were all his own choices. There was no better or worse when it came to love.
But this didn’t mean that Yang Siran really didn’t have any pride, really didn’t care about his reputation anymore.
Did he still like him? Of course, and not even the slightest bit less than before. However, Yang Siran really never went to Geng Jinwei’s house again. He never glued himself to the other’s legs in his office again. When they saw each other, he would politely call out, “Boss Geng.” At most, he would merely turn around and silently stare at Geng Jinwei for a few seconds after he had walked away.
No matter how much he liked him, he wouldn’t pester him. He had already been blessed by fate to have spent a few years by his side. Not every romance could come to fruition. Compared to so many one-sided crushes that never amounted to anything, he was already extremely fortunate.
“Shaoyi ge, Yuan Ye ge.” Yang Siran’s seat was one row behind theirs. When he saw this couple, he immediately walked over to greet them. “You two are so handsome today.”
“Are we not handsome normally?” Yuan Ye cocked an eyebrow while smiling. “Has your Yuan Ye ge become less handsome or has your Shaoyi ge’s face become less appealing?”
“Neither, neither,” Yang Siran hurriedly said. “It’s mainly because you usually never wear suits.”
Fang Shaoyi greeted him too. He lowly said, “Director Zhou is over there. When everything’s over, go say hi to him. Last time, you dropped out of his film last minute. It was nice of him to not make things difficult for you. Don’t offend him. Have a nice, long conversation with him.”
These days, Yang Siran was often in contact with these two. They were technically quite close. Sometimes, Fang Shaoyi would lecture him like this. Yang Siran would always diligently listen and remember everything the other told him. He would also always follow the other’s instructions.
There was never a lack of actors of celebrities at movie festivals. Yang Siran saw Su Chen too. All the rumors now were saying that Boss Geng spoiled him greatly. He was like a lust demon, given how good he was at coaxing people. The little boy truly did seem to shine when he smiled: he was quite likeable.
He called Yang Siran to a halt, wanting to talk with him. He even affectionately addressed him as “Siran ge.”
Yang Siran was always friendly too. If others saw how well they were getting along, they could probably take a picture and start promoting a CP later. Yang Siran didn’t want to promote a CP with this person. Since debut until now, he had already racked up quite a few CPs and often got tied to others for promotion. However, he didn’t really want this to happen this time. Thus, when Su Chen scooted a bit closer, Yang Siran silently took a step back. He refused to give this person the opportunity.
A sugar daddy’s ex and current lovers. Such a CP was honestly a bit awkward.
Su Chen didn’t mind that he wasn’t being cooperative either. He smiled and asked, “Let’s add each other on WeChat, Siran ge?”
Yang Siran pulled out his phone and scanned the other’s QR code. Su Chen lowered his head and quietly asked, “The candy is delicious. Can Siran ge share a bite with me?”
After successfully adding each other, Yang Siran put his phone away. He lightly chuckled and said, “Use your skills to take it.”
The candy really was delicious. Yang Siran had cautiously kept it in his mouth for four years. Now, Su Chen was asking him to share a bite. Disregarding whether or not Yang Siran could bear to share with him, what did he have to share? He himself didn’t even have the candy anymore.
Yuan Ye knew about his situation. Yang Siran had told him a long time ago. Su Chen was just as friendly when he saw Fang Shaoyi and Yuan Ye. He acted like a little fanboy. Eventually, Yuan Ye even joked with Yang Siran, “Isn’t this Geng ge’s new lover?”
He didn’t know yet that Yang Siran and Geng Jinwei’s relationship had already ended. Yang Siran chuckled and said, “I guess so. Looks like I lost my sweetheart.”
Yuan Ye cocked an eyebrow and looked at him.
Yang Siran sighed. His gaze was filled with slight sorrow. He softly laughed and said, “He’s young and energetic. Who wouldn’t like him?”
After Yang Siran said this, Yuan Ye scoffed. He pressed down on Yang Siran’s head for a bit and threw out, “Doesn’t seem like that to me. You don’t even understand your sweetheart. What a waste of so many years. Think long and hard about it.”
Yang Siran looked up at him. Yuan Ye only said, “Rack your brains.”
What was there to rack his brains about? That person was already gone. He had already thought about his affections for over a decade. What else was there that he didn’t understand? Only because he clearly understood the other could he stop himself from obstinately clinging to him, could he truly be so carefree, and could he refuse to mention that deep love that he had felt for the other since his youth. He had acted out the role of a greedy lover who had given up his body in exchange for resources. He wouldn’t ask for anything else. He had long since figured the other out.
