Chapter 14: Trauma
POV: Azrail
I was baffled by what was currently happening, my mother whom I thought hated me was crying in my shoulder. Her crying was loud, it seemed like she had trouble breathing with how loud the sobs were.
Never in my life would I have thought to see a woman who was as mentally strong as my mother break down like this.
"I'm so sorry Azrail, I'm sorry, I never meant for... for.... for any of this to happen to you...." My mother told me, her arms still wrapped around me, trying to show affection to perhaps make me feel better.
It didn't work that way. I merely stood here with my usually dead straight face without feeling a single thing. My prior emotions no longer there. In the corner of my eye, I saw what should be a ghost of a 12 year old staring at me.
Its eyes were scanning mine, as if it wouldn't allow me to feel anything while in its presence.
'It's been quite some time my friend, I didn't think you and I would be meeting this soon. After all, you're dead....' I spoke in my mind, seeing if the imagination in my head would speak back to me.
Sadly, it didn't answer me. It simply gave me a big smile and vanished from where it was standing.
'Tch, still an asshole even in my own head huh. '
"Azrail come inside I will make you anything you want, we don't our reunion only filled with my crying.." My mother said as she started to calm down and wipe the tears covering her face.
I looked her in the eyes and simply nodded my head. My thoughts were currently wandering to a much darker place and I did not want to ruin this for her.
'Damn it, my mind is already becoming more and more unstable. I did know I would have post-traumatic-stress-disorder, (PTSD) but its already getting to the point where I'm seeing the dead.' I cursed in my head, trying to imagine how I would be able to overcome this.
This is a common mental illness found not only in soldiers, but anyone who has had to courage to enter a field like this. Guilds that deal with exploration of uncharted lands also deal with this problem when they retire.
The suicide rate for these men and women is astounding, trying to get back into civilian life after everything you've been through is a tall order.
This is why anyone working in our field is greatly respected, those who go out and risk their lives for the sake of their nation or race as a whole get looked up to by the civilian population.
My mother and I entered the house which had a simple interior. The floor had a nice wooden design that looked glossy, there wasn't much furniture though giving the impression like the house was going to be sold.
We made our way to the kitchen where I decided to take a seat at the dinner table. My mother looked over to me and asked a question.
"Is there anything specific you would like to eat?"
"Suprise me." I told her as she shot her head back as if being scared by me answer.
"Oh dear your voice is quite deep and scary now hehe, you'll be scaring all the ladies away with that tone of yours Mr." She said in a charming voice, while laughing at how cold my voice was.
She went into the kitchen and started to prepare the meals. I was quite hungry and haven't had her cooking in a long time, so I was happy to wait.
Although my mother wasn't really the best before making me feel abandoned, that hug and those tears really got to me. I was ready to blow up at her if she made a simple mistake, but that never happened. The woman I knew before would never cry, so I could tell she was upset with herself during these years.
What happened to me really wasn't her total fault as well, although bad parenting led to that situation, she wasn't the one to kidnap me. The ones who actually did the job and made me who I am today are all buried 6 feet underground.
I made it a personal life goal of mine to hunt down and track every single one of those people. I didn't care if they were either new or had nothing to do with me, they were still all going to die.
In my eyes such scum shouldn't exist, so I decided to wipe them off this damn planet using everything at my disposal.
My mother finished making the meals which were two plates of steak and corn. I was happy in the inside because I loved these things and haven't eaten them in so long.
As we started to eat only the sounds of chewing could be heard on both sides. I wasn't going to speak as this delicious meal simply had all of my attention.
As we finished the meal and put the dishes away, we both decided to sit back down and have a conversation.
"How is your body and mental state feeling? The doctor called me and said you were getting better, but he never gave me any details." She asked in a worried tone.
"I'm feeling fine in both departments, I just don't know what I will be doing from now on." I stated with my tone trying to be as soft as possible.
"Well military officers will be here tomorrow morning saying that they will speak to you about that, coming to find what you'll do in life takes time which you will figure out eventually." She said with a heart full of confidence and wisdom as someone who's walked the path.
" I see.... well, I'll most likely go to school and join the Volestian army when I graduate, that's really the only idea I have so far." I told my mother wanting to see if she can maybe give some ideas to me.
"Azrail you have just gotten back from a battlefield, don't you think you have had enough of that type of life? I know it'll be hard for you to adept to a normal way of living, but not everything is about war." My mother said with worry in her voice, it seemed she really did not like the idea.
"Mother you may not understand, but the Volestians have saved my life when no one else would come, I owe it to them to at least give a couple years of my service and defend this nation." I said to her trying to give her insight of what I was thinking.
I fully believed I needed to join the military; the way of their fighting was completely different from what I was use to. I knew they had some answers I was looking for in life. Those answers were what it was like to have someone actually defend your back with their life.
I wanted to know the answer of how these men and women can trust each other so much while putting their lives on the line for one another.
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