Volume 7, Chapter 181: The Saint of Guidance
Saint Matia’s hair stuck to her cheeks because of her sweating face. She brought water to her lips while taking deep breaths in between. f(r)eeweb(n)ovel
The refreshing sensation of water seemed to numb her dry mouth and throat. She probably drank with too much force, since she coughed for a moment.
While trying to calm her strong breaths, Saint Matia rubbed her bloody fingertips, but the dirt did not come off. Her body was full of bloodstains. Matia stopped touching her fingers because the blood did not come off no matter how much she tried to take it off.
The water available was also limited. She could not waste it just to wash her hands. She decided to only wash her hands and bathe when she returned to Garoua Maria. Putting a comb in her hair would be the first time in a long time. It would feel refreshing.
Matia’s ears shook sensitively in response to the expectations on her chest. Her quiet breathing sound struck her earlobes.
「When she regains consciousness, give her enough water to moisten her mouth. And don’t forget to apply medicinal herbs when you bandage her wound.」
Matia spoke while lying the unconscious Vestaline on a bed. A Heraldic spy beside Matia nodded positively and placed a water bottle near Vestaline.
Matia kept the situation in sight as she moved her legs to escape, albeit temporarily, from the treatment area where the injured people laid around. She could not go completely away, but she needed a break in order to breathe in peace.
Cold air pierced Matia’s cheeks. Oh, the sighs that had accumulated in her lungs leaked from her lips. She must have accumulated a lot of pressure. The cold air alone made her feel lighter.
The Steel Princess Vestaline. Matia did not known if she saved her life. If her condition were reasonably calm, then she would survive a little longer. At least, until Matia brought someone specialized in healing techniques.
Still, even if for a short while, Matia managed to alter the thin thread of Vestaline’s life.
Unknowingly, Matia’s eyebrows relaxed. Matia could see her “energy” coming out of her face. She somehow said she would be able to live up to Lugis’ expectations. That she would be like a Saint. Matia loosened her lips, realizing that having those feelings were not like her.
Matia’s eyelids began to burn when she recalled the lives of those who died and of those who survived. Matia was meticulous, someone who calculated every single move, every single judgement. Even people’s lives. If those lives helped her achieve her goals, then she would gladly use those lives for her sake. She never felt concerned about the destination of even one single life. Matia really used to think that way.
Anyway, Matia just hoped that the devil would not enter through Vestaline’s wounds anymore. If the devil got through a wound and started to eat the meat from the inside to the point of rotting, then it would be hopeless.
A heavy sigh leaked again from Matia’s lips. Her body felt lighter for a moment, but not anymore.
“…After all, being a Saint is about reaching up to this level, huh?”
“Is it because I tried to light a life for the first time in a long time? It seems strangely sentimental for a person like me.” Matia could no longer ridicule herself, and she leaned against the outer wall of a private house while her thoughts roamed free in her mind. freeweb(n)ovel.com
“When I was young, I thought the more I knew, the smarter I would be to lead and save people. I was taught that notion by the people around me.”
“Of course, the more I grew up and knew more, the more I understood that it was all a lie. I knew there were no real ideals in this world. However, for some reason, the illusion of the Saint’s existence did not disappear from my character. Apparently, when I was young, I tended to dream a lot.”
At an early age, all humans believed that they were born to be happy. Matia felt that something was wrong and she felt unhappy herself. She previously believed blindly that if she knew about everything and became a good Saint, she would surely be able to hold everything with her hands.
Yes, at that time, Matia wanted to believe that something like magic that could win with justice. She believed in miracles that brought people back to life, and that the world was full of wonderful things.
How about now. What was the situation right now? “If I looked at me now when I was young, I would surely scream. A wrinkled face, tears in the eyes, and a dry throat.”
“…Such human being is not worthy to be a Saint.”
Matia’s lips swayed. “I’m sure of it, certainly. I am now far from the ideal Saint. After all, I have to pray for good luck in order to save one single life. It makes me laugh… I am truly a Saint while behaving like this?”
“I would save one or two lives easily if I were a real Saint. When did I become one of the Heraldic leaders? Instead of saving lives, I was on the side of manipulation, calculation and strategic warfare.”
Matia was someone efficient and more utilitarian. How could she prosper as a Saint? If one thought about Matia’s life as whole, she would be not so different from those who claimed to be the rulers of the world. However, she had lived thinking only about how to maintain the good circulation of her organization. She threw away many unnecessary feelings and notions after leaving her childhood behind. She told her heart that her actions were right.
“Pathetic. How can I be so divided in my head? I never know what to say when I speak with Lugis. Why? Why do I keep having such thoughts? It’s surprising that I have my own troubles. What a silly behavior.”
“Oh, wait. I wouldn’t have been troubled like this if it weren’t for him. Without him, I would try to reach my own ideals without much hassle.”
Matia narrowed her eyes while taking cold air into her lungs one more time. It was enough to rest her soul. Her exhausted body felt somewhat familiar to the experience she had when she was on the underground temple. It felt as if she was going through the same ordeal again.
Anyway, Matia realized that Lugis had to come here soon. They had to leave this place before things got messier. After all, there was no way that one could just jump into thorns and leave unharmed. Matia knew that Lugis’ path was full of thorns to the point of not leaving his body and soul intact. He was that kind of person. Such way of life was his nature as he chose it himself.
That was why Matia must once again deeply engrave her existence in Lugis. The scars that he suffered were the proof that she had to keep reminding him of her existence. It was the proof that he broke his promise with her.
“He has embarrassed me. After all, he keeps making me anxious many times over. How can I not care about his behavior? I’m sure he doesn’t do it on purpose. But once he realizes how rash he is, he is going to change. Because there’s the promise I made with him.”
Envisioning the joy that could occur later on, Matia’s cheeks raised involuntarily, despite her fatigued body.
Matia firmly believed that Lugis’ had a troubled past. Something that made him do terrible choices. But that was, of course, unavoidable. So she had to guide him. Yes, Matia had to make sure that Lugis walked the right path.
“That is the duty that I have to fulfill. If Lugis gets hurt, I will carve a new wound on top of that wound with my words. I will make sure he will never forget them. He will live only in the cage of my words. Yes, by my own will.”
Otherwise, the human being named Lugis would quickly step into a dangerous path. It felt like walking on fire for Matia. Lugis was indeed a difficult person to tame.
“…Lugis. If you pursue your ideals, that’s fine with me you know. But let me be the one to forge your path up to that point.”
Matia felt her cheeks naturally keeping their heat even amidst the cold wind. She did not even know what that meant.
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