Yang Siran very rarely took the initiative to contact him. He only sent out simple blessings during holidays.
On the day of Geng Jinwei’s birthday, Yang Siran sent him a message: Happy birthday. Wish you well.
Geng Jinwei replied: Thank you.
Yang Siran stared at those two words. He finger slid up and down his phone screen. Despite how impulsive and reluctant he felt, he ultimately didn’t respond to this message.
His former sugar daddy was truly generous. There was nothing bad to be said in this regard. Yang Siran’s status in their company didn’t change at all. He still had handfuls upon handfuls of good resources. The company would invest in movies for him; he also received endorsement offers for top tier luxury brands. Eventually, everytime Yang Siran received some valuable resource, he would send a message to Geng Jinwei: Thank you. Wish you well.
Have a wonderful Mid-Autumn reunion. Wish you well.
Merry Christmas. Wish you well.
Happy New Year. Out with the old and in with the new. Wish you well.
Geng Jinwei replied to this New Year’s message: Happy New Year.
Perhaps the fireworks outside were too stunning. Juxtaposed, Yang Siran seemed extra cold and lonely as he stayed in his room by himself. He stared at the three words on his screen. Surprisingly, he failed to control himself. As if scared that he would feel regretful or not dare to send the message, he quickly typed up a few characters and clicked send: I miss you so much.
This message definitely wouldn’t get a reply. Yang Siran wasn’t an obsessive or clingy person. The other was even less of the hesitant type. Since they had cut things off, they needed to cut things off cleanly. There was no need to be wishy-washy.
Someone like Yang Siran was never lacking in pursuers. There were male and female celebrities of about the same status as him in the industry. There were also younger celebrities eager to spend time with him. Or, there were a few sugar daddies who had money and influence. As long as Yang Siran agreed, he could find a very good replacement. It wasn’t like there weren’t any young and handsome ones.
But it was impossible for Yang Siran to agree. His heart was completely dedicated to one person. Many years ago, it had already melted because of that one person. He didn’t have his own heart anymore.
He was signed under Fang Shaoyi’s company. He was an artist under Geng Jinwei. Most of the time, it wasn’t too difficult for him to avoid dangerous situations. Additionally, people usually wouldn’t try to do anything to him if he didn’t want them to. However, there were always certain instances when a capitalist would feel impulsive after too many rounds of drinks and Yang Siran would fail to figure out a way to properly remove himself from the situation——
He had gotten drugged at the meal table. At night, someone unlocked his hotel room with a spare card. Yang Siran was burning up in his sleep; each breath he expelled was hot air. Someone lifted up his shirt while he was dazed. Yang Siran couldn’t see too clearly. Only, when he reached out and touched that person’s arm, he broke out in a cold sweat.
As soon as he touched the other, he knew it wasn’t him. If it wasn’t him, it wasn’t okay. He reflexively flipped over to avoid the intruder. He had no strength in his arms or legs. Fortunately, he worked out regularly. In the end, he successfully managed to escape.
Yang Siran wasn’t in the right state of mind. He pulled out his phone and actually dialled that number that was etched into his memory. The voice through the phone was raspy and deep, but it wasn’t cold. To Yang Siran, it sounded warm. The man asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I......” Only when he started speaking did he realize that his throat was already so dry that he could barely speak. Under the influence of the drug, his brain was already muddled. In this state, he panted helplessly. While sprawled out on the ground, he said, “I’ve caused trouble for you......I beat someone up.”
“Who?” The other’s voice always carried such strength. Without realizing it, Yang Siran actually started crying. He lifted his tired hands to wipe the tears away and heard that person say through the phone, “Send me the address and room number.”
Yang Siran practically muttered out with his hoarse voice, “......I can only be yours.”
People arrived very quickly. Even after they had already taken that person away, Yang Siran still didn’t know who he had beat up. He didn’t want to know either.
When he opened his eyes again, he saw that figure that he had engraved into his heart many years ago. His eyes were still so deep set. The lines of his face were still so hard. He looked too aggressive and not gentle in the slightest.
Yang Siran came back to his senses. He sincerely apologized, “I’ve caused trouble. Sorry, Boss Geng.”
Geng Jinwei was standing next to the window. He looked over at Yang Siran and asked, “Is this your first day in this industry? Did your sense of self-preservation get eaten by a dog?”
Yang Siran didn’t refute him. He nodded and said, “I was careless.”
“You were careless?” Geng Jinwei strode over. In only a few steps, he had already reached Yang Siran. He stretched a hand out and grabbed Yang Siran by the hair, forcing the other to look up at him. The viciousness in his voice caused one’s heart to tremble. “You were careless? Should you be apologizing to me? Who should you be apologizing to?”
Geng Jinwei threw back his blankets and placed a hand against his abdomen. He forcefully pressed down. “You dare to put anything in your mouth and swallow it? You couldn’t even tell that the drink was fucking drugged?”
This sudden physical contact caught Yang Siran off guard. Even his heart started quivering.
“So now you dare to accept invitations for dinner gatherings even when your assistant isn’t around? Really fucking badass.” Geng Jinwei’s hand trailed down Yang Siran’s body and stopped a few inches below his abdomen. He pressed down on that area as the vein in his forehead pulsed. “If he had added just a bit more, you’d be ruined. Do you know what ruined means? Fucked up? If he had gotten his hands on you, you would’ve been getting carried out horizontally today!”
Geng Jinwei tightened his grip on Yang Siran’s hair. Yang Siran arched his back even more. Geng Jinwei was right in front of his face. He clenched his teeth and asked, “Where’s your brain? I asked you where your brain is!”
He was truly outraged. He often got angry at other people, but this was the first time he was getting mad at Yang Siran. In all this time, Yang Siran had never done anything to make him angry. He saved people a lot of worry. This was the first time he had gotten entangled in anything, and it was a horrifying incident. If that person had really succeeded, the consequences were unfathomable.
Yang Siran incessantly apologized. Voice hoarse, he said, “I made a mistake.”
“You did make a mistake.” Geng Jinwei let go of him. Because of this, Yang Siran lost his balance. He only managed to remain sitting after propping his arm against the bed. “You almost scared me to fucking death. Fuck.”
Yang Siran forgot to respond. He looked up at the other. His face was still bruised from when he had injured it last night. He was ghastly pale and barely looked alive. He looked as pitiful as could be. Yang Siran had truly suffered quite a fright.
Geng Jinwei reached out and tugged him closer to his own body. He kept a tight grip on the other while pressing Yang Siran’s face against his chest. The hand on Yang Siran’s head still couldn’t be considered very gentle.
His scent instantly rushed into Yang Siran’s nostrils. Yang Siran’s mind suddenly went blank. He couldn’t think of anything. His mouth was open and his lips were trembling. For a long, long time, he couldn’t say a word. His lips were completely colorless. Thus, his furious sugar daddy lowered his head and bit down on his lips until they started bleeding.
Geng Jinwei had kept him around for four years. In the beginning, aside from Yang Siran’s assistant and Geng Jinwei’s personal chauffeur and assistant, nobody had known about this. Yuan Ye had found out only because Yang Siran himself had admitted it. Aside from this, nobody else knew. Eventually, as time passed by, more and more people started making guesses. However, because of Geng Jinwei’s cold face, nobody dared to actually spread any rumors. To this day, Yang Siran was still clean in the eyes of the outside world. There was nothing bad to say about him and he had no secrets to be exposed.
This was how one treated a true lover. As for the ones where the whole world could hear about the rumors, they definitely couldn’t be real.
Later, Geng Jinwei squeezed Yang Siran’s chin and asked him, “Don’t you have any idea how much I’ve done for you?”
“I do.” Yang Siran incessantly nodded his head. “You’re good to me.”
“You do?” Geng Jinwei scoffed. “If you do, would you still be thinking about me every fucking day? Are there no other men in this world aside from me? Nobody else can fuck you?”
Yang Siran still nodded. He looked extremely obedient. “There are. There are plenty of men, but they aren’t mine.”
“Seems to me like you don’t have a brain,” Geng Jinwei said.
Yang Siran scooted close. He intimately nipped at Geng Jinwei’s ear. His voice was low and deep. It was also filled with a cautious adoration. He didn’t say anything extra. As usual, he only called out, “Uncle......”
Each individual needed to take responsibility for their own affections. Whether bitter or sweet, they were all one’s own choices. They were one’s faith; they were one’s innermost desires.
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